AIBU to feel quite upset over close friend party

[grunjle]

Ok, have name changed in case she MNs (though I'm sure she doesn't)

We are very close and do loads together as families. I heard from a third party weeks ago she and dp were having a big halloween bash - adults only though. I had had heard nothing about it. I figured she'd tell me soon.
Nada. It got to the point where everyone was talking about it, and I was so sure she'd tell me any moment. Then it got to the point where it was obvious DH and I were not invited and I was mortified and too proud to mention how hurt and bewildered I felt by the ommission.
I told myself she probably had decided that as we don't have many people to ask to babysit, there was no point in asking.

I have seen her this week with the kids and all seemed well. I can't think of anything DH and I have done to offend or to explain why we weren't invited. Then on Thursday, when her dp was picking his kids up from ours he said, very casually ''you know about friday don't you?'' we said 'no'.
''Ah well'' he said, ''if you can get a sitter..''

Well, who can get a sitter with one day's notice? Abd why did they wait til the day before to invite us when it has been planned for weeks and was fancy dress so if we had gone, we'd have needed costumes.

I know i sound like a 12 year old, but I do feel so hurt and paranoid.
Would you say something to her? Or let it lie. Not sure I can let this go

am wodering how it went too!!

wondering

Come on grunjle - suspense is killing us!!!

Have been lurking but the suspense is killing me! Any update grunjle?

lol at all you lurkers.

Just spoke to her - on phone, wish it could have been face to face but it would have been a week before we managed that.

Curiously unsatisfying. I feel happy that I spoke to her about it but I actually feel like a prize arse. She just said : ''I didn't think it would be your sort of party. There would have been a lot of people there you didn't know.''
I now feel totally unreasonable like I was trying to muscle in on something innappropriately IYKWIM.
However, at least it isn't all festering inside me like it was yesterday and all weekend.
I love this person and her family dearly and their fr4eindship means the world to me.
So, unsatisfactory though the answer is, I must just accept it, suck it up and move on
AT least I know I haven't offended or inadvertandently upset her in some way.

What sort of party was it then?

I thought half the point of a party was to meet new and different people.

Well, I guess you have a better idea of where the boundaries are to your friendship.

But it is hard, isn't it? It's not possible to invite everyone to everything, and we all do tend to divide friends up into different groups, and mixing the groups can be difficult.

Hmm that's a bit odd considering what her dh said about "you know about it, don't you".

But, as you say, move on. Life's too short.

You realise there's a thread started just to find out what happened lol!

hmmm, i can kind of understand her train of thought, BUT i can also understand you feeling upset about it. I think it sounds like she was pretty thoughtless but probably had a lot on at the time, and justified to herself that you wouldn't be interested in going. I'm glad you are still friends

I thought you heard about it through mutual friends, so you obviously WOULD have known people there. Ask a mutual friend to make subtle enquiries and find out if you got the whole truth.

Perhaps they are secret swingers?

I guess DH and I were compartmentalised into another group...
I love meeting new people...

I suspect what she really meant was that there would be an element of people invited who might be, erm, using chemical assistance, to help people stay up all night. Though I am not in the least judgemental, I am known for my complete lack of interest in such things.
Oh I dunno. She didn't want us there for some reason. I got my sort of closure. We are still friends.

Thanks for all not making me feel like a brat though

agree with the swinging suggestions

Bit of a lame excuse isn't it?
I agree MMJ-unless it was an orgy there was no reason not to invite you.
Maybe you are not as close as you assume

MrsR, well I know, and that's a bit upsetting in its own right. I am not a hugely confident person and this has battered my confidence quite a lot.

was there really a thread looking for an update? {boggles]

And she obviously doesn't think I'm rocking enough for an orgy

I think wehave all become quite protective of you grunjle!
You have the right approach to let it go but don't let her trample on your feelings

Hmm. Well done for having the conversation rather than avoiding the subject. But, I too would find that an unsatisfying answer - especially from someone who is a good friend.

Why didn't she speak to you about it upfront and explain? Or give you the option of deciding if it was 'your sort of party'?

Based on this one incident, she sounds either not as good a friend to you as you are to her, or profoundly insensitive. Even when you asked her directly, she didn't apologise or take your feelings into account.

Has she done things like this before? What does your dh think?

dh won't get involved. He says he 'got over it' and it has now degenerated into ''chick touchy-feely stuff''

Your thread, grunjle

here

You obviously would have known some people there as you had heard people talking about it in the lead up. Presumably these were people you knew who had been invited.
Also her DH did ask you the day bfore. I can see why this is still very unsatisfactory for you. I'd be tempted to talk again in person as i don't think it's resolved for you.