to have sent dp's mother this after a yr of ignoring my baby?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

I had ds2 last September 2007 and dps mother has never seen him, lied about being out of the country on his 1st b'day, seeing a photo of ds1, ds2 and dss and saying what a lovely photo of those 2 pointing to ds2 and dss (with dp;s sister). I have sent numerous emails with photos in until a few weeks back and she sends messages with dps sis to say they are nice but will never email me to ask how he is, then asks dp's sis if she could keep her updated on ds2s progress!!!!

Dear B,

I have not bothered sending you any photos of Z since his 1st birthday when you said you were flying to India the day of the party yet were online. I now know you are not at all interested in your grandson and I have accepted the fact that my second son has a grandmother, if I can call you that, mirroring my first sons grandmother... Selfish, Ignorant, and most of all nasty to a small child.

As far as I am concerned you are punishing my son for the actions of your son....very mature of you, I believed you to be an adult not a stroppy teenager.....I can now see where G gets his sometimes petulant attitude from.

G has not paid any money to C for J as I am sure you have already been informed as he is not working, I am supporting us all, until he finds work....after all that is what FAMILIES do.....obviously something you would know nothing about after walking out on 2 children who needed you...yet you have a problem with the fact G followed in your footsteps..he had a very good teacher from what I have learnt from both of your children. A mother does not walk out on her children for any reason, well a decent mother doesn't. Oh and for your information my son will not grow up without a grandmother as my Mum see;S him every day he has a loving Nanna and lets face it you are the one who is missing out you have 3 that is THREE biological grandchildren and chose to know 2 of them.

As for Christmas as I am sure this will be passed on to you. J, K and Z are all having the same amount spent on them £50 and that is all. G has asked J to come fishing and other places with us and unless there is money involved J does not want to know. We are not wealthy people. So while you are blaming G for the lack of contact realise that J has been asked to come out with us and often refuses, we also offered to take him on holiday but he did not want to go as it was not abroad. Just for once realise the truth G is not to blame for everything nor am I and Z certainly isn't.

am really hoping you didn't send it. I wouldn't want this woman in my life as it would seem she does not care at all. If you like send her a Christmas card with a lovely pic of you all otherwise I shouldn't bother.
She doesn't deserve to be in your family's life so why put yourself out or be stressed about it?
I would apologise for the email and say something along the lines of what's already been suggested ie that clearly you don't get along as you should, that it upsets you and you'd like her to know that she can always contact you about the family etc etc.
sounds like a bad situation for everyone really, hope you get through the hurt

Pam. she can't not like me she has only met me once so doesn't know me. She just doesn't like the fact that dp won't go back to exp

sorry you are going thrugh that. My MIL rejected dd2 cos she is brain damaged and has barely looked at her in 4 years while gushing over the other 3.
I think there's very little you can do to be honest.

I found her on friends reunited and dp and her got back in touch. Even they don't talk now, only her and I and thats because i feel ds2 should know someone in his fathers family!!!

Sorry, I am really confused. you keep saying that your mil is pissing you off cos she asks your sil how your ds is instead of you, and asks your sil to get photos for her of him, and then you say here that actually your mil and sil 'don't talk now'

If you care to re-read i said that DP and SIL don't talk now not the mother and daughter. I was the one who said we should get dss a put up bed Dp said no.

I have no exagerated anything. Sadly i got involved with someone whose family are very distant from eachother...or so it seems.

Need, thankyou for your support and understanding. I did send it and maybe i could have worded it slightly better,

If you have so much distain for your MIL as a mother and a person, why do you want her to have a relationship with your child?

Un, i only feel the way I do because of her lack of interest and her attitude.

I don't see the point of sending this - it's clear that you don't want or respect her (for perfectly good reasons for you) in your and your childs life.

There is no point to doing this and stuff written down comes back to haunt you.

Does your partner think you should send this?

Laurie, I have already sent it. and yes DP knows i have sent it, he is not bothered either way

Well, if your aim was to cause upset and make any chance of a family reconciliation even less likely, than I'm sure you will achieve that goal.

TheLadyEvenstar, I know you are hurt and angry. This is evident by your post.
Unfortunately, trying to change the situation by talking, asking, (even begging) and finally sending that message just isn't going to happen.
You have everything against you. Her age, her culture, her time spent with your husbands ex and the children that came before.
The only advice I can give is for you to try to be supportive of your husband and child and relish in the company of your mother. Anything else would be putting salt into the wound.

As far as dss is concerned, the situation was discussed on the other thread, I do treat dss well and always have done. It was dp that had the problems and when it all came out properly it seems there is a much more serious underlying problem. Anyways that has been sorted to an extent.

She is not "pissy" at me but DP for leaving the ex...nothing to do with me. I don't want to "whitewash" his children out I actively encourage him to see dss, but at the moment that is not happenening for reasons in the previous thread.

Step siblings???? Half brothers actually. And no it is not about competing it is about her realising she has 3 not 2 grandchildren.

Having read most of this, and then slightly lsot the will towards the end - the situation seems simple

MIL is not interested in her son, you or your children.

Accept it adn move on with your lifes and stop wasting so much time and energy trying to change her mind.

Life is too short.

Just because someone gave birth doesnt make them a good mother or grandmother.

I think the person in all of this with the biggest chip on their shoulder is you.

Move on and enjoy what you have.

Boob, i just think it is wrong of her to deny her grandson. He will grow up and one day will ask where daddys mummy is....what do I say?

When he is old enough to understand just explain that she isnt interested in any of you.

There is no point having contact with her for the sake of having a grandma when your mother is doing a wonderful job.

I just feel its a losing battle, she doesnt accept you, her son or your children, that is her descision and ultimately her loss - not yours. She sounds pretty selfish so let her get on with her life adn you with yours.

You dont need her acceptance to have a nice family.

I think she is being rat selfish tbh. The email you sent, most of all, should tell her how hurt you are - it does shout out "hurt" more than anything else. Hopefully she will be able to accept that what is in the past is just that - in the past, and there is no point in spoiling family relationships any more. I hope you all get back together again.

"rather" not "rat"!

Why did you bother sending that email?

My FIL is a pillock who has only seen DS2 once because he has issues with DH.

His loss, it's sure as hell not the loss of DS's, they will never have any attachment to him so why would he care.

In fact the only time it will be an issue is how YOU handle it when she is asked about. If you sound off about her in front of your children then of course your child will be affected.

I can't believe your DP isn't livid. Mind I remember from your bed thread that he was a feckless man so not that surprised.

Blimey. I think you may regret that. You've given her the knowledge that she has the power to upset you.

I think MILS who ignore you are a blessing.

Noonki, fekless and not wanting arguments are 2 different things. The bed thread as you put it was concerning dss and we have made headway there. So that is a totally different issue. He is not feckless just simply cannot be bothered flogging a dead horse. And he is not livid as he can understand why I am peeved off by her actions.