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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask a parent not to have balloons at their childs party??

104 replies

Thomcat · 30/10/2008 14:44

Well of course that's unreasonable and I would never ask that, but we do have a problem with balloons and I didn't know where to post this or what to call thread.

Here's the problem:

DD1 gets asked to parties a lot, like everyone else.
She is 7 and Has Down's syndrome.
She has a huge, massive fear of balloons. HUUUUUGE fear.

We quite often don't get through the door if she spots a balloon and we have to come home again.

So, we have the latest invitation and I have been holding onto it for over a week as I just don't know what to do.

It's at Pizza Hut and I just know they will decorate the place with balloons. They just will.

If I say yes to yet another party and then have to leave before we really even get through the door again, in no particular order it's:
a) it's a massive pita for me to have dressed DD1 up, settled the other 2 kids, go all the way there just to come home again
b) it's unfair on DD1 who gets all excited about going to a perty only to be confronted with a balloon.
c) unfair on the bou whose party it is as he really likes DD1
d) unfair on the othjer mum who will inevitably feel all bad (happened before many times)

So what do I do?

Do I ring and say yes we'd love to come but just please understand if we have to leave if DD1's balloon phobia kicks off? Then leave it up to her if she still has balloons on the day and it's tough on DD1 if there is??????

OP posts:
Pinkjenny · 30/10/2008 15:53

Wonderful. I hope the beautiful Lottie has a lovely time.

Cheesesarnie · 30/10/2008 15:57

well done.glad it worked out.your children are beutiful(ive been sneaking a look on your profile)

Original poster
Thomcat · 30/10/2008 15:58

Thank you all for being so lovely

OP posts:
Wags · 30/10/2008 16:00

Great, glad you spoke to her. Lets hope that secretely she goes to Pizza Hut (or should that be 'Pasta Hut for a trial period') early and exterminates every single balloon before Lottie gets there. I know I would

purpleduck · 30/10/2008 16:06

TC
Is there kind of therapy that she would respond to to rid herself of the ballon phobia?

Well done for calling - It was just my ds;s birthday, and I wouldn't have minded in the slightest not having balloons. Hope she has a lovely day.

purpleduck · 30/10/2008 16:09

TC
Is there kind of therapy that she would respond to to rid herself of the ballon phobia?

Well done for calling - It was just my ds;s birthday, and I wouldn't have minded in the slightest not having balloons. Hope she has a lovely day.

Original poster
Thomcat · 30/10/2008 16:17

I might get there ealy and do it myself!!!!

I'm hoping she'll grow out of the balloon thing tbh bit her fears seem to be getting worse as she gets older.

She used to be able to tolerate dogs, now she has melt downs.

Same with cats. She ws fine with my mums cat forever and now she can't even see it through the window without kicking off.

I call them her irrational fears but to her they are not irrational they are very very real.

I remmebr reading an article about a mother whose DS had Down's syndrome and he too had 'irrational' fears. It was nice to know I wasn't alone!

It's part Lottie and part linked to having Down's syndrome, I think.

At least the way she kicks off is a Down's syndrome thing. She's not just scared, she literally has a melt down and can't come back from it for a while after balloon has gone and even then she's on edge in case she sees another one.

OP posts:
Wisp · 30/10/2008 16:18

My DS has just got back from a party at a Pizza Hut, came back with a helium balloon, and I've asked him when he was given it, and he said at the end when they finished eating.
Hope your DD has a great time!

noonki · 30/10/2008 16:19

Hi Thomcat, so pleased about the outcome, I was about to post YANBU. My DS1 was ABSOLUTELY petrified of balloons, a real quivering wreck and we had to leave a number parties as he was so scared. He doesnt have any sn btw but it might be worth ago if you havent already doing what we did.

A ballon had one burst on him and hurt him his hand. And as mentionned he was absolutely terrifed of being in the same room as a ballon. We ended up spending a few days firstly talking about ballons a bit (he was only 2 so not a huge convo) then looking at pictures on the computer a few times, then looking at unblown ballons and thenblowing up one and touching it then very gently throwing in the air, I drew a smiley face on one and called hime 'mr ballon' (who ended up having a whole personality, think I got a bit to into mr ballon )mind you he loved him too! Then progressed to leaving them around the house, on to the helium ones, and then into a party with loads.

It did take time and we had to go one step forward two steps back, but was worth it as I'm sure you are aware they are bloody everywhere!

Now I'm afraid it's gone too much the other way and he is obsessed with the things.

Anyway if you have tried all this already you can just roll your eyes at me now and say if only it were that easy!

But if not maybe give it a go

Original poster
Thomcat · 30/10/2008 16:25

Thanks Wisp. Great timing huh

Noonki - bless you for taking the time & trouble. TBH I've just avoided the whole balloon thing for a while now but it might be time to start seeing if we cn at least lessen her fear if not get rid of it altogeher.
How lovley your DS has gone the other way completley and is now obsessed with them, LOL!

OP posts:
morningpaper · 30/10/2008 16:26

I would have minded as I spent 2 days blowing up balloons for my DD's birthdays but I would have invited her for a play-date party tea at a later date, which is what we've done in the past with non-attendees who have wanted to come

glad it's sorted though

Original poster
Thomcat · 30/10/2008 16:43

LOL MP!

OP posts:
BalloonSlayer · 30/10/2008 17:02

Did someone call me...?

mmwaaaaahahahahahaha

Bathsheba · 30/10/2008 17:10

I have an adult friend who has a balloon phoia and once I knew about it we avoided having them at any event she was invited to.

I can't imagine any parent who wouldn;t compromise to meet this need in the situation you find yourself.

ledodgy · 30/10/2008 17:22

I would be happy not to have balloons either. You will also need to inform Pizza hut though because whenever i've been there with the children they always present the children with the balloons after the meal and that is when there is no party! Hence you may have a problem from them giving them out to other children who aren't at the party.

Flum · 30/10/2008 17:29

I think rather than ask them not to have balloons I would word it more like this.

"I am so sorry but I don't think dd will be able to come as she has a serious phobia of balloons which are always at parties. Unless you would be willing not to have balloons which I feel it would be unreasonable to request dd just won't be able to come, she just gets too scared and hysterical"

That way you are asking without really asking. The ball is in her court and she can think about it and may well say. "In that case we just won't have balloons will that be ok?"

Of course she may say "Oh that is a shame, goodbye" But I think it is worth the risk to not appear demanding.......

YOur dd may grow out of the balloon thing eventually, non?

Flum · 30/10/2008 17:33

ERmmm sorry am too late with my excellent response.

smartiejake · 30/10/2008 17:39

A great result for you Thomcat! Hope Lottie has a lovely time (she's adorable BTW, as are all your DCs- just looked at your profile)

upnorth · 30/10/2008 17:45

sorry personally I wouldn't change my child's birthday party to suit just one child. Kids expect balloons and I wouldn't want to disappoint. Children are afraid of lots of things but you cannot cater for everyone. If however you explained the situation to me and my child was your child's friend then I would go ahead with the party but invite your child to a special tea where there would be cake and a party bag and a few games but NO balloons.

Wags · 30/10/2008 18:35

See I disagree upnorth. My kids love balloons. DS is slightly obsessed with them if I am honest. He wants to blow them up the whole time. A friend has a big bag at her house. She now hides them from him... he finds them , think he must sniff them out. Anyway, he would be upset to have no balloon. But thats all he would be, upset. He could be easily distracted, he would get over it, it wouldn't matter. The OP's DD has a phobia. She has a meltdown that she can't get over, it would ruin her whole day. I think for a child that probably has a bit more stuff to deal with than maybe most children do, if as a parent I could make a party the same for her as all the other children there, then thats what I would do. Extra sweets for all the kids and everyone is happy. Whats the harm in that?

falcon · 30/10/2008 18:37

YABU.You can't dictate what they do and have at their own party. I do sympathise though as I also have a phobia of balloons.

Ivegotaheadache · 30/10/2008 18:38

Well, if a mum came up to me and said that her dc had a huge phobia of balloons so would I mind not having any at a party I'd invited her child to (presumably because MY child wanted them there), I'd have no problem with that at all.
In fact if teh child didn't come adn I found out it was because of balloons and the mum didn't say anything to me I'd be annoyed and quite upset.

Children don't expect balloons at a party other decorations would work just as well.

In fact I took dd1 to pizza hut for her birthday and there weren't any balloons up at all.
No one noticed as they were all too excited about being in Pizza Hut with all their friends.

falcon · 30/10/2008 18:40

However after reading the post where you mentioned your dd's balloon phobia you brought up the subject very appropriately.

Asking someone not to have balloons would be unreasonable but you put it very well without pressuring her.

MrsWeasleyIsTheCrazyHatLady · 30/10/2008 18:47

I agree with the many posters that not having balloons at a party really isn't a problem.

Thomcat: when Lottie gets future invites please tell the Mums about her fear, I would be surprised if anyone finds it a big issue.

I have a friend who has a Balloon fear and if DC want balloons we blow them up after the party for DC to kick around. No problem

SoupDragon · 30/10/2008 18:49

Glad it's sorted. I wouldn't have a problem with having a balloon free party.

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