to not want to go back to my hell hole town for Christmas - actually I am being unreasonable but can you understand why?

[twinsetandpearls]

We have just escaped a hell hole town, we have been planning and saving for our escape for years. We now have a lovely house in a lovely part of Dorset with lovely views (see pics on profile I am not lying [smug emoticon]) and I was looking forward to our first Christmas in our new home. So I invite family to stay and they are all staying with my mum in her house in hell hole town. One sister does live in the town but my other sister and grandad live within two hours of me, as opposed to four hours from mum.

The thought of going back to hell hole town makes me feel sick, dp does not want to go but quite rightly says we have to go along with mums plans.

I know I am being unreasonable but can you understand why I am being so.

I used to live in that hell hole town, Twinset, and moved down south 10 years ago cos I felt just like you. 'Twas the best thing I ever did. Used to go back once a year to see family and friends and was always desperate to leave after 48 hours. Haven't been for 2 yrs now- had family down last year and had Xmas on our own (in our lovely new town) the year before. No, you're not unreasonable to not want to go back but only you know if that will cause too much upset with the family.

Had your Mum's plans been communicated to you? If she hadn't told you that plans had been made, I would just tell her that you can't fit in with her plans and that you can't go. If she has invited friends as well as family, I presume that it will be very crowded and that you may have to pay to stay somewhere.

If your dd goes to her Dad next year, just tell your family that you are having Christmas in your new home, as dd is around this year, and that is that. I have never since we got married in 1986 spent Christmas anywhere other than our home. If people want to join us that's fine, but we do not go away for Christmas, full stop.

The January term is always stressy in the run up to getting through the syllabus and GCSEs, and you need a break. You are an RE teacher, not a martyr, and you will be on your knees by Christmas (I always was), which was why I did Christmas at home. Think of yourself for once, not the rest of the world, and stay home and enjoy it.

scary if we have still not sold out house we will be able to stay in our house which my sister is currently living in. Otherwise it may be crowded and I will have an excuse not to go. I doubt it will have sold though .

I will be on my knees at Christmas I am at the end of every half term but I do love a family Christmas, last year when it was just me and dp I found it very sad.

My mum had not told me of her plans so we could get out of going but dd really wants to go, her dad is also up north and if we don;t take her she wont see him.

Shoppingbags I hope I have not offended you but I have a feeling that you feel the same as me. I know it will be depressing going back there and I will be climbing the walls to leave.

Not offended in the least Twinset. Can totally understand how you feel torn between wanting to see your family and not wanting to be in the hell hole town. I always wished I'd left sooner than I did, but am just glad now that I did. Every time I go back it seems rougher and tattier. It feels like there's no hope and even the 'posh' places seem a bit scruffy. Sometimes feel guilty about feeling like that as it was home but I'll never go back.

We also wish we had left years ago and we were in a nice part of town, not posh but nice. I do feel guilty as I was teaching in a school that really needed me and i am now teaching in a school that is much easier. But dd now has an idyylic childhood. Maybe going back will remind me how lucky I am to escape.

Do you have to go back at Christmas though? Can't you go at Easter or May half-term, when at least you don't have to put up with bad weather.

It does make a difference when DD's father is factored in. Is she old enough to travel by train alone?

No she is only 7. Back home is grim whenever the weather tbh. In fact I prefer it in the winter as at least you are not tripping over hen and stag parties and pissed tourists. My mum has more time off over Christmas as does my dp. I know dd wants to see her dad as well and he won't be able to make it here,.