To think that having a drug free natural child birth does not mean you are a better/ stronger person or have more guts

[Reallytired]

Every childbirth experience is different. I am glad that there are options of intervention like caeseran section, drugs for pain relief. It would be horrendous to live somewhere like Chad where maternal death in childbirth is extremely common.

news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/wales/4459880.stm

People forget that modern intervention means living mothers and babies.

I hate it when women who have had an easy birth experience belittle those who had complications. There are no prizes for putting up with pain.

I think its sad when women are bullied against a medicalised birth by NCT types. Sometimes its the best decision.

abbeya, i counsel those women, a lot of whom get very tired of being told they should not care about how their baby arrived, as long as he/she was ok

i am struggling to understand why you are so dismissive of this being an important issue

i never held against my child that he arrived by c.section, i punished and held it against myself, not least becasue i was told i s hould b e grateful he was fine and i should be glad i did not have to push him out myself.

birth trauma is real and it happens regardless of mode of delivery to women across the board
and lots of those women do need counselling and specialist help, which surely means that the mode of delivery is really crucial

ofc ourse women have an ideal of how they want their labour to be, i doubt many women write a birth plan requesting 17 hours of labour, epidural that does not work, opiates that make them vomit, episotomy , forceps, retained placenta and PPH

it is not wrong to have an idea of how you would like it to go , and to be disappointed if it goes wrong.

One of my NCT group had a home birth with gas and air and meptid. She said it was an absolutely hideous experience.

We bumped into each other a few days after our babies were born at the drop-in clinic and she looked absolutely haunted.

I had a medicalised and pretty horrible birth, but hers was in NO way easy. I felt awful for her.

No complications doesn't = easy delivery. Definitely not.

Reallytired, I think you need to refresh your memory about your OP, you know, the post in which you complained about how unkind it was for women to belittle other's different birth experiences, then re-read some of your posts (particulary your last to me "get real" - nice) and then take yourself off somewhere, have a little breath and stop taking out whatever your personal trauma is on people on here who happen not to agree with your POV.

You started the thread, don't be too stunned that people who don't agree with you will say so.

I'm holding tight lulu! How are you btw?

Surely in that case then lulumama the OP is right and it doesn't help these women to be told that drug free childbirth means you are a better/stronger person with more guts.

The maths degree analogy was a good one. Anyone who gets one should feel proud of themselves and empowered by it. Whether they had a natural flair or had to work their socks off, whether they did it at 18, free of responsibilities, or waited until they were in their 30's and had to juggle it with a family, doesn't matter and shouldn't take away from their feeling of pride in getting the maths degree.

I have rather lost track about what we are arguing about!

can;t complain, kitty.. though i often do ! are you ok?

abbeya, i have never told a woman anything like that. nor has anyone i know

i am in the NCT and according to the OP i should be a bully and a belittler

i am neither

if the OP has had experience of that then that is those women;s issue, not every member of hte NCT , nor every woman who has had a drug free birth . or a positive birth of any description

Ok thanks lulu, struggling to find and au pair who can cope with my brood.

abbey, I had my worst PND after my second easy vbac. There is no rhyme or reason to pnd.

However, I still felt proud of myself for having pushed my baby out unassisted.

If only there was pain relief to get through the following eighteen years!!

Same here kitty. Second baby, perfect pregnancy, text-book labour, perfect start to bfing, followed by crippling PND.

I have completely lost the thread. OP asked the question on the AIBU thread. I said YANBU.
I no longer know which people are agreeing with her and which are disagreeing!

OrmIrian, yes it just happens that way sometimes and there's nothing you can do is there?

And then you feel shit because you feel shit

Abbey - I think many people agree with the sentiment expressed in the OP - that women will have different types of birth and that no one should be judgemental about others' births.

The problem is - the OP then actually went on to be very judgemental about 'NCT types' (whatever that means?) and in several posts further down the thread proved herself to be one of the most judgemental people on here!!

Which I agree is more than a little confusing.

"I still felt proud of myself for having pushed my baby out unassisted. "

Me too but what a weird thing to be proud of, the strength of your pelvic floor and uterus muscles, PMSL!!

AbbeyA, I think the point at which all agreed that having a drug-free childbirth did not mean you were a better person with more guts was reached quite a while back (actually at the start).
So no point going on about that.
The real 'meat' of this discussion is about allowing people to feel good about something personal without them being branded as 'smug'.

Yes indeed. Because you are supposed to cope, especially when you are a mother to a small baby.

Maybe that is why I am confused! I am only saying that people shouldn't be judgemental about other people's births, but seem to be getting into a lot of trouble for it! I will leave you all in peace.

''PMSL!! ''
(or not, if you've got good pelvic floor muscles )

Pissed myself labouring!!!

PMSL!!!!!!

tonight - why on earth is it weird to be proud of being physically and emotionally strong?? I know the second stage of my first labour was damn hard work physically but also took a lot of emotional strength too.

You hear marathon runners and other athletes say a similar thing - there's the physical component, but the psychological aspect is very important too - getting into the right frame of mind emotionally.

Don't really get why that makes you piss yourself!

Oh lighten up!!!!!!

it is interesting that a lot of judgement has been passed on those who are proud of their birthing experience, to the point that someone said they ought to basically lie about it.. whereas those who have had a difficult time hav e been treated with tact and sensitivity, whereas those who had a psotive experience, are basically, smug bitches.

You seem very het up about this findtheriver, are you sure you're not experiencing some kind of leftover birth trauma?