to not want to go back to my hell hole town for Christmas - actually I am being unreasonable but can you understand why?

[twinsetandpearls]

We have just escaped a hell hole town, we have been planning and saving for our escape for years. We now have a lovely house in a lovely part of Dorset with lovely views (see pics on profile I am not lying [smug emoticon]) and I was looking forward to our first Christmas in our new home. So I invite family to stay and they are all staying with my mum in her house in hell hole town. One sister does live in the town but my other sister and grandad live within two hours of me, as opposed to four hours from mum.

The thought of going back to hell hole town makes me feel sick, dp does not want to go but quite rightly says we have to go along with mums plans.

I know I am being unreasonable but can you understand why I am being so.

sorry perhaps it will be less awful knowing we no longer live there,

I'd need very compelling reasons not to spend christmas in my own home these days tbh...

Especially with your lovely home twinset!

Argh, it all sounds so complicated. As nice as extended families are, little nuclear ones are so much easier to organise

I think you're going to have to go. Enjoy the food etc and the family, and then go home and snuggle down for the rest of the holidays

DD wants to go back to hell hole town so she can see her friends. But she would be as happy with a family Christmas here. Dp goes with the flow.

Herbie I know where you are coming from I love Christmas in my own home. Because we live six hours away from mum it is not as easy as popping up for a day or two, travelling for boxing day would be a pain.

I know I have to go and take my pickled pears, Christmas cake, pudding and mincemeat with me.

Ones you have made?

Inside the lazy slattern me, is a perfect 50s housewife fighting to get out. Thankfully mn tends to shut her up. and wine.

I suppose you have to weigh up how much you date your hometown against how much you would hate to be apart from your family at Christmas.

Re your mum's comment that plans have already been made, had she made her plans before you invited everyone? Had she told you her plans before you issued your invitation? It may just be that your mum doesn't want to travel, so, when invited by you, decided to have plans already in place.

We have always spent Christmas day by ourselves since the children were tiny. My older sister has always gone to her ILs and my younger sister, a single parent, has always spent Christmas with my parents. Suddenly this year, both sisters have arranged to be elsewhere leaving mum and dad alone. Of course I invited them here, even though it means deviating from our usual tradition of a small celebration with just me, dh and the 3 dcs. Christmas is about thinking about others as well as doing what we want. I get the impression that you would hate to miss out on all that family, so you will go home. But I would get in very early with next year's invitation, i.e. invite everyone to yours next year when you are all together on Christmas day .

Duh, sorry, how much you hate your hometown, not date it.

I asked this weekend my mum said sorry plans have been made.

I hate my hometown as much as I want to see my family tbh, I feel physically sick at the thought of going, especially as last year i had a huge meltdown over Christmas in that town. But I know I have to go as people will want to see us and I want to see them.

I'm pissed off with your mum

I'd give it another go at persuading your mother- mentioning the grandparent-travel issue etc. and how you have already made plans.

If that you have pickled plums. It's really not fair on you.

LOstprophet yes ones I have made, I had even planned my table settings, bought a new cakestand and table runner.

That. Not if.

pickled pears but lol at how picked fruit is the deal clincher

YABU - but I totally understand how you feel as I am in a similar position. I did ask my mum if she wanted to visit for Christmas (especially as she complained that my brothers just went to hers for Christmas just to get fed and she felt unappreciated) plus it meant for her spending time with her only DGS whose first birthday is just after Christmas.
She then said she would be going on holiday with her db and dsil, which I thought would be a lovely idea for her. But that's been shelved so now we are going down to her, and then I will have to be civil to my 2 brothers who I don't get on with because they are a pair of narrowminded, rascist thugs who don't like DH because he is very politically aware and isn't a narrowminded rascist thug and will put them straight with lots of well researched facts if they start banging on about so-called benefit scroungers and illegal immigrants.
But I do it because I want my son to have a good relationship with his Nanny, the way I did with mine.

Families, eh?

Oh and my mum lives in a hellhole town full of BNP activists...

Any pickled fruit It's obvious that you've been planning and looking forward to it. If you can't make your mother change her mind can you at least bagsy next year now?

I could bagsy next year although I am sure I bagsied this year last year as we had Christmas on our own as one sister was with her dad, the other was working ( she is a nurse) and my mum had christmas with friends.

(and @ the making)

Because my mum is divorced and sometimes dd has christmas with her dad - she did last year - a family christmas where we can all be togther does not happen every year.

Then go back to your mum and say that you had invited everyone last year and, on the basis that you invited everyone first, you have made plans and started preparations. Also speak to your grandad and sister and try to get them onside.

Have not spoken to grandad as it is not fair to get him involved, he is not well. I have spoken to my sisters though and explained why I do not want to go. But I know that my mum has made her mind up and dd wants to go.

YANBU at wanting to spend Christmas in your new home.

Do you feel obliged to spend Christmas with your extended family?

We've mostly lived too far from either side of the family to spend Christmas with them, but when we lived near DH's family (and they could put all of us up), it was clear that it wasn't really right for us. We ummed and ahhhed for a while and finally put on a brave face and called them one September to say that we would be spending Christmas as a family in our own house. There was nothing to be afraid of as MIL and FIL totally agreed. They had been through the same anguish and fear 40 years earlier!

My family aren't Christian and don't have the same kind of Christmas as us, so we prefer to see them in the summer. It's easier on everyone.

You do not have to go along with your mums plans, you are not 5 years old.
Enjoy a lovely quite Christmas in your new home.