To think my teen daughter shouldn't talk to my partner this way?

[twirlandpearl]

If my partner comes into the living room with a handful of biscuits my daughter will screech "how many???" and start kicking off about greedyness and that there's no wonder the biscuits never last and that he's selfish because nobody else ever gets any!

I told her off, she went crying to her dad and he said I'M out of order.

OP has it always been a diffucult relationship between your DD and DP?

have you got anymore DC?

Is your DP rude to your daughter has he ever commented on what she is eating

So what if he ate 8 biscuits, perhaps he hadn't had any tea, and couldn't be bothered making any, maybe a hard day at work, or whatever. The number of biscuits should not detract from the fact that a child was abusive to an adult. I am sure she could have asked for some or even got some herself.

They were both out of order but your daughter has a sight more excuse for it than your partner. If he had had the manners to offer them round and she had still been rude, you would have cause for complaint, but as it is I really don't blame her. Why should she have to be polite to someone who doesn't extend the same courtesy to her? What does thaat teach her about life - that other people get to do as they please, suck it up?

It's already been established she doesn't like them, why would he offer something she doesn't like?

pumpkinbumpkin on Tue 04-Nov-08 20:18:41
"So what if he ate 8 biscuits, perhaps he hadn't had any tea, and couldn't be bothered making any, maybe a hard day at work, or whatever. The number of biscuits should not detract from the fact that a child was abusive to an adult. I am sure she could have asked for some or even got some herself."

What the OP actually reported her partner as saying was she's got legs of her own. I.e. she can get her own biscuits, because I can't be bothered.

The point here is not the 8 biscuits, it's the fact that the adult does not start the whole interchange by observing very very basic manners, and going by the OPs posts, this is not because he forgot or was thoughtless but because he wouldn't want to offer his dsd basic courtesy.

Of course children should not be rude to adults. But they have only one way of learning manners and that is by modelling the adults around them.

pumpkinbumpkin on Tue 04-Nov-08 20:39:25
"It's already been established she doesn't like them, why would he offer something she doesn't like? "

Wouldn't the natural action in a polite caring family be to say, 'I'm getting myself some biscuits, can I get you anything?'

Or are these only some overprecious manners practised in the Cory household?

I quite agree she was rude and should be pulled up (though why you need a whole thread on MN to do it is beyond me). But it does sound like she feels that he doesn't see why he should trouble himself for her.

It must be hard for a teenager living with her mother's 'boyfriend'. Have some compassion for someone you gave birth to.

Am I really the only one who thinks this is a wind-up?

Dittany, I think you're right (your first post). She must feel she's not being 'heard'. Generally.

It can't really be about biscuits. Maybe she feels he's taking up too much time, too much space, too much air!! but she can't SAY all that! So she lost the plot over the biscuits.

Becuase, piggy though it is, you don't shout at somebody and call them a pig for eating too much of the wrong thing.

If she was much younger then fair enough. I personally would always ask if anyone wanted anything but alas my DP never offers and I assumed that was the norm for people. I might make a snippy remark to another adult about it, or say 'oof any chance of one of them love?' and I would accept a similar bit of banter from an older child, however, personally I wouldn't accept the rant that the OP reports. When I was growing up from the age of about 10 I was given enough responsibilty to snack if I wanted to, as long as my meals were eaten, if someone got something I wanted even if I considered it excessive I would have just used my perfectly good pair of legs and got them myself.

It's clear there is more to this than a simple biscuit situation, however I don't think we should be focusing on the mans eating habits, it would be a different story if it was a woman pigging out on ice cream or chocolate because she was upset, but instead because the bloke munched 8 biscuits he was labeled such things as a tossbag and a greedy fucker. I might be wrong but the issue seems to be about the relationship between the two of them not whether he's a double for pere noel.

Personally I hate biscuits as they are too tempting and lead to arguments.

Thanks to you lot I went to Sainsburys after work and bought some Bourbon biscuits. I just couldn't resist them and now I've scoffed loads of them (more than 8 ) and now I feel very sick.

Watch out Ginnny, by some of the people's definitions on here you are a 'greedy tossbag fucker'.

I think 8 biscuits is a bit greedy and it is normal for a 15 year old to tell an adult in her family that. Saying she=s got legs she can get some is a bit childish. He could have bought the biscuit tinin and shared them

pumpkin.
I dunked them in my coffee too

OOOOh no ginnny, you dip bourbons in milky tea! That has outraged me more than anything in this thread.

"By tuesdayafternoon on Mon 03-Nov-08 22:30:39
Actually without knowing more about the personalities & relationships involved, & how fat your DP is, it's impossible to comment."

Rofl

Why is everyone so shocked about 8 biscuits? It's 8, not 80. I speak as someone who could quite easily demolish a whole packet in a certain mood (not bourbons, though, boasters or maryland cookies). I do realise that it is greedy though, and think I would probably laughingly agree if someone called me a greedy bugger/glutton/whatever.

Was the OP's DP offended? If so he needs to get over himself.

However, my DP or DD would not dream of helping themselves to biscuits or anything, without offering anybody else any, that is the height of rudeness.

And, frankly, if my DD's relationship with my DP was so fractious, he would be long gone. The OP's DD probably feels that her values, beliefs and opinions are not as important as her DP's. Not nice. This is about more than bisbuits.

By squeakypop on Tue 04-Nov-08 20:55:31
It must be hard for a teenager living with her mother's 'boyfriend'. Have some compassion for someone you gave birth to.

Abso-bloody-lutely

I had to live with my mum's husband when we were teenagers - I HATED him, and still do. He used to pull every annoying trick in the book - tell you DH that she needs to be much more subtle to have a good impact (I can give her some tips if she wants). Just kidding (well almost).

Gosh, if I were your dp I'd just say 'Oi. Less of your cheek, young lady. Biscuit?'

If it's turning into Biscuitgate, there's clearly more going on.

I think the OP is right to be concerned about a family dynamic that sounds as though it is founded on a lack of respect.

It seems to work on so many levels here. Going to get biscuits for himself and not everyone else is plain rude, isn't it? Shows a lack of respect and consideration for everyone else.

Screeching about greediness is disrespectful as well, of course. But then your daughter is a child still.

So to the OP, I think you are right to be concerned about the general lack of respect thing but wrong to attribute this (learned) behaviour solely to your DD.

tell them both ur sick of living in a war zone, and dont buy any biscuits untill they both learn to behave!!!!