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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be p*ssed at my cousin

66 replies

mum2niamh · 09/11/2008 17:51

My cousin isn't having kids at her wedding, yes it's her wedding and her choice, but the way she worded it - "adults only as we do not want your children ruining our wedding"

WTF? This is so rude!! My dd is only 9 months. I do not know if other parents got this information. I just think the wording is so rude, I'm tempted not to go now

AIBU

OP posts:
2shoes · 09/11/2008 17:52

not very nice wording and she will live to regret it,

aGalChangedHerName · 09/11/2008 17:52

Rude and ignorant. I wouldn't go if i got an invite like that.

oranges · 09/11/2008 17:53

just decline, that's mindblowingly rude. she'll realise that when she has children of her own.

ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 09/11/2008 17:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

theowlwhowasafraidofthedark · 09/11/2008 17:55

Did she actually write that in the invite
I have no problem with children free weddings but would never put it like that in an invitation. She will cringe if she ever has children of her own...

ilove · 09/11/2008 17:55

Blimey!! We had a "don't bring your brats" wedding but simply added a note that said something along the lines of

"due to room constraints we are only able to invite the people named on the invitation, we are sure you understand"

kormachameleon · 09/11/2008 17:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LittlePeanut · 09/11/2008 17:56

That is sooooooo rude! I agree she will regret this.

hecate · 09/11/2008 18:02

that is really rude.

Is she the queen of the bridezillas?

Trying to be kind - do you think there is any chance it was meant as a joke? maybe she put it just to you, thinking you'd know she was kidding around? Or do you not have that kind of relationship, you know, the type where you say breathtakingly unsulting things to each other all in good fun?

hecate · 09/11/2008 18:03

INsulting, obviously.

Original poster
mum2niamh · 09/11/2008 18:04

yes, she actually wrote that on the invite. she always was a snob. My mum is furious but my dad won't let us say anything. Like the reply above...will consider that!

OP posts:
Liffey · 09/11/2008 18:05

Wow, very rudely phrased.

I'd say that if you're torn about going, and you feel you'd rather not go, then send a polite declinature and spend the money on themselves.

In 18 months time (if they have a baby) when the rest of their friends are getting married, they will wince and shudder when they remember how they worded their wedding invitation.

beanieb · 09/11/2008 18:06

what a horrible way to say it!

Ineedmorechocolatenow · 09/11/2008 18:06

LMAO at Kormachameleon!

Tigerschick · 09/11/2008 18:06

That is so rude that I'd like to think that it is not meant to be taken seriously ... but I don't know the people involved so can't be sure.
Surely no one is that rude!!

Liffey · 09/11/2008 18:06

Sorry, I meant save your money! (I am a frugal mean person who always feels the financial pain of a wedding quite accutely!)

Tigerschick · 09/11/2008 18:07

I mean the 'do not want your children ruining our wedding' bit, not the 'adults only' request, isn't meant to be taken seriously ... I hope!

HRHSaintMamazon · 09/11/2008 18:10

No way on the planet would i attend a wedding that was hosted by someone claiming my chld would ruin her wedding.

of course my child probably would do something to at least cause a disaster, but thats just not the point.

ChukkyPig · 09/11/2008 18:12

Just don't go. That's out of order. You will be annoyed all day.

We had one where it was an adults only wedding, and we didn't go as no babysitter, then in the photos there was a girl aged about 9 who was a bridesmaid or something.

So what they meant was - we don't want your child at our wedding. Arseholes.

SalBySea · 09/11/2008 18:13

Bad choice of wording but no-children weddings are common these days and I'm sure many brides share her sentiment

at least she was honest

what I hate is brides who dont want kids cause they dont like em but word it in such a way that they are doing parents a favour by not inviting them
e.g. "So that parents can have a break and let their hair down we are not having kids at the wedding"

  • I think that's more insulting TBH, mainly cause its BS and patronising to tell parents that they would enjoy the day more without their brats children

so in a way I admire her honesty

AbbeyA · 09/11/2008 18:18

If she just said no children that would be sad, but her choice, but that is uncalled for!
If I had such a rudely worded invitation I wouldn't go-or send a present.

catweazle · 09/11/2008 18:20

So rude

Is she also banning old people and people who might cough or sneeze or otherwise cause a disturbance?

ChukkyPig · 09/11/2008 18:29

Maybe you just get it or you don't. I invited all my friends' children to my wedding (i didn't have any childen at the time BTW) as I saw it as a day which is about family, that the presence of young and old give that nice feeling of continuity which only these sorts of occasions bring. That it's nice to have children running around etc. I can't think of anything more dismal than banning children.

So obviously I just don't get it anyway so am unlikely to be sympathetic to the cousin's POV - however she chose her words!

falcon · 09/11/2008 18:38

The way she worded it is most certainly rude though having a childfree wedding is certainly not.

SalBySea · 09/11/2008 18:39

catweazle - if you feel that strongly about child-free weddings then I'm afraid you are in for a lot conflict as they are becoming almost 50/50 with child-friendly weddings

I think people who do opt for child-free weddings are missing out and will regret it in the future but it wouldn't make me angry as I know how common it is and its just one day so I'd either go without or politely decline.

The issue here is more to do with how it was worded, which was very misguided IMO