To tell my mother in law she can't bring her dog to stay?

[cheesesandwich]

My in laws have a big, badly behaved, 2 year old red setter, and we (me, DH and DD (15 months)) live in a small terraced house in London, with no garden. Last year, we asked them to come for Christmas, but told them they couldn't bring the dog. They said that this put them in the intolerable position of choosing between spending Christmas with their grand daughter or their dog. They chose the dog, and didn't come. We asked them again this year, but have been told that if the dog isn't welcome, we clearly don't welcome them into our home and so they're not coming. (Ever? I'm starting to hope so...). Of course, we could go to theirs for Christmas, but they live a long way away, and we always have a miserable time, so we'd much rather be at home - especially now we've got DD. So am I being unreasonable??

No, the solution is this. The PILs choose to own a dog, the dog is not welcome, the PILs need to make alternative arrangements and make the effort to visit their family.

We have two dogs, we all adore them, we would never take them somewhere they weren't welcome and accept that it's up to us to deal with it because our dogs are our responsibility.

Oh, I don't know it's a nightmare. How about this for future. Never, ever agree to have the babies of a man whose parents have a dog. That would prevent this nonsense.

But, I still think Christmas at home and a one night courtesy visit at some point over the Christmas period. Possible exemption if very pregnant or having a rough pregnancy.

Ah, but ShePeeTeePee, it appears the PILs got the dog after or around the time of conception. Perhaps a clause stating PILs must not have, or ever get, dog is needed.

Really, it sounds as though the MIL is the obstructive one. My parents live a long way away and being together at Christmas requires a rough schedule of taking turns to do the travelling. It's not up to the OP to go to them, again, or accept that they bring their dog.

I often have the same with my parents huge dog who I don't trust around my son and loudly whines like a baby if he can't see my dad whe I put him in the kitchen... They also cancelled spending the day with him to give me a break recently on Bank Holiday, after getting irked that I made them promise to keep him in the kitchen (he howls if left at home, sigh.) which hurt me beyond belief, especially on my 2 year old's behalf.

It's a hard one. And parents/in-laws get more set in their ways and grumpy as they get older it seems.

Red Setters aren't usually aggressive (or vile ) dogs at least, but they are a bit simple, and clumsy, and very hairy!

It's hard when you've got no garden, are pregnant, and already got your hands full with your LO....

I don't know enough about the relationship between you all to commment, it could be fragile and my input might not help, but just wanted to sympathise - I hate the way family politics so often ruin a time like Christmas that should be so warm and special

Maybe suggest a dog friendly B&B nearby? but I don't suppose they'd fancy that...

The real issue may well be that OP does not like dogs full stop, or that MILs dog is badly behaved and she does not want her child near the dog whichever home it is in.
Or she may just not like the MIL !

BUT I can quite see why OP does not want to travel and wants to have Christmas with her own family in her own home, esp when pg. We now say Christmas day is just for us at home and do all the other family visits during the following week. The kids love having 3 or 4 different christmas days/family dos!

It is only a 3 hour drive. why can ILs not visit for a even half day? 3 hrs there, stay 3 hours, 3 hours back - that's not too hard is it? The dog can have a walk when they arrive, then stay in the car. Or they can leave it at home and ask a neighbour to let it out. If it can't be trusted to behave on its own/for a neighbour/in the car journey then that just backs up OPs unwillingness to have the dog at hers!

YANBU For goodness sake how do you remain patient with such people?!

God I hate all this 'love me love my slobbery dog' brigade.

Still as expat says, I'd call that a right good result Happy dog free Christmas!

cant your dh go and meet his dad halfway on his own with your dd?

YANBU. You have invited them and made it clear that you haven't invited the dog. The decision is now up to them-don't feel guilty.