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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want to go back to my hell hole town for Christmas - actually I am being unreasonable but can you understand why?

57 replies

twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 10:46

We have just escaped a hell hole town, we have been planning and saving for our escape for years. We now have a lovely house in a lovely part of Dorset with lovely views (see pics on profile I am not lying [smug emoticon]) and I was looking forward to our first Christmas in our new home. So I invite family to stay and they are all staying with my mum in her house in hell hole town. One sister does live in the town but my other sister and grandad live within two hours of me, as opposed to four hours from mum.

The thought of going back to hell hole town makes me feel sick, dp does not want to go but quite rightly says we have to go along with mums plans.

I know I am being unreasonable but can you understand why I am being so.

OP posts:
differentWitch · 26/10/2008 10:50

tsap, it's a visit. Yes, I can understand where you are coming from. Is it an overnighter, or just a day trip visit?

TheHedgeWitch · 26/10/2008 10:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

PuppyMonkey · 26/10/2008 10:52

"Quite rightly" why? Do what you want at Christmas, that's what i say.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 10:52

It will be for a few days, maybe up to a week.

I want to see my family Thehedge I suppose I rather selfishly thought they would want to spend Christmas with me in my new home.

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aGalChangedHerName · 26/10/2008 10:53

Why do you have to go to your mums??

If you don't want to then don't go.

Presumably you have smallish dc who won't want to leave their toys etc?

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 10:53

I love a family Christmas and I will go there but had visions of a lovely family Christmas here. Had even started the preparations.

OP posts:
PuppyMonkey · 26/10/2008 10:54

Invite your family up for New Year instead. You stay at home for Christmas.

LostProphet · 26/10/2008 10:55

Your DP says you have to go for Christmas? and not a visit either side?

No. I am very much a family person, but a first Christmas in a new home is a special thing, and I think the rest of the family should respect that and let you do your own thing. You can't make them change their plans, but you can have a snuggly little Christmas in your gorgeous place.

Not at all of your place from everything i have seen/heard....

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 10:55

Christmas away from home is hard work as dd will not be with her things etc. Hence when we lived in the same town I tended to do Christmas at mine, also because being a teacher I have more time off around Christmas so am in a better position to do it.

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 10:57

I really don't want a Christmas away from my family espcially as we don;t see much of the northern branch anymore. I will go if they won't come to me but I am upset.

DP has not said we have to go but that we should go.

OP posts:
LostProphet · 26/10/2008 10:57

I am probably not the best person to be advising on this. I am spending my first Christmas away from my family (who I am very very close to), and spending it with DH's who neither of us are close to. I am dreading it

MrsWeasleyIsTheCrazyHatLady · 26/10/2008 10:57

Gosh I wouldn't go if you don't want to.

I would say to mum, "We want to enjoy our first Christmas in our new home. Everyone is welcome if you want a Christmas in the countryside".

On the other hand could you go there and then do New Year day at yours.

Good at making decisions me !!

lljkk · 26/10/2008 10:57

You'll have many future years in new house, a 2-3 day visit in the town where your mum lives, because she's obviously happy enough there, and doesn't like to travel, probably, would it really be so bad??

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 10:58

Noone has a lot of time of at Christmas so I imagine they will not be able to come up at new year if they are with mum at Christmas. My Grandad won;t wont or cant do endless travelling either.

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 11:00

My mum is not happy in her town, she hates her town and hates her house, noone i know is happy in the town I have left! It is my grandad who doesn't like to travel which is another reason I thought he may be happier here as it is just under two hours away rather than 4-5 hours.

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LostProphet · 26/10/2008 11:02

Would your mum understand if you explained why you wanted it at your place? Or (I have something in the back of my head), is it generally what your sisters want that goes?

findtheriver · 26/10/2008 11:02

Twinset - it sounds as if you're going to feel guilty and upset if you don't go, so it may be best to go with their plans.
Can you arrange to have a lovely New Year in your new home to give you something to look forward to?

Your posts always sound so much more positive since your move south - I can understand how you feel, but I just sense that if you stand your ground and insist on staying home for Xmas, you'll miss your family loads and will end up feeling miserable about it.

CombustiblePumpkin · 26/10/2008 11:04

I think you should go to your mother's for Christmas. I'll come and look after your house for you

Honestly, do what you feel you would enjoy the most. It would be totally reasonable to spend Christmas day at home and then go and see your family/invite them to visit for New Year. The main thing is how would you feel if you did that? If you would feel guilty or if you'd feel it wouldn't be a 'proper' Christmas without having your extended family around, then there's no point.

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 11:05

You are right findtheriver and i know I am being unreasonable and have to go.

I am so much happier since moving south, I am shocked at how living somewhere can make you so unhappy because it clearly did. Going back there gives me a knot in the stomach feeling.

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 11:07

Combustible I will be unhappy without extended family around so will have to go. But it will not be the same all of us crammed in my mums tiny house with no heating hot water, uncomfy seats in a miserable town.

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aGalChangedHerName · 26/10/2008 11:07

I am doing xmas on my own this year after 15 years of having my db and whatever partner he had at the time and his dc,also my mum and dad.

Feels strange but strangely i am looking forward to it too

edam · 26/10/2008 11:08

I'm in the queue behind Combustible.

Could you compromise and join your relatives at your Mum's on Boxing Day or something? So at least you get Christmas Day in your new house. (Also agree with the post asking have you told your Mum why you feel strongly about this.)

findtheriver · 26/10/2008 11:08

Maybe Christmas with your family back there will lay some of the ghosts to rest if you feel so strongly about the place?

Now that your home is somewhere else, you'll be seeing your old town from a different perspective anyway?

Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 11:08

It is my mum that gets her own way, my sister that lives near me wants to come here. My other sister would prefer to be here but would have to get time off work. I suspect being young she may prefer to be at home as her friends are there.

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Original poster
twinsetandpearls · 26/10/2008 11:10

My mum knows I feel strongly about it but says plans have been made. She also has some close friends that she wants to invite for Christmas. Perhaps it will be less awful knowing that plans have been made.

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