To think that being a single SAHM on benefits is not a 'lifestyle choice' but .........

[Littleredshoe]

basically scrounging ?

Surely being lucky enough to SAH with your children comes IF you can afford it? Either because you work part time, or have a partner who provides for you to do this.....

To just 'decide' that you 'prefer' not to work and live off benefits (when you are fit to work) is ridiculous and it makes me bl**dy angry that I pay tax to enable others to sit on their arses......

maybe I am ? But ......I bet there would be a lot less feckless teenage mothers if the 'right' to benefits and SAH was withdrawn.....

oh course they exist - but in a minority (career claimants) - it's the assumption that the "majority" of single SAHM parents are doing it as a permanent lifestyle choice that pisses me off.

erm I think you'll find I have also paid taxes in. and have been since I was 16 years old!!!

if we're talking the general youngsters who leave school get pg by some random man, then choose to live at home and get pg by a string of different men with no intention of ever working (or indeed couples who fall into such category) then yes I agree with you fully, to make it a 'carer' choice is quite different to a single parent (don't forget it could be a man as well) who's found their selves leaving an abusive partner/widow/what ever the reason - a marriage/relationship break down is a different case. this is the point I think a lot of lone parents are trying to make, and this is where the resentment is as most of us fall into this catagory not the former one.

it's a lifestyle choice because it's allowed to be and because the reality is that it pays more than low-wage work.

it really does.

I spoke to the DWP people the other day to see if there was anything I could claim to remain a SAHM - my youngest has just started full-time school.

After going thru some facts and figures the answer was....nothing.

Why? Because I am married to a man who works full-time and earns a wage.

What if I choose to be a SAHM? Tough.

After paying our bills, mortgage etc...we are left with precisely sod all to live off. I have no choice, now that I am able to, to go back to work. I have no choice in the matter.

I know of people who choose to remain on benefits who could work because they would be worse off if they worked. Yet I would also like to remain a SAHM but can't afford to.

Ok I am preparing to be flamed

"There are thousands of 2 parent families, both forced to work full time to survive - but single mothers, oh well thats different."

I'm not sure what you mean by 'survive'.

Its perfectly possible IME for a couple to 'survive' with one adult earning minimum wage whilst one stays at home with DCs. Its not possible to have holidays, cars, a mortgage... but you'd not starve. I know this as XP had a minimum wage job for 6 months before he left us, and we felt rich believe me, compared to how I feel now. Its a matter of tastes and priorities - ditch the idea of owning your own house and that cuts expenditure massively.

Benefits are paid at survival/subsistence level. Its no fun, really.

AA

Lets face it, you obviously DO NOT know what you are talking about.

AA I am shocked at your ignorance.

"I know of people who choose to remain on benefits who could work because they would be worse off if they worked."

and so someone that is already struggling to get by should go and get a job which leaves them with even less money struggle even more?? And the logic in that is??

funny how awdf has only posted on 2 threads an d joined today isn't it??

AA - I do agree with you to an extent, XH & I survived before as me being a SAHM but mostly as we had low rent (forces) and he kept spending so I had to keep re jigging things. but the point you make about owning your own home - yes it's an aspiration which I hope to accomplish (by the time i'm 32 - so 6 eyars to have finished studying, saved for a deposit/got a pension etc) but it's a little unfair to expect people to give up their homes to live in rented accommodation so one can SAH and they can (or not depending on savings) claim HB - at least that's how i'm reading that part of your post.

AWDF - i'm shocked at how some of your posts are coming across tbh.

how am I missing whispy's point - she quite clearly says that if someone is able to work they should be out there in the workplace even if that means they bring in less money each month than while they were on benefits.

It depends on the individual's circumstances. I don't think anyone would begrudge a widow or a victim of domestic violence.

For most people, being in a stable relationship that enables them to stay at home is not a matter of luck.

Precisely my point FAQ...there are those who choose to continue to claim benefits because otherwise, if they worked, they would be financially worse off. We are skint. I have no choice but to go back to work and yes, I'll struggle too cos its not easy keeping a job down with two kids in two different schools and no-one who can help me out with them when they're off. I would like to stay at home...but I can't afford to do that either.

Being a full-time Mum plus working is no easy life....I will leave the house at 8am, take my kids to school, pick them up at 3pm, come home and start all over again. I will do that 5 days a week and for what? A few quid in my pocket. Great. Can't wait.

I should perhaps add that I have been in the

Married SAHM
Married working mother (when things got tight and I had to work to keep a roof over our heads...........fecking waste of time that was though as I@m now losing it anyhow 3yrs later )
and now currently a single SAHM on benefits. (and about to become a single, student, SAHM on benefits)

and hopefully in a few years time I will be in the working single mother catergory

I do think that benefits should be withdrawn from people, all people, for whom work is available and who refuse to work.

Not just single mothers but also aspiring novelists, herbalists and other associated lentilweavers.

I also think that childcare should be taken at source from those who are liable to pay maintenance.

"Precisely my point FAQ...there are those who choose to continue to claim benefits because otherwise, if they worked, they would be financially worse off"

and how is that a good thing???? Because everyone is struggling at the moment (working, non-working, married, single) the single parent should be forced to bring less money into their home???

Honestly, before I had a baby, I think I might have agreed with this poster.

Now being a SAHM (on benefits) and trying to get back to work makes me realise just how bloody difficult it is. The amount of discrimination out there is just unbelieveable.

And, believe me, I AM QUALIFIED. Over 10 GCSESs, 5 A levels, and 3 DEGREES plus over 10 YEARS experience and I STILL struggle to get any sort of child friendly work.

So, to the poster: YES, you are being bloddy unreasonable. You are making huge judgemental sweeping statements about people you do not know.

It is deeply unfair that a parent in a relationship cannot not choose to be a SAHM parent unless they have the means. Yet a single person can?????[Hmm]

not so serious - you are not serious are you.? Come on now, you have all those qualifiactions and you can't get a job. Please.