to not want dd in a 'routine'?

[gokwancarr]

I have a friend who has for last 6mnths since dd birth been advising me to put her into a routine. at first it was just gentle suggestions, and lending me books (not gf btw!) but when i gave the book back yesterday she looked at me very sternly and said in schoolmarm tone "you really are going to have to decide what routine you want to put her in" i was too shocked at her tone of voice to speak, but another of our friends with us changed the subject anyway.
It's not that i object to routines, i know several people that they work well for, but DD feeds 6 times a day, sleeps intermitently during the day and always always has bath feed and in bed by 7pm, usually sleeping thruogh or having one feed a night. said friend is trying to get me to cut down to four feeds at fixed times of day and said i shouldn't bf dd for the hour i feed her for at night....but it's not me that decides how long it should be!!!! DD feeds till she's full, simple as that. i'm getting really hacked off, even tearful cos she makes me feel i'm doing a crap job. surely i'm doing ok, just differently to how she would do it?

[nuthacuppatea]

Tell her that your sorry she feels she has to follow these routines set out by other people and not feel secure in following her natural mothering instinct but that you are fine doing things as you feel are right for you and your baby. I appreciate many of us don't have natural mothering instinct. I didn't with my first DS and stuck to routines, books, advice which had it's benefits but also made me feel like a failure when thing didn't go to plan (which they frequently didn't). When I had my second DD I decided to go with instinct and not worry about what other people said I should be doing. She was a much calmer and more chilled baby who slept through the night much much earlier than my DS did!I also enjoyed motherhood much more and learnt not to judge myself or others by they way they chose to do things. Each to their own and as long as your child is safe and loved what business is it of anyone elses anyway?

[saggyhairyarse]

I love DecayingDisasters response, i'd do that!

[gokwancarr]

saggyhairyarse i absolutely love your name!! pmsl!!
i feel a lot better about it all now.....sometimes i feel vulnerable and her pressure makes me feel like a shit mum which i'm not at all. it's hard for me to say that , but i must make more effort to remind myself, i am not a shit mum. i try really really hard to be a good mum.