to not want to spend Christmas Day at my Jewish sis-in-law's house?

[scampadoodle]

DH isn't religious, I am lapsed Catholic. His sister is fairly observant (ie she probably wouldn't eat at our house cause we're not kosher). We've been invited to her house on Christmas Day, along with my MiL & I expect various Jewish others, all of varying degrees of observancy.

I don't want to go. DH is cool about this so that's not why I'm posting. The thing is, am I being a bit daft when it would mean I wouldn't have to do much food shopping or indeed cooking (we're away at New Year)?

My practical reasons against are:
SiL's cooking can be a bit hit & miss, & I am quite a good cook - I can drum up a tasty Christmas dinner with lots of yummy snacks etc.
Er, that's it!
My emotional reasons are:
It won't be in the least Christmassy: no tree, no daft Christmas music.
The more 'frum' people there will say "Merry Christmas" to me in a very stilted way (if you are Christian, try saying 'Happy Diwali' to someone - that's how it sounds!)

I suppose I just want a few people on here to say "You're a daft mare, but I know what you mean!"

Should add, I've got a 7yo & a 4yo who both love Christmas - & we celebrate Hanukkah too.

i wouldnt want to go, i know exactly what you mean.

I wouldn't want to go tbh.

I like christmas to be christmas. A bit of tinsel, the queen, dysfunctional family punch-up...

I suppose you could go and have christmas eve as your main meal, or boxing day?

oh no if the dc's don't get the tinsel and christmas trees...

how long would you be there? All day (as in my family, so that by the end of the day if the police haven't been called we're doing well)? Or a polite couple of hours? If the latter, fine, if the former, don't do it

No, I'd love to go for a traditional supper, or for Hannukkah, but for Christmas, I'd want to go all Jingle Bells, turkey and tree. It's not unreasonable. It's YOUR culture and tradition.

Could you invite them to yours? a friend who is (non-observant) Jewish loved going to her (non-Jewish) step-mother's house at Christmas

I'd go if it's people you are gonna get on with and have a laugh.

To NOT go coz of a bit of missing tinsel and a tree is daft.

It's the people and atmosphere that count.

It doesnt sound like it'll be a bundle of laughs to be honest. I wouldnt go

Yes, but you only have one day a year to have a Christmas Day atmosphere. I like Christmas day to be Christmassy.

Scampadoodle, I'm in exactly the same position, weirdly enough. YANBU by the way. You can be with your SIL et al for Rosh Hashanah, Yom Kippur etc which are far more important for Jewish folk.

My DH isn't really religious apart from High Holy Days but his sister has become really frum. And her cooking is a bit meh too. It seems to have become a bit of a tradition that we go to her house on Christmas Day as the roads are quiet, quick opportunity to visit etc but I resent it rather. In fact, I don't see why we should spend any time with his family at Christmas as we do all that at the significant Jewish holidays. This is my family's time.

But trouble is, we're often at my elderly mum's for Christmas and my DCs would love to be spending time with their cousins (SILs as it's more lively etc. Sigh. I think it's time we just stayed at our own home and emphasise our own traditions now.

I would ask if they could do the family thing on boxing day so as to allow you and your kids to enjoy christmas as you want to

BTW I am most intrigued what is 'frum'?

Frum means really religious.

Is it Yiddish? "Fromm" means pious in German.

I really would not invite an observant Jewish relative over for a slap up meal on Yom Kippur, so I find it odd TBH that they even expect you??

Great that your dh is OK with you not going. Don't go. You don't have that many Christmases to enjoy while your children are young and excited. If they are up for seeing you on Boxing Day perhaps, great.

Sorry all - went to have something to eat...
Anyway, lots of interesting replies.
Her children are grown up so I doubt there will be anyone for my DCs to play with. The atmosphere wouldn't be deadly but it wouldn't be a rollicking barrel of fun either. They're not far away (their Golders Green [natch!] to our Islington] so I'm thinking that if they seem offended when I refuse their kind invitation DH can take the DCs over for an hour or so to see Grandma before lunch. To me, the food is a big part of the day & I really don't want to sit before chicken soup & thrice-boiled meat followed by non-dairy ice-cream, non-dairy everything! & no crispy bacon bits! I would be happy to entertain his family, indeed his mother often spends Christmas day with us but apart from no pork or shellfish she's not kosher. Like I said in the OP it would be v difficult to feed SiL & her husband. We'd probably have to send our crockery beforehand to be washed in a river or something...

This usually doesn't arise as Sil's birthday is on the 26th & they go away but this year they're not going til later. As I said to DH, I wouldn't expect her to come to our house at Passover so I'm hoping she'll understand.

I suppose I just wanted 'permission' from you lot to say No, confirmation that I'm not being horribly rude. And that seems to be the consensus. Cheers!

That's a good idea Stewie. I just don't want to offend as I have this complex (completely unfounded) that they feel I have taken a sheep from the fold... I'm happy for my DSs to join in whatever though, wear the skull caps etc. They've even had the snip! (I felt awful about that though).

Winky, does your SiL serve cold veg all the time? It's very disconcerting. I took DS2 over for Sukkot the other week and she served cold veg and turkey that had been boiled to within an inch of its life. Bleagh.

i wouldn't go. you'd really miss the whole christmassy thing.

Seems kind of strange for an observant Jew to be doing christmas at all.

yes, i don't understand why she's doing a christmas lunch?!