to think it is frankly weird when complete strangers ask you if your baby is a "good" baby???

[peachsmuggler]

Someone asked me this yesterday on a train. I obviously know what she was getting at, but really, what do they expect you to say to that!!!

People just say the same things to make conversation, the same as when you're pregnant you get asked if you're carrying twins or told it looks like you've just stuffed a cushion up your jumper. (I always got the twins comment).

Misdee - DD CRIED at the Bad Baby recently, in fact she was sobbing. I said what on earth is the matter and she wailed that it was horrible that they threw him on the ground and he didn't get to eat his lollipop because babies have to learn to say please and he probably just couldn't talk yet. I think it was partly because the baby looked like ds2. I see what she means though.

Yabu, they are just being friendly.

I loved the attention I has when dd was newborn. Made a change from all the grumpy unhappy faces you're normally meet with when out and about.

Lemontart is right, soon no one will take any notice of you and you'll miss it.

Stop being a grump and use as a chance to talk about your wonderful baby, you know you wan to!

i don't hear 'good baby' i kind of just here 'how are you getting on?' when people ask that, it's just the culture i guess. with ds2 i tend to say oh he's adora-bubble or some such nonsense, chuckle his cheeks then encourage them to chat to him while pull ds1's trousers up or try and find my doorkeys or whatever...makes everyone happy

Bella, I don't have personal experience of post-natal depression but I imagine that one of the things it has in common with depression (which I do have experience of) is that it makes you unhappy and perhaps react to things like superficial comments in an overly-negative manner (not saying you do, only that I did).

But I wouldn't like to live in a world where nobody dares say anything at all for fear of it been taken wrongly. Again, when I was depressed I could brood about trivial incidents for hours, making myself feel bad but that was the illness not the intent of the speAKER IYSWIM?

I was always nice to strangers, just felt miserable myself. And I realise your comment wasn't directed at me specifically. Seriously though, the only points I wanted to make were:

• that question made me feel miserable

• this was my problem

I have an acquaintance I met at ante-natal - when our babies were born she was constantly calling hers "naughty" for crying. She's since had another "naughty" baby. FFS. (she wasn't joking btw) I've distanced myself from her because of it - I can't bear it. She would also look approvingly at my DS and say "you're lucky, yours is good". {angry]

"perhaps react to things like superficial comments in an overly-negative manner"

oh yes, absolutely

snowleopard, I know someone like that

When people said it to me when DS was very small I didn't hear "How are you coping?" but "Your baby doesn't sleep well does he? No and you are a FAILURE." Yes it was an unreasonable reaction to a kindly meant comment but when people say good baby they mean placid, easy going, fed every 4 hours and sleeps 7-7. If you have the other kind it can feel like a big criticism of your parenting and your baby. New mothers are not known for their ability to think calmly and rationally at all times.

And I still think that 'good' baby is a bit of a stupid term.

BTW I still smiled and nodded when people said it.

TPL you put it much better than me

I think when folk ask 'is he/she a good baby' it is just a way of asking 'how are you getting on' as in, is he sleeping/feeding well, sometimes its just a conversation opener. Its not something that bothers me or i would personally find 'weird' tbh

Last week we took little Ff into town. She fell asleep in the pushchair, and was looking (even if I say so myself) pretty darn cute, all rosy cheeked with the ear flaps of her hat all higgledy-piggledy. The woman behind us in the queue for the Park and Ride bus leaned over her and said,
'Isn't she gorgeous?'
Bloke, unused to being out and about and fielding questions about how good she is simply said,
'Yes, she is.' and turned around again.

I was mortified

My BIL warned me about this question and said the right answer is "Yes, he's very good at being a baby". Which I used on the only old biddy who's asked so far - who giggled and said he was lovely.

The standard question on my local buses is "Aaaah! How old is your baby?" Often followed by "So are you getting any sleep then?" Much more supportive.

Silly but friendly question. I get asked it all the time.

I was in the post office this morning (long queue) and my 9 month old DD grabbed a box of crisps, I took it off her (thought it was the right thing to do, rather than let her destroy their display), the little madam inevitably cried and the woman owner (who had seen what had happened) said "oh nasty mummy".

What did she want me to do FGS????!

"Yes, he's very good at being a baby"

just answer no he/shes a brat.and walk away

Or if you have twins you get "which one is the good one?"

They always look diappointed if you say yes though, like they want you to moan

i used to say that all babies were good, they were too young to know what good or bad was, let alone behave one way or another

God when people say this it is a classic conversation starter - they are lonely or just think you would like to chat about your child.

Yeah i agree stupid question. I feel like saying no he is a complete arsehole, he tells me to feck off, spits at my DH and takes a big shat in the corner when I am not looking. What kind of answer are they looking for?

LOL at twins comment