to not want dd in a 'routine'?

[gokwancarr]

I have a friend who has for last 6mnths since dd birth been advising me to put her into a routine. at first it was just gentle suggestions, and lending me books (not gf btw!) but when i gave the book back yesterday she looked at me very sternly and said in schoolmarm tone "you really are going to have to decide what routine you want to put her in" i was too shocked at her tone of voice to speak, but another of our friends with us changed the subject anyway.
It's not that i object to routines, i know several people that they work well for, but DD feeds 6 times a day, sleeps intermitently during the day and always always has bath feed and in bed by 7pm, usually sleeping thruogh or having one feed a night. said friend is trying to get me to cut down to four feeds at fixed times of day and said i shouldn't bf dd for the hour i feed her for at night....but it's not me that decides how long it should be!!!! DD feeds till she's full, simple as that. i'm getting really hacked off, even tearful cos she makes me feel i'm doing a crap job. surely i'm doing ok, just differently to how she would do it?

[Doodle2U]

PS - I should add :- I'm a fuckin' brilliant mother!

[MrsMattie]

Oh Go. Some first time mums are so bloody overbearing. Ignore her. She will probably be very embarrassed that she acted like such a loon later on down the line.

[gokwancarr]

good for you!! so am i!! i should be more confident in my skills. i just sometimes listen to her more than i should because her dc is older than mine. but in fact if i had followed her advice from the start, i'm pretty sure i wouldn't have kept bfing dd, as she kept banging on about 4hourly feeding....dd almost never goes more than 3hrs in the day, even now. she is above 98th centile for weight and height. in fact i credit mumsnet for keeping me bf because i thought my milk must not be satisfying her as she feeds so frequently. but that's just the way she is....keep trying to tell my friend that all babies are different but she jsut gives me sceptical and pitying look.

[gokwancarr]

the funny thing about this friend is that when we were arranging to meet (there were four of us), she was pressuring me to put dd down for a nap at the same time every day, when i finished the phone call i thought well, i'll give it a go, i'll put her down after her lunch at 12 (normally would feed her, put her in car and head off - she sleeps like log in car).....texted said friend back to say 'lets meet at half one instead of half 12' she then said 'we can't come and eat with you then, it's too late for dd's routine' i thought well f you then, you've cut your nose off to spite your face....so the outcome was me n 2 other had lovley lunch with our dc, while she arrived, had 1 drink took her book back with disdain then left.....silly thing. don't know why the hell i let it get to me at all actually. if she comes on here bet she's recognised herself now

[cantpickyourfamily]

I really wish at 6months my dd fed 6times a day and once at night, and in bed by 7pm. I'm so jealous as sounds like you are doing a great job.

At 14months my dd wanted to bf every hour or so but I tried not to feed her atall during the day. And at night it was every 1-3hours.

I think your friend should mind her own business. And it sounds to me like you are happy with how things are going with dd so no need to change them. They will change naturally with time anyway.

But one tip that my health visitor told me is that if you have family or friends that keep saying your dd should be doing this or that now, don't tell them about any problems you are having with dd as it makes them even worse.

[gokwancarr]

that is very good advice cantpick...i think this is what's happening here......i have real troulbe sleepng due to other probs, and therefore haven't been for an evening out since dd birth as i qlways go to bed vearly to rest. aturally i have days where this gets me down, but it's nothing to do with dd!!!
btw hope things improve for your sleeping situation......have you thought about putting dc into a routine? hwink] xxx

[lingle]

good luck asserting yourself. Perhaps your friend is bored by not working and trying to make a profession out of motherhood.

My friend also struggled with my flexible routine (and I didn't call it a routine).
I would never fall out over it but it was quite amusing to see her shocked face when her contented little baby turned into the toddler from hell.

[Gateau]

Ignore her. Have you tolld ypur friend how well your baby sleeps at night? That should shut her up!
My DS didn't have any routine til he was about a year old. (he;s now 18 months). I firmly believed he should fit in with my life, not the other way round. And the thought of blackout curtains was just laughable.
Now he's in a lovely little routine which just developed naturally.

[nappyaddict]

i think it's better when babies fall into their own routine.

[MoChan]

Tell her to PO. Routines don't work for every mother, or every baby. My daughter's never really been in one. There are things that happen each day at roughly the same time (meals, etc) but that's only evolved as she's got older (now 14months).

What a cow. How dare she talk to you like that? Tell her to just leave it alone.

[Cheesesarnie]

with my first 2 dc i listened to everyone else on how i should bring up dc.by time i had 3rd i decided actually hes mine.if im happy and hes happy sod what others think.do you know what?he was easiest of the lot!

[barnsleybelle]

I'm a routine freak tbh, it works for me.
However, it's totally up to you what you do with your baby, whatever suits i say.
My sister in law always takes each day as it comes and is as happy as larry with that. The routine makes me happy.
Do what feels right and tell her you would just prefer more flexibility as routines can be very tieing (which they are, but i still need one!!!)

[onthewarpath]

I think if you are happy and your child is too you have cracked it. There is no reason you and your child should have the same routine as your friend.I agree tha flexibility is so helpful sometimes and simplifies life a great deal.

My family lives abroad whenever I go and visit with my DC1,2,3,4 They do have to adapt to the change and do it really well. DS and BIL do not want to come here and visit us as it will "be too much to ask her DC(2 of them) to share the same room for a few days." Even when we are there, she would tell us "time for the children to have their shower" to signal us we outstayed our welcome.On the other hand she does have squeeky clean chilldren and they are very sweet and happy too!

To much routine does really spoil spontaneity a bit. DO WHAT YOU WANT!!

[Gateau]

Some people's babies are so stuck in their routine - ie BED at definate times of the day and NEVER a nap in their prams - that they have to take blackout curtains on holiday. Pathetic.

[pudding25]

To all those people who say routines are pathetic -or its is so stupid to put your baby to bed at the same times -you are all as bad as op's friend. It is none of your bloody business if that suits a family. Do what the hell you like and but out of everyone else's business.

We have a strict routine with dd. Yes, I love routines but I also do it for her. I know that she needs to sleep at certain times of the day. She only sleeps well in her cot or her pram if it is moving and sometimes in the car. Why on earth would I then take her at her nap times to someone's for lunch and have her screaming and upset throughout lunch because she needed to sleep? That would be bloody selfish of me surely to put my lunch out over her sleep time.

So, whoever had a go at their sil for not wanting to come for lunch at 1pm, then you are being pathetic.

As i have said before, everyone should mind their own bloody business and get on with making sure that their family is happy instead of butting in to other people's lives and giving unwanted advice. If someone wants no routine and that suits them, then great. If someone is routine obsessed and that suits them, then fantastic too.

It drives me mad.

[Gateau]

Pudding. the OP asked for our opinions - and she got them.. Don't get so het up about it!

[LuLuBai]

Don't worry. 6 months is early days. I breastfed on demand and didn't enforce a routine on DD. I let her find her own. This really started to fall into place as she moved fully onto solids and we have adapted as she has grown and her needs have changed (she's now 18 months).

I got a lot of cr*p from people like my MIL but I refuse to believe that one size fits all when it comes to babies' routines. Find a pattern that suits you both.

Best of luck

[macaco]

But you DO have a routine, she feeds 6 times a day, goes to bed a 7 and mostly sleeps through. It's just a different routine to hers. You're happy with it, so is your LO. Tell your friend to mind her own.

[pudding25]

gateau I know, I can't help it! I think I am just so irritated by people giving advice out where it has not beed asked for (ie op's alleged friend telling her to do what she says!). I just can't stand people telling other people what to do.

I know people are just giving their opinions but I don't come on threads saying how ridiculous I think co-sleeping is or how stupid I think it is not to have a routine -just because I don't agree with something does not mean it is wrong. I just don't like it when people slate other people for having routines/following GF etc etc. Each to their own and do what suits you best. I can't help getting worked up!

[Gateau]

Maybe the AIBU thread is not the thread for you, then. It can get quite nasty.

[pudding25]

I know! I need to go back to the nice BF thread where everyone is nice to each other byeee

[sunnydelight]

Yes pudding, it's obviously totally pathetic to expect people to continue to have good manners after giving birth. Funny how the rest of us manage it!

[gokwancarr]

Pudding25, you missed the point of my op...wasn't being critical of routines at all, but my friends attitude to my parenting.
although personally, as i live far away from most of my friends and can't drive, if i refused to come out of the house during dd's nap after 'lunch' (11.30-1.30 usually) i would never get out in the day. and i believe that my need to socialise is important...i don't do it regularly, not even once a week, so yes, sometimes i do put my need to have lunch out over her need to sleep in her cot SO THERE!! (although luckily for me as i don't have a routine she sleeps as well in her buggy as she does in her cot )

[onthewarpath]

Snap!