to think it is frankly weird when complete strangers ask you if your baby is a "good" baby???

[peachsmuggler]

Someone asked me this yesterday on a train. I obviously know what she was getting at, but really, what do they expect you to say to that!!!

Oh I'm always gracious and flattered when people stop to talk to her (she is totally gorgeous so I can see why they do, obv) but if I have to listen to how the buses are never on time, or there's always such a queue in the post office or why there aren't more checkouts open, then by God they're going to listen to me tell them about DD!

I am with Geepers on this, when people are just trying to be friendly and nice I don't pick their words apart, it is just one of those things you say. And it gives people an opening, my pregnant belly has recently prompted several strangers to tell me about their babies and whether they sleep etc, lots of people just love to talk and it is really nice to be friendly with the people you deal with day-to-day in local shops etc.

YABU - probably because you're sleep deprived . They are trying to be friendly.

No need to over-analyse it.
It's just something people (usually older women who would quite like a cuddle with the baby) say in order to show an interest.
I used to like it when someone stopped to chat about my babies, and preferred the old "is he good?" line to "blimey! Your sprog looks just like a potato!".

nope. YANBU
it's stupid.
there's no such thing as a bad baby so therefore there's no such thing as a good baby. babies are babies.
just anohter thing i have to look forward to again.

Completely welcome the friendliness, and DO understand that it is just a standard question, but it IS a weird question...

Blimey, glad I haven't bumped into you lot and tried to be friendly. What is your problem?! No one is suggesting you have spawned a devil - it's a turn of phrase that is usually from another parent, a conversational opener just asking how it's going. How on earth can you take offence at that?

I didn't take offence, and was really friendly back! I said I thought it was weird.

what about the baby in 'the elephant and the bad baby' he was baaaaaaaaaaaad

Is he the one that rode around on an elephant?

yes and they took cakes and pies and stuff. and never once said please or thank you.

bad baby

actually, when people asked me that, on top of the sleep deprivation and the PND and the complete failure that I felt (and my inability to lie... why didn't I just say yes?), having to face up that I didn't have a 'good' baby felt really crap. I really wish people hadn't asked me. It didn't feel friendly at all, it felt judgey. Although I reallt do appreciate that it was more to do with my state of mind that strangers actually judging me for having a non-sleeping baby,

Someone asked me if I was finding it really tough and that felt like a friendly question.

I think being asked silly questions is a small price to pay for being friendly. In the paper yesterday it said that some elderly people (quite a lot)can go for a month without speaking to a friend or relation. I should just be gracious -not critical of their opening words.

i did say dd3 was evil to someone who knew me and they laughed btw. i also winked at the time.

with strangers i always say yes of course, even if said child is screaming like a good un at that point.

Doesn't bother me - it's people trying to be kind and interested in your child - just a bit unimaginative with how to engage with you.

I can be gracious NOW. But I am not miserably depressed now. As I said, all of this is my issue, not other people's.
I suppose the most innocuous remark can have overtones for someone depending on their mental state.

I really hate it when strangers say "Oh i bet she's a handful isn't she." I think this is the toddler version of "Is she good?"

It is the sort of thing I say to people with babies when I can't think of anything else to say. Badly worded, perhaps, but it is a bit of a conversation starter. Mothers of babies who feed and sleep well can share this news; mothers of ones who don't are often glad of a chance to vent.

Did once get my head bitten off for saying it though by some mother who was nearby (not mother of the baby who said, when scary mother was out of earshot, 'blimey, that was a bit unnecessary, wasn't it').

I would appreciate the attention now as it will all stop soon enough. Instead of understanding smiles and well meant comments when your baby is screaming, once they hit a certain age, you suddenly become invisible again. I could shop all day and be totally ignored by all except the person serving you. Of course, this all changes when your child becomes upset/tired/bored/plays you up - instead of the reaction you get when a new born cries and everyone rushes to "ooh" and "aah", you get irritated glances and huffs and puffs.
Like you, I found all the extra random attention rather strange. However, I wish I had appreciated it more at the time as it can feel very lonely out alone in public with your children.

It's just an indirect way of asking
'Are you alright?'

"are you alright? is that evil 2 week old baby keeping you up at night?"

I'm with Mutt on this. Why don't you all just wear signs saying "Please don't talk to me or mine unless you are prepared to have a well thought-out conservation about children you will probably never see again" or better yet "Please don't talk to me" Problem solved

as I said, my feelings on this say more about my mental state than anything else.

so I suppose PND = miserable bugger.

Thanks for that