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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that having twins is overrated?

71 replies

inabadmood · 28/10/2008 17:13

Everyone seems to think that having twins is a blessing. Not in our experience. All they have done is totally upset the household, caused chaos, dont care about anyone but themselves.

OP posts:
MilaMae · 28/10/2008 19:27

I had IVF twin boys then another when they were 15 months. Our life of chaos and stress frightened my sister and best friend so much sister insisted she'd only ever be having 1,b friend none. B friend now has boy/girl twins and sister had identical twin boys 8 months ago

Apparantly sister said f*k when the scanner told her. I'll never forget her panic stricken phonecall from the hospital, still makes me chortle to this day.

Anyway they're gorgeous and they momentarily made me broody for another set myself ( Idid say momentarily)Other people's do look rather appealing but when you're doing it yourself it can be grueling to say the least!!!!!!!!! Wouldn't swap them for the world though

pamelat · 28/10/2008 20:59

I think the nicest thing about twins is that you can just be pregnant the one time, however horrible it may be.

ohIdoliketobebesidethe · 28/10/2008 21:04

Yeah - but then you only get one maternity leave.

WinkyWinkola · 28/10/2008 21:07

Well, twins are very interesting but I don't think, given the choice and knowing what i know now about raising children, I'd have them.

It all seems so intense and stressful with two babies and little time for enjoying their various stages in life. I speak from ignorance however so please do correct me.

The only way I'd want twins is if it would mean I could have my four children without having to worry about my age when I have my fourth. If I have four, IFYSWIM.

jellybeans · 28/10/2008 21:51

You may get two babies from one pregnancy but you still have to give birth twice! I had one twin by normal birth (complete with tear) and a section with other twin which was a hideous experience.

babbi · 28/10/2008 22:56

I was sad when I lost DD`s twin at around 11 weeks PG . However in all honesty I can say that many a time I have felt some relief on the tougher days that I only have the one to deal with. (Though obv if I had a choice I wish the other LO was here IYSWIM)
YANBU and am sending you a huge hug.. you are doing great xx

Ashantai · 28/10/2008 23:29

I always fantasised about having twins till i finally gave birth and realised that if it was a twin pregnancy, i'd be having to do it all over again a few mins later!

In the end my girls were born 17 months apart and were so close in height that people mistook them for twins. I remember being pregnant with my son and this woman came up to me and said "ooh i bet you're hoping its not twins again". I did play along, much to my OH amusement

Leoloopydoo · 29/10/2008 09:36

Inabadmood, it sounds as if you need a huge break and some regular help at home.
Perhaps time doing something with each of the dts individually would help as you would get to know them better as single people and not as a collective unit and you may find you enjoy them more.

I think all parents of multiples feel what you are feeling at different times.

Monday I was in the garden with the dcs, a neigbours child came to play with ds1 and later her mother came by to take her home. I had has such a desparately bad day that I ended up breaking down in front of the woman that I hardly know.

I called my sister the day before I had my first scan and told her I thought my worst nightmare was about to come true, I thought I was having twins.
It took me a long time to come to terms with the idea of having twins and it is hell sometimes, I would never wish it on someone else and want to punch strangers that come up and tell me how much they would love to have twins. But I have them, I love them and wouldn't want anything to change.

dsrplus8 · 29/10/2008 11:28

not sure if twins are overrated,but they are hard work,expensive and its soooo difficult to get a babysitter.i wouldnt wish twins on anyone,having said that i adore mine"most days".its the higher mulitp-mums i feel for,oh you poor exausted girls with triplets or more!

hattyyellow · 29/10/2008 16:19

It is hard a lot of the time, very hard. I have twin girls and I imagine boys might be harder..

I felt very resentful at times during their first few years. A lot of it was exhaustion.

It's got easier recently and overall I'm happy to have twins. I definitely wouldn't go back now and just have had one because they are two very different little people so it does feel like they're not twins a lot of the time.

But there is definitely a whole universe of praticalities/guilt/expenses/restrictions involved with two children of the same age that people with one singleton can only imagine/simply have no idea about.

My MIL is permanently comparing her two daughters born a year apart as being exactly the same as having twins - and it's just not the same at all!

Sorry you're feeling so low - it does sound like you could do with a bit more of a break?

inabadmoodbutbetternow · 30/10/2008 09:52

Just wanted to thank everyone for all your messages of support. Couldnt log in yesterday as internet on the blink! DTs behaved better yesterday and today so far. They are much calmer and have been playing nicely. My head feels a lot clearer now. Thanks everyone. xxx

PazzaPlusTwo · 30/10/2008 12:55

my heartfelt sympathy OP - i have all that to look forward to - dt girls are 6 months, sleeping better and still not crawling. a wee bit of breathing space before the next onslaught perhaps...

personally i think i dont do myself any favours - i expect too much of myself, i dont give myself enough of a break, i beat myself up about never having enough time to spend with each or the fact that sometimes i resent them

i think how i react to the situation is sometimes half the problem. i have to sit myself down and say 'you're a mum of twins and they're healthy and happy (mainly), therefore you're utterly brilliant'.

...and i am taking the car the minute dh comes back from work tomorrow, my breastpump and swimming cozzie, and going for 2 days to a spa hotel to pamper myself, all on my own. before i kill dh for being completely inanely unappreciative of my hard work and sacrifices over the last 6 months. dts will survive (i hope slightly worried i'm a bad mummy emoticon)

my halloween resolution is i am going to be more of a 'best friend' to myself - because no-one else round here will!

good luck babe, you're obviously fabulous and YANBU to find it hard and annoying at times!

throckenholt · 30/10/2008 13:12

I have 5 year old id twin boys, plus a 7 year old. I have to say I am lucky enough to not recognise your description. Yes they are exhausting - but no - not like you say.

It sounds like you are depressed and theyr energy just tips you over the edge.

I would try a two pronged approach - do something about the depression, and at the same time insititute some one-to-one time with all of your kids - take it in turns to spend half an hour exclusively with one - let the other two entertain themselves for a while (they are old enough). Let the one you are with choose what you do - and have fun, get to know them, and relax. And make sure that they will all get a turn to do this - so NO whinging or interrupting when it isn't their turn.

I have to also say - no-one has ever said to me - oh I wish I had twins !

I have one friend who has twins - and she calls all twin parents twin survivors - I can see what she means.

pamelat · 30/10/2008 18:26

Isnt it silly that you only get one maternity leave?

I had no idea until my twin mum friend told me! Its shocking.

knockedgymnast · 30/10/2008 23:15

I hope you feel better soon. I have ten year old twin boys and an older dd. They are a blessing to me and I thank my lucky stars. The elder twin had breathing problems when I gave birth and had to be whisked to the special care unit. He is autistic and has problems functioning on a basic level sometimes. They are my world. Their dad left and has only seen them once in however many years ( 5 I think it is) and his family want sweet FA to do with them as well. They are a god damn blessing. I thank the lord for them every day. In the beginning it was really hard as any single parent will know but you will come out of it and you won't feel like this forever....Hope it all works out for you

chellimum · 18/01/2009 23:55

Hi there , I know how you feel, I am a single mum of my non itentical twin boys and eldest daughter 6 and my son 4 and it is TOUGH. I can undestand where you are coming from as the demands of 2 babies at once along with the hustle and bustle of the other children and trying to divide tyour time equally between them all is grueling to say the least at times. My twins are 13 months- does it get any easier lol

mimipumpkin · 19/01/2009 00:43

Another moany twin thread
Send them back if they're so annoying fgs.

I have twins and hate all the whining and sympathy seeking from some twin mums.

Deemented · 19/01/2009 08:16

Well you know what? I'd fucking love to have twins. Sadly though that's not possible as one of them died shortly after he was born. I'd love to have the chance to fucking moan about the two of them.

I can't believe that you're wishing one of them away.

mamadiva · 19/01/2009 08:35

I have identical twin sisters who are 3 years old. They are lovely and I have toay looking after both of them is nothing compared to looking after my DS who is 2 and a half.

I know they are all different and stuff but I have to say I would have loved to have twins like them

My mum came on here and left as soon as she seen the threads about twins they all seem to be about how bad iis having twins. I have a bad time with my DS but I don't go making a huge deal of it so why mak a huge deal just because there's 2? I realise at times you need to vent but everyday there seems to be a new thread about being skint because having twins, my twins wont eat or my twins are little shits.

If you are having such a touvgh time have yu tried taking them to see a professional there could be a medical reason for it ADHD or similair?

mamadiva · 19/01/2009 08:38

And also seems like you may be depressed and needing more time away from them!

I'd get yourself to doctors and another good way of dealing with children like this is too knacker them out! Alway works

Get them down the park to play football, take them swimming just anything that will tire them out really they sound as though they have lot of energy!

shabster · 19/01/2009 08:38

One of the hardest parts of having twins for me was that my secondborn twin boy had severe heart problems. BUT the hardest, most heartbreaking problem we had was burying him when he was 7 months old....

Dee - I so agree with your words.

I would give anything to be able to have both of my twin boys here - they are now 27 years old.

In this life, we get what we are given and we have to cope with it. Remember the millions of women struggling to conceive babies, the millions who mourn the loss of their child - you are a very lucky lady.

Katiestar · 19/01/2009 10:10

I am not sure many people do want twins !!
An anouncement that somebody is expecting twins normally invokes concern rather than envy !

juuule · 19/01/2009 10:13

I always hoped at my first scans that they would tell me it was twins Never to be though.

frumpygrumpy · 19/01/2009 10:17

Shabs, this thread was from October, someone just dug it back out.......

I'm not sure the upset is having twins necessarily, (yes, in the baby days) its having 3 lively children, close in age who exhaust the household.

triplets · 19/01/2009 10:23

A very lucky lady indeed.All mums have days ike yours, whether they have twins or four of different ages. Children are not easy these days, much more demanding, all kids are hard work, and to a degree can be selfish, but they did not ask to be born, they were our choice! You know that if God forbid one became ill you would be beside yourself and bitterly regret these words. I as you can see from my name have triplets! Two boys and a girl, they will be 11 in eight days time! I had them after my first child collapsed and died in my garden 15 yrs ago, he was almost 15. I thank God that that day we had no cross words. I am not saying this asking for sympathy, but your children are a blessing, you should be enjoying them, life is full of ups and downs, but that is life. I was 46 when my trio were born, so have found it a struggle, esp this last year as my husband is battling cancer and has been in hospital for the last 8 days, had liver surgery, a frustrating 70 miles away. I have struggled on my own with very little help. Please know that these negative thoughts, feelings will not be forever, your children will love you as no one else ever will.