To be fuming at the cheek?

[LolaTheShowgirl]

I work all hours I am able (10+ hours overtimne most weeks) for a meeny wage and to afford to live in a grimy room in a hostel. When I visited home my mother was on about how little cash she has since she gave up work. She went on and on so eventually I insisted she have £40 ontop of the £20 that I happily let her have to pay bills. I told her the £40 has got to last her and her husband the week. He works but sends all his money home to his family who live abroad. This isn't my mothers fault so that is why I gave her the money. Then today while I was looking for something, I came across the statement from the catalogue she has and I noticed she has bought a £700 laptop for her husband. I am really pissed off because while she is complaining to me and taking my money (which is meant for my holiday funds - to freaking Blackpool ffs!!!) Ok, I offered, but still, she is buying ridiculously priced fking gifts for that wanker. Oh tell me to get a life, please do but I am so pissed right now!

Hi all, thanks for your replies. No one is speaking to me now at my mothers house. I call in every day to feed my dogs because my bedsit landlord won't allow them and my mum won't see to my pets but neither of them acknowledged me. They all think i'm a bitch because my mum doesn't have any money and i'm resenting giving it to her when he is off paying £600 for the laptop. Another thing my mum thinks is that i'm very selfish because up to the age of 18 til I left college she was providing me, but excuse me because i'm not a mother, but isn't that her job as a parent? Incidentally, he could get one from the catalogue much, much cheaper. The fcking silly thing is that I am still made to feel guilty I was angry yesterday. My mother flung the £40 extra I gave her back at me and is obviously using her visa now for shopping which means more debt for her but with her husbands wage, I don't understand why she doesn't have enough. I just ignored the £40 which she threw at me, should I take it or leave it for her? I don't know. I woke up crying at 1am last night and just couldn't stop. I do feel hate for my mother and actually can see a very bright future without her in my life.

Lola, don't let their guilt make you feel guilty. They know they are in the wrong. Why would any parent not support their child till they left college?

Have you got a friend that could take your dogs for you so you don't have to go to your mums house?

Btw - let her use the visa - she is a grown up - she will have to suffer the consequences.

Lola, the guilt is there just to keep you line. It is a very unpleasant tactic but many mothers use it to control their kids.

I don't wish to be rude, but your mum does not sound very bright. If she really believes that the purpose of having children is that they can support you financially in later life then she is, frankly, thick.

Her job as a mother was to nurture you and support you emotionally and financially until such a time as you could leave home and start your own life as an independent, well-balanced and happy human being. She hasn't really done a good job there has she?

FGS, find a place where you can live with your dogs and get the hell away from her. Tell her that normal parents do not expect their kids to subsidize them, especially when those kids are starting out in life, working low paid jobs and living in frigging bedsits.

Sorry to be so blunt.

wow she sounds manipulative, take the money back (assuming she hasn't already spent it) and consider yourself as having had a lucky escape. Who are "they all" by the way, why does their opinion matter ? Do you have to visit the dogs, who walks them? If you don't plan to live anywhere soon where you can have them yourself maybe you should consider rehoming or lodging them at a friend's?

As to your mother having supported you, yes it is part of the maternal deal but presumably she claimed Child Benefit etc and perhaps maintenance? She has spent ages running you down and controlling you so I doubt it was that much of a hardship.

time to cut ties.

your mum chooses not to work, and to subsidise her DH, via your pay cheque.

that is her choice

so you have nothing to feel guilty about

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