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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my teen daughter shouldn't talk to my partner this way?

99 replies

twirlandpearl · 03/11/2008 22:24

If my partner comes into the living room with a handful of biscuits my daughter will screech "how many???" and start kicking off about greedyness and that there's no wonder the biscuits never last and that he's selfish because nobody else ever gets any!

I told her off, she went crying to her dad and he said I'M out of order.

OP posts:
2shoeshissbangwhoosh · 03/11/2008 22:47

she is at that age though, 15 year olds are a weird breed.

Tortington · 03/11/2008 22:48

he sounds like a jeuvinile tossbag

she sounds like she needs some class

Original poster
twirlandpearl · 03/11/2008 22:51

thanks

OP posts:
ThePregnantHedgeWitch · 03/11/2008 22:52

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MsPontipine · 03/11/2008 22:52

"She just doesn't like him, I think she's jealous of him. He isn't great with her either"

Then why are you with him?

No wonder she's miserable if you side with him against her.

TheSmallClanger · 03/11/2008 22:54

8 is a lot of biscuits. You don't tend to get many bourbons in a pack.

The issue here isn't biscuits though, is it? It sounds to me as if he's not being terribly mature about it. Your DD is allowed to be immature, she's a teenage girl, but an adult should try and rise above it. Teens do take the piss and wind people up, and he's being a bit precious to expect her not to.

Original poster
twirlandpearl · 03/11/2008 22:54

I don't side with him all the time. I just don't think a 15 year old should be shouting at an adult because of what he chooses to eat.

We could all do to lose a bit of weight but its still rude to act like that.

OP posts:
ledodgy · 03/11/2008 22:59

It's not just 8 biscuits, it's 8 bourbons, NICE biscuits I could understand as they are flimsy but 8 bourbons! He must have big hands.
She's 15 not an adult no but at 15 you think you're an adult. Yes she's being a pain but it doesn't sound like he's doing anything to encourage her not to be iyswim. A plate next time with the biscuits may be an idea so he could offer her one and try and calm the situation down and maybe take be the bigger person in other situations that arise too he is the adult after all.

ledodgy · 03/11/2008 22:59
  • ignore the word 'take' it slipped in there!
Original poster
twirlandpearl · 03/11/2008 23:04

He just says 'she's got a pair of legs, she can get her own'

OP posts:
ledodgy · 03/11/2008 23:07

Hmm you see to me he doesn't sound like he's making any effort has he been like this from day one? If so it's no wonder she has an atitude with him. Imo as a new partner coming into an established family it was/is his job to get to know your children and make an effort if he's never done this then your daughter's attitude is no suprise really.

dittany · 03/11/2008 23:07

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StewieGriffinsMom · 03/11/2008 23:07

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LittleWhizzingBella · 03/11/2008 23:08

not blessed with social graces then is he?

you're not really selling him to us, t&p

coppertop · 03/11/2008 23:10

This sounds very familiar, T&P. Have you posted about this issue before?

Zazette · 03/11/2008 23:13

He was rude, greedy and graceless. She pointed it out. yes she could have done so with more delicacy. But in my house, if you're a child let alone an adult, you don't just go and grab a fistful - you bring the packet and offer them round (the plate thing is just going too far though. unless the queen's popped round).

If he could bring himself to behave to other people with some manners and respect, she might follow suit.

Tinker · 03/11/2008 23:14

8 bourbons is really 16 biscuits. I'm with your daughter.

Original poster
twirlandpearl · 03/11/2008 23:15

No not posted about it before. It was only the biscuit thing that made me bring it up. It is not all him, he has tried to get on with her but they just clash so now tend to stay out of each others way.

I just didn't see why her dad said I was being unreasonable when I was just telling her off for being cheeky.

OP posts:
dittany · 03/11/2008 23:17

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LittleWhizzingBella · 03/11/2008 23:21

"they tend to stay out of each other's way"

sorry, but that is not a long term parenting solution.

If he's going to be living with her, he needs to do more than keep out of her way if you are to avoid more biscuitgate scenarios.

What do you think, in an ideal world, your partner's role should be vis a vis your child? And what should he be doing to work towards that role?

StewieGriffinsMom · 03/11/2008 23:24

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solidgoldbrass · 03/11/2008 23:25

People who want 'respect' from other people, particularly those who want respect from teenagers, need to make sure they are behaving respectfully themselves. If your partner's attitude is that he doesn't have to put himself out to be pleasant to your daughter, and you expect her to be polite and pleasant to him then you are in for trouble all round.

tuesdayafternoon · 03/11/2008 23:26

"twirlandpearl" sounds uncannily like another MNer (who also has a DP and a DD)

"If my partner comes into the living room with a handful of biscuits" implies it happens on a regular basis, not just the once, and with bourbons

Just saying...

combustiblelemon · 03/11/2008 23:28

She's a child. He's supposed to be an adult. Yes, she's behaving like a brat, but he is supposed to be the grown up so "he's just as bad in all honesty" would worry me. Custardo was very blunt but on the right lines I think.

Saturn74 · 03/11/2008 23:36

How long have you been with your partner?