To Think that Motherhood has become Horrifically Competitive

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perhaps parenting has always been competitive but it seems with the plethora of How to bring up your child type books it has become ridiculously so this generation. I think too often mums aren't honest with each other for fear of looking like bad parents. I really wish there was more a sisterhood among mums and less sactimonious one-up-man-ship. We would all be so much happier and more confident. Instinctive parenting seems all but lost as a result.

Arf at this thread - fab. A 'non-competitive' mother (she just kept telling us all how non-PC we were) once told me that my bottom-shuffling DD1 "looked like a monkey at the zoo." How PC was that?
Scroll 6 years on... A school gates mother jumped on me in the first week of DD1's Y2 to demand how, exactly, my DD1 came to claim in class to other kids that she could speak italian? Followed an inquisition about DH's family background (WTF?)
What is funny is that another mum later rounded on me with the exact same questions. My goodness, they actually rehearse...
I just answered that DD1 is indeed fully bilingual - she can say 'pizza' with the right intonation. Sadly, putting her down did seem to stop the hassle. Which is a bit sad for DD1, but prob healthier for my blood pressure.
I'm thinking of teaching her some Old Norse, so she can wow the parents with a couple of Sagas at the Xmas show.

so glad we avoid the school gates although I would like to see faces when I announce 4 year old dd has learned to count to 5 despite having huge chucnks of brain missing. Their poor kids need a whole brain to do same feat
School gates too cringy for me!

You can have the last laugh when they get to teenage years. They don't all turn out the way the 'competitive mummies' imagine!

I love reading parent books, its only goes to prove that I know best and that I AM the greatest parent EVER...nar nar nah nar nah.

I'm not sure anything has changed really. I listen to my grandmother, who is from a very working class background, and there was tremendous pressure on her and her children (and their peers) to be the best at something. There was also much more public condemnation for perceived failures.

I think part of the problem now is that success has somehow become un-pc and we are horribly aware of, and made uncomfortable by, the mother who drones on about little Fred's achievements. In reality is this not a natural thing to do and the rest of us supress our urge because it is not socially acceptable (and I'm not saying that it should be).

Apparently according to my DH bottom shuffling is genetic, not sure how true that is.

Totally agree, OP. It's really sad, and particularly virulent where I live - if your baby or toddler isn't going to ten "classes" a week you're a negligent Mum. Bollocks. I don't want my DS growing up in this pathetic, competitive environment and it's just one of the many reasons we're moving.

reminds me of when I went to baby signing. I'd never heard of it before but assumed, naturally, it was for disabled babies. Went along with dd who has severe cerebral palsy and will never speak (hence wanting to learn signing) and it was full of competative mummies who couldn't possibly wait a year for little Camilla to start speaking.
They were horrified at disabled baby and I was horrified at uber-competativeness when ffs, the babies were all fine and would speak eventually.
Tried Tumble tots too as I was hoping movement type things would help dd (I know it isn't SN) but dd was the only 2 year old in the under 6 months group (its labelled 'not crawling yet' so thats where dd belonged) but some yummy mummy type complained about dd being there and we had to leave
It was all about competition.

StewieGriffinsmom, I was a bum-shuffler and was the cleverest kid in the school. And I went to university. So you can tell that woman she's talking out of her stupid insecure arse.

Frigging brain gym

And needmorecoffee, that's horrible

yeah its bollocks, never entered into it miself.

"I really wish there was more a sisterhood among mums and less sactimonious one-up-man-ship. We would all be so much happier and more confident. Instinctive parenting seems all but lost as a result."

Spot on, I could not agree more. Unfortunately, we are in the minority.

Nowearefour...I think i may have fallen into the same puddle as you. Most of my friends are not too competitive, but one is, in the extreme.

I have just managed to potty train DS, and have kept very quiet about it, although at home am over the moon with him.

However, despite playing it quiet with friends, if one of them notices DS has had a change of trousers, such a fuss is made, loudly. I don't want DS to hear it, as I think it could set him back, as we play it low key when he has an accident.

I am open about how difficult it has been, and been honest about wet carpets, dribbles by the loo and the intensity of reminding DS about going for a wee, when asked by friends, and when DS is not directly around.

I say nothing to others about him...as it seems either competitive...or not good enough. As a result, I am erratic at attending coffee mornings, and social events in order to avoid the constant comparison. They all get to where they are going in their own individual way, and wouldn;t it be dull if they all did things at the exact same moment.

I am astounded that a mum of a child with SN was asked to leave a children's gym session. Surely these sessions are for everyone of every ability. I think she has the complete right to make an official complaint.

My daughter goes to a faith school in the leafy suburbs of London. It is a very good school but she goes there because I have been a member of the affiliated church for 5 years but don't live in the catchment area which is a wealthy one.

I have absolutely no interest in competitive mummies and this area is full of them! They drive me mad, full of misplaced snobbiness because they have a large house, a nanny,cleaner and 3 cars.

I pick up my daughter and hardly speak to anyone, except a few friends that I have known for a while who are not competitive. I keep myself to myself and don't get involved. I think it's far more important that my kids are happy and healthy. They will blossom in their own time and way. You cannot force a rose. I also agree with an earlier post which said that if you are over focused on your child's achievements, you lose sight of you own goals. You should always strive to achieve in you own life too as a good example and role model for your children. Competitive mummies need to get a life!

It does seem to be a real feature of suburbia. In the provinces when I was a teacher, I hardly ever saw the level of competitiveness that I see here in London. It's awful!

I think it's insecurity that drives all this competitive talk. Mums who are less confident feel the need to spout about how wonderfully their children are doing (and we should probably just feel a bit sorry for them). Those who feel they're 'getting the hang of the whole motherhood thing' just get on with it without needing to tell everyone about every last detail of their family life. The latter type of parent, I think, will breed a more contented kind of child!

I live in a very middle class village in the home counties and was really dreading this kind of thing. However, with very few exceptions, I really haven't come across any competitive parenting. Does it normally kick in when they start school? Or are my kids and I either just too rubbish (or too far ahead of the game) to bother competing with?

I think it comes from America.
Times article
It was in the paper about 10 days ago and I thought there was a lot of truth in it.

ds1 is 2.4 and ds2 is 7m - although we live in a relatively affluent part of london i don't really come across it here - but we have friends who we have known for years who insist on being uber-competitive. to the point that whenever she would say "what's x been up to recently" whatever i said would be automatically followed with "o'h yes y has been doing that too" almost tempted to say ds1 had been cooking the dinner or found a cure for cancer just to shut her up

I just don't tell her anything now.

wish we could all stick together a bit more though!

Abbey- nice to see you are still posting!

I'll probably upset some SAHMs by saying this, but how do people find the time to be competitive about dcs and worry about what everyone else's are doing? Don't they have jobs?

Excellent article in The Times AbbeyA. It echoes my sentiments that there is too much talk about paretning these days. I got flamed for saying that on another thread by one clearly very precious parent.

I can't resist mrsruffallo-however it is a great time waster and I am resolved to cut down (or give up)!
I think people are looking for their DCs to do all the things they haven't done.