Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell my mother in law she can't bring her dog to stay?

84 replies

cheesesandwich · 31/10/2008 09:22

My in laws have a big, badly behaved, 2 year old red setter, and we (me, DH and DD (15 months)) live in a small terraced house in London, with no garden. Last year, we asked them to come for Christmas, but told them they couldn't bring the dog. They said that this put them in the intolerable position of choosing between spending Christmas with their grand daughter or their dog. They chose the dog, and didn't come. We asked them again this year, but have been told that if the dog isn't welcome, we clearly don't welcome them into our home and so they're not coming. (Ever? I'm starting to hope so...). Of course, we could go to theirs for Christmas, but they live a long way away, and we always have a miserable time, so we'd much rather be at home - especially now we've got DD. So am I being unreasonable??

OP posts:
needmorecoffee · 31/10/2008 10:10

wouldn't want a well behaved dog crappingy in my garden to be honest.
Why don't they make a day trip? The dog will be ok for a few hours?

filz · 31/10/2008 10:10

she doesnt want to

you know this kind of thread really pisses me off because it is completely petty.

OP, you want to stay at home on christmas day with your daughter, you dont want your mil/fil dog there. UNDERSTANDABLE

But the compromise is you would visit them on boxing day or something. be grateful your child has grandparents and your husband has parents. Not all of us are that lucky

needmorecoffee · 31/10/2008 10:12

the grandparents sound inconsiderate. Not everyone has nice grandparanets.

filz · 31/10/2008 10:13

they are ALL being selfish

Original poster
cheesesandwich · 31/10/2008 10:16

Thank you guys - was starting to feel like evil family wrecker... But we just haven't got any space - we haven't got a garden or outbuildings. And they won't leave the dog in the car. Aside from being a bit mean anyway, it would probably get nicked where we live...

DH is pissed off and upset- he has a difficult relationship with her, but tries really hard to keep it going because of his Dad (who incidentally, really does want to see DD at Christmas). But honestly, hard to be nice when it seems to be dog vs dd.

And filz, we do go and see them every few months, and we've been to theirs for about 4 christmases over the years... But it's a 3 hour drive, we both work, I'm pregnant and I just want to have Christmas at home - and it would just be nice if they'd come and see us sometimes without a fight...

OP posts:
filz · 31/10/2008 10:19

its not dog v's dd. Lots of dog owners dont like using kennels. It isnt unusual. maybe you could look into a kennel local to you> maybe then they could walk the dog etc without it having to stay with you

JodieO · 31/10/2008 10:24

It is dog v dd though as they won't visit without their dog. If they really want to visit the onus is on them to prepare care for their dog not the op, they should look for someone/somewhere for their dog to go.

Why should she visit them on Boxing day and the inlaws not put themselves out at all? It's totally unreasonable when she's been there for 4 years and is also pregnant.

joyfuleyes · 31/10/2008 10:32

YNBU I like dogs, we've always had a family dog but some people are absolutely ridiculous about them. They are animals, not humans, and they come at the bottom of the pecking order every time. You can guarantee that the stupid, sentimental owners are the ones with the spoilt, untrained, badly socialised, vile slobbery creatures who constantly jump up & beg for food. The dog doesn't care that it's Christmas ffs - put it in kennels for a couple of days.

jelliebelly · 31/10/2008 10:34

YANBU - why do dog lovers assume that everybody else has to like dogs too? We have this problem with PIL too but there is no way I am having their dog in my house. They are noisy and smelly and have claws that scratch wooden floors. apart from that MIL treats the dog like a baby and I really can't abide seeing it tbh. If they want to visit us they can but they can't bring the dog - they have accepted that. You need to put your foot down until they get the message that you are serious

expatinscotland · 31/10/2008 12:20

it's a dog. a fecking dog. not a person.

they wanted the dog, they want to let it be ill-behaved. then it's their problem, not yours.

Cheesesarnie · 31/10/2008 12:22

yanbu

chequersandchess · 31/10/2008 12:26

Tell them to stay in the travelodge and leave the dog in the car when they visit.

That's what we do with our dog when we visit PIL (our decision, didn't have to be asked but wouldn't inflict her on their lovely house).

MorrisZapp · 31/10/2008 12:27

lol, I am imagining all these YANBU posts with the word 'baby' or 'child' in place of 'dog'.

Ie 'If people want to have children and they expect their children to be welcome wherever they go, they had better make sure their children are well behaved 100% of the time' etc.

People love their kids. People love their dogs.

Can't decide if it's U or not but suspect that OP doesn't want them to come anyway so the dog thing could be an ideal excuse.

StewieGriffinsMom · 31/10/2008 12:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

expatinscotland · 31/10/2008 12:36

People love their kids. People love their dogs.

Children are people. Dogs are NOT. That's the big difference.

Sounds to me more like since the OP has visited the ILs the past few years, the MIL is using the dog because she can't be arsed to visit her son and grandchild instead.

It's a dog, ffs.

expatinscotland · 31/10/2008 12:38

it's also illegal to leave children on their own.

so you sort of have to take them with you.

but the same is not true of pets like dogs.

clam · 31/10/2008 12:40

So what do they do when they go on holiday? Insist that Easyjet change the rules and let their dog on the plane? Or do they only go to dog-friendly places in the UK?
YANBU.

MorrisZapp · 31/10/2008 12:42

It's illegal to neglect animals and can result in prosecution.

I'm not defending the MIL, she sounds like a major PITA. Just making an observation.

So many AIBU threads are about other people not tolerating people's DC's. I just saw a parallel, that's all.

cocoleBOO · 31/10/2008 12:42

YANBU.

(Good Luck expat ).

TheInvisibleSpookDidIt · 31/10/2008 12:44

Ridiculous that they choose thier dog over their Grandchild.

I wouldn't be going to thier house either, apart from being pregnant and the journey with a young child, I wouldn't take my child into a house with a badly behaved dog.

These people need to sort out whats really important. I know how much you can love a pet (I have 2 cats and they're a big part of my family), but really, there's no choice between an animal or a child, is there.

Feel bad for your dh, asit must hurt him that his parents are like this

expatinscotland · 31/10/2008 12:48

Yes, Morris, but even if you'd have to leave your dog for several days with no food or chained up and someone would have to report it.

V. leaving your young child alone whilst you left the home. BIG trouble. S

There is no parallel between pet dogs and children because the latter is a person.

The MIL's just using hte dog as an excuse to not visit.

That would be good enough for me!

ohdearwhatamess · 31/10/2008 12:49

Think you are being a bit unreasonable tbh. You don't like the dog - fine - but it sounds like you want them to do all the compromising.

Fwiw (and lots of people will tell me I'm wrong) any decent kennels will have got booked up for Christmas months ago.

expatinscotland · 31/10/2008 12:54

compromising.

over a DOG.

the OP and her family have travelled to the ILs for hte past few years because of the dog.

is it unreasonable to want the ILs to do the compromising one year?

JodieO · 31/10/2008 13:01

Exactly Expat. Can you imagine what grandchild will think when she's older too? When she asks why nanny and grandad aren't coming for Christmas. I imagine being told their dog is more important to them would be a lovely feeling.

mazzystartled · 31/10/2008 13:10

y are so NBU

ridiculous to expect to bring dog

BUT

despite their unreasonableness I think that at some point in the future you should be prepared to trolley back up there and have a miserable time doing your duty and letting them be with their granddaughter at xmas. just maybe not this year.