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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Untitled

22 replies

pinkbubble · 29/10/2008 22:03

Tomorrow we are going away for a few days. DH asked 2 of our DDs friends to come with us.

Our DD2 friend turned up this evening with £50 to give to us to pay towards their DDs upkeep.

Admittedly we are doing alot -
Thurs Cadbury World afterwards dining at Frankie and Bennies

Fri Alton Towers eating throughout the day at the actual park.

Sat drive down to London, Lunch at The Chicago Ribshack, then the Science Museum, then somewhere for tea, and then to see a London show. Get home really late Sat night!

We asked the friends to come because we intended to pay for both of them. We were not trying to be flash or anything like that. But DH has this theory that if we invite DDs friends along then he hopes that will keep DDs interested in coming on holiday for longer! IYSWIM

Now here is my dilema, DD2 friends mum was really insistent that we take the money. I on the other hand feel really bad about taking the money.

We are paying for 3 rooms for 2 nights while we are away, so I know that DD2 friends mum is being very nice, but I do so feel so guilty accepting this money as DD1 friend has offered nothing! (TBH that bit does not bother me as much)

AIBU to refuse point blank to DD2 friends Mum, even though she did ask me a couple of weeks ago could she contribute - I did say no then! and then for her to turn up today with money, I just feel so bad!

OP posts:
Original poster
pinkbubble · 29/10/2008 22:04

See I feel so bad I forget to add a title!

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Flum · 29/10/2008 22:07

I would offer it back to her and if she refuses to take it, say would it be ok if you donated it to Great Ormand St Hospital (insert bland worthy charity of your choice).

Or if she really insists just be nice about it and say thank you very much! £50 ain't even gonna make a dent in what you are going to be paying though - blimey what a great few days!

CatMandu · 29/10/2008 22:08

If I were the parent of dd2's friends Mum I would feel much happier giving you the money. It would make me feel uncomfortable knowing you were paying for everything, even though by the sounds of it £50 won't cover it.

Don't give it back.

CandleQueen · 29/10/2008 22:08

Take the money with grace. The Mum is probably very grateful for for taking her DD on such a fab trip. Buy her a nice souvenier!

Original poster
pinkbubble · 29/10/2008 22:09

We did refuse it when she gave it to us. In the end she just laid envelop on side.

I guess what how I feel is that we asked her DD as she is a lovely girl and she is a very good friend of DDs.

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naturalblonde · 29/10/2008 22:09

Can I come? That sounds like fun!

Original poster
pinkbubble · 29/10/2008 22:11

I did think about the souveniers thing to be honest as she does have 2 younger sisters.

I guess I think of £50 as a lot of money in cash! Especially as we didn't ask for it. Think I am a bit embarrassed TBH.....

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Original poster
pinkbubble · 29/10/2008 22:12

Natural - yes you can come and take my place - I am kind of dreading it!

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misselizabethbennet · 29/10/2008 22:13

I think you should take the money. Otherwise they may be unwilling to send their DD with you next time. They obviously feel strongly that they want to contribute.

Mulanmum · 29/10/2008 22:15

Accept the money graciously. If it was my daughter I wouldn't dream of letting her accept so much hospitality without my contributing something. Enjoy the trip - sounds fab!

CarGirl · 29/10/2008 22:15

perhaps she really wanted to contribute because she knows she will never be able to reciprocate?

noonki · 29/10/2008 22:15

can I come ?

kalo12 · 29/10/2008 22:16

you must accept this money because you already told her not to and she still wants to.. it may be that she doesn't feel that she would be able to reciprocate your kind offer and doesn't want to feel uncomfortably indebted.

you must accept this with grace, it is the correct thing to do

J2O · 29/10/2008 22:20

aww its nice that she gave you it and nice that you are doing it without expecting anything, how about you divide it between the dcs to use for pocket money/gifts etc?

JuxBackFromTheDead · 29/10/2008 22:21

Take the money. The kid can use it as spending money or buy her mum a present with it etc.

I would feel bound to give some money towards such a fabulous trip and to be honest would be quite embarrassed if I didn't contribute at all.

Original poster
pinkbubble · 29/10/2008 22:25

I feel this is a double edge!

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Flum · 29/10/2008 22:31

I don't think you should give the money to the kids though...... They are having a great enough time already. Howabout one meal announce that that was just on name of frineds mum and wasn't that nice of her. Remind both your dd and the other friend dd to thank her.

Then you can tell the friends Mum exactly what you used the money for and now nice the meal was, thne she will feel included.

J2O · 29/10/2008 22:32

good idea from flum

Original poster
pinkbubble · 29/10/2008 22:35

Flum, that is an idea, although I feel that I would have cheated the Mum, as we have already decided and were prepared to pay for all meals. At least then DD2 friend would go home and say "oh we payed for so and so!"

Although, again I am worried as the friend is vegetarian, and Mum has said if all fails just get her a plate of chips! Would be just my luck to announce that this meal is paid for by DD2 friend and she doesn't like any of the food!

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ShyBaby · 29/10/2008 22:36

Accept the money and if it makes you feel better, drop into the convo which trip/treats/rubbish it was spent on. Id hate it if one of my kids went away without any kind of contribution from me. I would be offended if you didn't accept it.

Flum · 29/10/2008 22:44

Pinkbubble you are getting waaaaaaay to concerned about this. I don't think it is that big a deal. It is really kind of you to take their dd away, it is really kind of the Mum to want to contribute. You are both really kind and nice. So stop fretting eh!

Original poster
pinkbubble · 29/10/2008 22:46

Flum, I know you are right, I just didn't expect Mum to turn up tonight with money. So now all sorts are running through my head etc!

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