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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be extremely fed up of all the single parent bashing threads?

85 replies

shelleylou · 05/11/2008 23:13

Theres sooooooooo many lately. Yes we may claim benefits (im aware that other of us do work) to support our dc's but were doing the job of 2 people!!!!!!!!! Im fed up of all the judging by people who obvioulsy have no idea about it.

OP posts:
MascaraOHara · 05/11/2008 23:48

sorry wheels, I know you are a widow and it must be hard and I am not disrespecting how hard it is to adjust

My dd's father is not involved at all and hasn't been since she was 6 months so I don't get weekend breaks/financial support or anything either

but it's about time people stood up and were proud of what they are doing, of their beautiful chidren..

there are many many people who have it a lot harder than I do and I, personally, am sick of being labelled in sweeping statements.

Pawslikepaddington · 05/11/2008 23:50

TBH I don't think you do fully adjust-I'm used to it but am still so of 2 parent families, and sick of coo-ing "oooh, you must find it so HARD having to do housework on a sat while dh takes the kids out, it's so much easier for me with no too-ing and fro-ing" to parents that have no idea of hard work or exhaustion but expect my life must be easier than theres because I don't go on about it.

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 05/11/2008 23:50

"I, personally, am sick of being labelled in sweeping statements."

Yes - as is the OP - hence her starting the thread!!!!

Anyhow off to bed now my head is thumping and I'm in danger of ending up sleeping with my head on the keyboard

hellsbells76 · 05/11/2008 23:50

wholeheartedly agree with mascara o'hara. i'm finding it a fuck of a lot easier being a single parent than i found being in a relationship with an abusive, alcoholic freeloading man-child. personally.

MascaraOHara · 05/11/2008 23:50

FAQ - I did state that I moan a lot and it is hard, what I am saying is that it's no harder than the next persons got it.. people will put single parents down if we let them so don't let them.

skramble · 05/11/2008 23:51

I don't moan about being a single mum apart from on here , no one else to talk to.

Original poster
shelleylou · 05/11/2008 23:52

Mascara, I am proud of how my ds is i know I have made him the way he is, with very little financial support or XP being there for ds. Im not disputing that. The OP was in frustration with threads atm that are slagging of single parents. Im not saying we have it tougher than other people each situation is unique.

OP posts:
guyFAwkesreQuiem · 05/11/2008 23:53

I don't know - I still find it a hell of a lot harder than when I was in a relationship. I'm still at the stage where I look back over 7yrs of parenting with someone else around to help and wish I could have that support back (though with a less twatish DH would be good)

MascaraOHara · 05/11/2008 23:55

I'm not saying you are.. I'm not even having a go at you.. I'm saying we can collectively change peoples stero-typical ideas by being proud of what we are achieving rather than focussing on what we are not doing

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 06/11/2008 00:01

"I'm saying we can collectively change peoples stero-typical ideas by being proud of what we are achieving rather than focussing on what we are not doing"

Yes I understand that, but I think I would been finding it easier now with the parenting side of things being a single parent if I hadn't had 7 1/2yrs of having someone around to help with it before. If I'd brought the DS's up on my own almost from birth perhaps it would have been easier to adjust to it, instead I have 7 1/2yrs of shared parenting experience to look back at and think how much easier it was. I'm not saying that i is any easier if you are single almost from the start of parenting but I personally feel it would be easier to have done that

I've just read that back, and not sure I've really explained what I'm trying to say or if I'm going to offend anyone with it

Pawslikepaddington · 06/11/2008 00:01

Must admit sweeping statement alert sp children, or children who spend 99.99999% of their time with one parent are much better behaved-I know mine is (caresses belt and willow stick fondly) .

TheWheelsOnTheBusHaveFallenOff · 06/11/2008 00:02

Mascara - I take your point and I do agree really - ie being strong and proud of our status and of our dcs, no matter how we arrived at it. Double-edged sword, if we don't moan it looks like it's easy, if we do moan we line ourselves up as part of a down-trodden, benefit-claiming underclass that some people like to bash in a series of meaningless generalisations!

Original poster
shelleylou · 06/11/2008 00:02

Thats true. Some people are so satuck in their ways may be a mission to change that way of thinking.
Sorry a bit arg atm with all the threads about it and that its ds's birthday over the weekend and his sperm donor dad cant be bothered to see him. Saying that i know I will make sure he enjoys it xp isnt needed for that :D

OP posts:
Original poster
shelleylou · 06/11/2008 00:03

stuck even lol

OP posts:
Pawslikepaddington · 06/11/2008 00:04

Tbh shelley would he want his dad there? Deep down really? They never match up to expectations these missing parents, whereas the constant always does

guyFAwkesreQuiem · 06/11/2008 00:04
Pawslikepaddington · 06/11/2008 00:05

Aaah, will lend you my tools of the trade guyf-no child crosses the Paws-even the worst behaved quake at my glares! .

Original poster
shelleylou · 06/11/2008 00:07

he recongises his dad but doesnt really know him iykwim. Been just us for 15 months (hell be 2) his dad doesnt see him too much and when he does as soon as DSis back he wants his mummy (cries if he gets handed over to grandma)

OP posts:
Pawslikepaddington · 06/11/2008 00:12

Dd is 5 in march and never asks for daddy any more or wants to see him, she doesn't even want a replacement dad like she used to . I think she thinks he will interfere with her activities

salsmum · 06/11/2008 00:15

Can I just add that alot of lone parents are also carers for their kids with disabilities too.[myself included for 12 years]...just thought it's worth a mention.

Pawslikepaddington · 06/11/2008 00:17

Hats off to you salsmum, am going to go to my corner now and die of shame-I feel so bad for moaning, I don't know how you do it.

mou · 06/11/2008 00:33

What gets me is, you could train as a child minder, look after other peoples children and get paid as a valued ''contributing'' member of society but if you look after your own child it is undervalued and judged as an easy option.

I am married, and work from home but get child tax credit. Getting out of the benefits loop is not simply a matter of choice it is frustrating and an uphill streuggle ( a bit like being a married parent, let alone a single parent).

Single parents have my absolute respect and I would not presume to judge why and how they ended up that way. It is very easy to judge others situations but I think people should follow the age old adage and think before they speak type.

cory · 06/11/2008 08:22

As far as I am concerned, a single parent is by definition somebody who works twice as hard as me. What's not to respect?

LittleWhizzingBella · 06/11/2008 13:50

Salsmum - 25%

Way way way above the national average.

LOL at me anticipating job losses and marriage breakdowns. It's jsut statistics darling.

And I hardly think it's as nasty as slagging off people on the basis of a mysogynist stereotype.

noonki · 06/11/2008 13:59

Just to let you know us 'non'single parents don't all judge - Since the day my DS1 was born almost everyday I think about the single parents I know and marvel at how they do it.

If I were handing out medals you would all receive one from me. I have nothing but praise for you all.