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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having twins is overrated?

71 replies

inabadmood · 28/10/2008 17:13

Everyone seems to think that having twins is a blessing. Not in our experience. All they have done is totally upset the household, caused chaos, dont care about anyone but themselves.

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LostProphet · 28/10/2008 17:13

Aww

Same goes for all kids though tbh. Blessing my arse this afternoon when DS was drinking the sugar

DANCESwithLordPsGhost · 28/10/2008 17:14

Oh no...you sound like you are having a terrible day. How old are your twins?

Original poster
inabadmood · 28/10/2008 17:18

6 yr old boys. They were great until about 2.5yrs. Its been downhill all the way ever since. Had to pay a nanny to come in and help with potty training as they were so uncooperative. We cant go anywhere without everyone noticing we are there. Most people seem to think they are funny. I just think they are tedious and annoying. So does my DH and older DS1.

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luckylady74 · 28/10/2008 17:19

I found it shit for 6 months, very hard work for the next year or so, but now they're nearly 4 and ds1 is at school I think it is a blessing because they don't need me all the time as they have each other to play and argue with.
Tbh ds1 has special needs and so much of his behaviour made the average toddler strop and so on pale in comparison that I didn't find them behaviourally hard, just logistically hard.
So a bit YANBU and YABU!

Original poster
inabadmood · 28/10/2008 17:21

I know I should be grateful but I am just fed up and resentful of the fact I only ever wanted ONE more, not two!

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LostProphet · 28/10/2008 17:23

The whole concept of twins scares the cr&p out of me.

I have no helpful advice, but you sound so low

pamelat · 28/10/2008 17:24

I would love twins.

My friend has an 11 month old and twins (4 weeks old!). Not sre that I would love that

Twin bit aside, I am sure that 2 boys can be hard regardless of the age gap. I know I am massively generalising (and will get shouted down) but my experience is that if you have 2 boys they can be fairly physically hard work!!

Girls may be manipulative but at least they may be more inclined to sit down from time to time???! Or am I wrong?

Saying that, am sure its just a stage (2.5 year one ). It will be lovely again soon. Think how proud you will be at their weddings when they may have one another as best man, what a great top table speech!

Original poster
inabadmood · 28/10/2008 17:25

Thanks. I am. Just so fed up with all the hassle. Had a stressful pregnancy and know I should be glad to have 2 handsome, healthy boys but I feel like they would be better off with another Mum who would enjoy them more.

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pamelat · 28/10/2008 17:27

inabadmood - do you get much of a break?

Original poster
inabadmood · 28/10/2008 17:31

Only when they are at school. I think because we had to move away from family with my DH work it makes me sad any way. Just to be able to pop round to them for a cup of tea etc would be great.

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PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 28/10/2008 17:31

I nannied twin boys, and I have to admit, loved the twins dearly (and I would have loved my own, insane woman that I am), I did state when I was pregnant with DD1 that I hope like hell not to have a boy as nannying the twins scared me......they were such hard work!

now tho, these 'boys' are men of 20, and are gorgeous and fantastic and utterly amazingly handsome.

I know it is hard, and I offer you a huge hug, but it does get better, eventually. Don;t feel guilty for saying it is hard, parenting is hard, especially when you find yourself low and constantly running about after lively lads.

Original poster
inabadmood · 28/10/2008 17:34

Oh pshyco you are so kind. Have made me cry now..

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ohIdoliketobebesidethe · 28/10/2008 17:36

I would hate to have twins - this preg we had twins to begin with and I surprised myself by not shedding a tear when one faded away - I just felt immense relief.

There is an odd romanticised notion about twins that I bought into before I had kids though.

Having every problem doubled is bound to be hard. Does one of them behave badly when the other does and vice versa?

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 28/10/2008 17:36

aww.......well, better out than in, and a good cry is very theraputic I find.

but a bigger hug, as I think you so need it.

Original poster
inabadmood · 28/10/2008 17:41

They seem to do this "pass the baton" with bad behaviour so there seems to be no let up. If they are being calm I am constantly on edge wondering when they are going to start.I think it is the fact they feel they never get enough of me and I am exhausted trying to give them both what they want.

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jellybeans · 28/10/2008 17:48

Hi I also have 6 year old twin boys and it has been very hard at times but on the whole I love it and would choose it again. I feel lucky to have twins as not everyone gets to have them. I also lost 2 babies late in pregnancy and nearly lost one twin so just feel grateful most the time that I have them, I always wanted twins too, to me it is double the hard and double the good. So I can see where you are coming from. They are very boistrous at times but sometimes they just crack me up so much and have me in hysterics. I do feel, though, that unless someone has twins they don't know how hard it can be. Alot of people say they had 2 close together so it is 'the same' as having twins, I disagree.

MadamDeathstare · 28/10/2008 17:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PsychoAxeMurdererMum · 28/10/2008 18:00

jellybeans, I actually found it harder having two very close in age than when I nannied the twins.

but then, I actually found it a huge shock having a single baby after nannying the twins for 5yrs!

having said that tho, I did live in and was 'on duty' for 24hrs/5days a week. I had the break of two days.......which I do think made all the difference. I do wonder if twin-mums need a guaranteed break to get thro it, especially when they do that 'look' and then just do something naughty, no words and clues required.

luckylady74 · 28/10/2008 18:14

Inabadmood - I was pissed off for the first 2 yrs at least because I only ever wanted 1 more as well - not wishing my dc away - just had envisaged a different future to the one I have.
I also agree that as I have mixed sex twins its not the same -I am grateful for their differences and for the way my dd sits down and LEAVES ME BE!
However, I do have experience of resenting a child and I think it's very very dangerous. I empathise with the on edgeness and I actively didn't like my ds1 a lot of the time because of his lack of affection and empathy .
I have made (with the breathing space that school gave a
big effort to get on with my son - I've literally scheduled in affectation (sounds weird but suits an autistic child) and when I've felt like staying at home I have made myself go out as a family.
I do understand the public spectacle thing too -it's something I find really hard - my dh doesn't give a shit if people stare whereas I go home and cry!
I've been rewarded by my ds being a lot better with me - he still behaves badly, but he regards me as his mum and wants to be with me. I shudder to think how easily I could have left all the parenting to dh and had no relationship with him. I feel better about myself and so have more energy to deal with his behaviour.
Try and find a positive tomorrow and hang on to it!

Tortington · 28/10/2008 18:17

second post like this today from you - bad day i take it

i agree its a fucking nightmare until they are 6

then just when you think life is sweet they hit 15

and start aguing outside wth their boyfriend

Original poster
inabadmood · 28/10/2008 18:21

I try so hard to make everything good for everyone and resent it when they seem to throw it all back in my face. It does make me then withdraw totally as a sort of survival mechanism. I actually went home early from our family holiday 2 years ago as I couldnt bear them being so full on. It totally does my head in! My older DS hit the nail on the head yesterday. It isnt what they do, its the intensity of it all and the fact that they just dont seem to know when to stop.

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luckylady74 · 28/10/2008 18:42

I do go away for the day every now and then and so does dh.Scheduled breaks are very positive.
You sound a bit depressed - do you think you might be?
It sounds like your ds1 is your ally as he feels overwellmed too. I do try and avoid potraying ds1's behaviour as negative to his siblings if I can because I want them to support him and not label him as 'bad'. I try and give them the impression that they're all bloody irritating at times.
'Divide and conquer' is the best bit of advice I've had recently. We eat together and do one thing together a day at the weekend, but split up the rest of the time.
You sound like you've been unhappy for a long time - do you think counselling might help - as a new life's not available!

Liney15 · 28/10/2008 18:53

As a twin I would have to agree - twins are difficult (and people who want twins are mad). I remember being so much hard work for my poor Mum who ended up not having any more children after us because of the risk of non-identical twins in the family (I'm identical).

Don't be too hard on youself - I think back and really appreciate all my parents did for us. Speaking for myself I was always closer to my twin than anyone else and that made it hard to show my parents how much I cared about them too.

clam · 28/10/2008 18:58

I don't get the fascination with twins. My sister has identical boys and people always used to 'ahh' over them and say , "Oh I always wanted twins." Like she had any choice on the matter. And she'd look back at them and think: "you don't know what you're saying." as she struggled with post-natal depression, 3 kids under 2, one baby in hospital and who never stopped crying, and she went 4 months with no longer than 20 minutes sleep at any one time.
The good news: they're now 19, adorable and she has worshipped them from the moment the anti-depressants kicked in when they were 4 months old!

Original poster
inabadmood · 28/10/2008 19:26

Liney15 that is so interesting. I do sometimes feel that they are so wrapped up in each other to the detriment of everyone else in the family. My boys are identical too. I think maybe that makes it harder for them,striving even harder to be individual but still a pair.

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