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Original poster

To not let 8 year old dd go on week long school trip??

87 replies

iliketosleep · 12/10/2008 09:29

She is supposed to be going tomorrow till friday.

I really dont want her to for 2 reasons, 1) she is beginning to get very mouthy with a bad attitude and she pushed me too far on friday so i told her she wasn't going under any circumstances as she didn't deserve it and 2) my lovely little baby nephew passed away just over a week ago and it has made me very possesive over my DC.

I REALLY dont want her to go and fear if she did i would have some sort of breakdown as there is no way of reaching them once they have gone, also most of the kids that went last year got food poisoning and the parents were not informed and there was a big uproar about it.

If she didn't go though I would probably feel guilty as her friends are going.

I'm not sure what to do now!!

OP posts:
Anna8888 · 12/10/2008 14:08

If the children don't actually have their mobiles on them, but the mobiles are looked after by an adult except for one/two specific times a day, none of the things that frasersmummy wrote can actually happen.

Personally I think it is just reactionary old-fashioned to prevent them going off for a week without a mobile. We live in 2008...

wannaBe · 12/10/2008 14:10

8 year olds don't need mobile phones. They don't.

cory · 12/10/2008 14:17

Yes, Ruby, but the problem is that the OP has promised her dd this trip for a long time and is now pulling out the day before she is due to leave, because she (the OP) is feeling vulnerable. This is not to do with the usual family-is-not-a-democary (which I quite agree with), it's about whether the sudden change of tack is likely to be beneficial to the girl. And that we haven't heard a word about the girl's feelings, just about the mother's. Also, that even though the OP now feels it is not about punishment, she has already told her dd that it is about punishment; what guarantee is there that the dd will believe her if she now says something different.

For me, it would take a lot to break a big promise to a child at such short notice, unless I knew that the child secretly wanted me to. Surely, Ruby, if you know that your dd can't cope with more than 2 nights than you wouldn't promise her she could go on a 4 night trip in the first place (and I make Monday-Friday 4 nights, not 7)?

Blandmum · 12/10/2008 14:18

experience of dcs teachers is that if they have mobiles, they will used them at night and tend to become hysterical. they make the problems worse not better. A 'pang' that would go in a few minutes with gentle distraction become worse and worse

cory · 12/10/2008 14:19

The lack of private mobile phones does not mean that the children are not contactable. Surely you can ask the school for a contact number for a responsible teacher?

clam · 12/10/2008 14:21

Anna, I've just come back from a 5-day school trip with 60 ten-year-olds. It was bad enough handing out the pocket-money purses for the shop visit, not to mention all the various medications twice-daily. Can you seriously imagine the added hassle of handing out 60 mobiles each night?

Oh, and out of the 60, only one was homesick. He had oodles of TLC, and perked up very soon and had a fabulous time.

Original poster
iliketosleep · 12/10/2008 14:26

Sorry you are right, I should have mentioned DDs feelings in all of this She does want to go, I havent really said much of anything too her about it since friday when we had our little argument and I said your not going and thats the end of it. She skulked off and has only mentioned this morning about going again. She has only ever stayed away for 1 night and she said she cried

Please dont think I am using her as an emotional crutch as that couldnt be further from the truth, she doesnt know how much this has affected me as I havent let it. I have only cried infront of her once since it happened and that was on the day whilst I was on the phone to my mum. I have made sure that life has carried on as normal and do my grieving when they are in bed. I havent mentioned it too her or barely spoke about it as I dont feel she needs to know. Also I wouldn't tell her my fears if she didn't go, I would think of some 'happy excuse?' and we would spend all week having one to one time which is quite rare with all 4 of them wanting attention at the same time.

Although in all honesty I dont think I would be able to stop her from going

OP posts:
Original poster
iliketosleep · 12/10/2008 14:29

she hasnt been going since friday so not the day before....

OP posts:
clam · 12/10/2008 14:39

On the wider issue of the organisational factors of school trips, I do think that many people under-estimate the logistics. Not just regarding mobiles (and the 'no phoe' rule is there for good reasons, not just the staff being awkward). But also, I would imagine that most schools would discourage parents phoning the staff whilst away to see how their child is getting on. You have to times that by however many kids are on the trip. Maybe in special circumstances, perhaps, but the OP has said that her daughter wants to go and she's been kept largely unaware of the sadness surrounding her cousin's death (so sorry ) . So to phone staff on the trip would really be for her wn benefit, not the child's.
Sorry, but I also think it was perhaps a bit unwise to say she wasn't going when you were obviously cross with her. That's a major decision, and I would think warranted careful consideration in the cold light of day. I can understand that you're obviously not yourself at the moment, though. What does her dad think about it?

cory · 12/10/2008 14:40

Have you got anyone who is there just for you? It is such a sad time for you, and your family no doubt all as upset as you.

Also, it's always a bit of a balance in how much you show your grief. You don't want to overload them but you want to make sure it's ok for them to grieve and that they have a chance to show their feelings. Have you had a chat with her about her baby cousin who died? Remember she is quite old, you can't keep it from her. And if she sees you upset but you are not upfront about why, she may think it's her own bad behaviour again...

The one thing you do of course want to clamp down on is letting her feel that life has suddenly got very dangerous and that she is vulnerable. We all feel this when death strikes somebody young close to us- I feel it watching my friend gradually deteriorating and she's younger than me. The same family lost a young cousin a few years ago. A baby dying is the worst thing we can imagine. But your dd still needs to live her life with courage.

If you can, I think the best thing for her would be if you could let her know that you are really upset, that it is nothing to do with her, maybe have a cry together, but also let you know that seeing her get on with life is the one thing that will make you feel better. This is basically what my dying friend is doing: I am sure that there are days when she is lying through her teeth, but she keeps the circus on the road iyswim and in the long run those children have got to find the courage to carry on despite their loss.

And you need to separate her possibly crying for a while from homesickness (really, not the end of the world, most kids do it once or twice on school trips and then go on to have a whale of a time) with the horrible thing that is you crying for that lost little life. They are not the same thing. Really, they are not.

clam · 12/10/2008 14:40

Oh, and you'd almost certainly forfeit the cost of the trip. Don't know if that's relevant or not.

AbbeyA · 12/10/2008 15:25

If a member of staff has the mobiles I can't see the point of taking them, it is just more hassle for the staff. 8yr olds shouldn't even have a mobile at all IMO.
I am afraid that if I was running a trip, emergency contact would have to come through the leader and any mobile phones would be looked after until they got back. I would make it perfectly clear to the parents. We all used to go on school trips before there were mobiles and we survived!
I think that the trip is paid for, she wants to go and it is tomorrow and so it should go ahead.
I agree with cory that you should get some help for you with your grief, you are connecting the very sad event with the trip and they are entirely separate for your DC.

Twelvelegs · 12/10/2008 15:31

Let her go, it's a school trip not a summer vacation. It may do you and her good to have a little break. I went away at 9 with my school.

Original poster
iliketosleep · 12/10/2008 15:52

she isnt taking a mobile, they aren't allowed

She hasn't got one anyway and she certainly isn't taking mine

OP posts:
Original poster
iliketosleep · 12/10/2008 15:54

this is where they are going here

I'm not sure what its got to do with space (topic of the term).

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 12/10/2008 16:00

It looks the sort of place that you will lose quite a lot of money if she doesn't go-I don't see how you could get a refund.

Original poster
iliketosleep · 12/10/2008 16:44

no it wasnt cheap at £180 per child!!

OP posts:
RubyRioja · 12/10/2008 16:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

cory · 12/10/2008 16:46

Implied in the fact that the school trip is tomorrow, Ruby. If the OP had not signed up and paid for it, her dd would not stand a chance to go on it, so would be no need to discuss.

roisin · 12/10/2008 16:56

I would let her go she'll have a whale of a time. When they get back all the children will be talking about it, doing projects based on it, etc.

When ds1 left primary school and they had their final assembly many of the children gave as their "favourite memory" something that happened on one of the residentials.

You certainly won't get any money back at this late stage.

NorthernLurker · 12/10/2008 16:57

This is about your fears. Your recent bereavement must be a shattering loss. Sometimes though we have to face the fear and go forward anyway. This trip could be a great experience for your dd, one she will remember all her life. Or she could remember - and you will remember too - that you were too frightened to let her go and so she lost out. Face the fear and do it.

DumbledoresGirl · 12/10/2008 18:49

Iliketosleep, earlier you said you know you are being paranoid and overprotective and you are not normally as protective as this.

Listen to yourself!

You know that, but for the tragic circumstances that have affected your family lately, you would not be feeling this way.

Don't let this tragedy spoil your dd's chance of a fantastic trip she will probably remember for the rest of her life. Be brave and let her go.

(I do feel for you in your tragedy but I also feel so much for your poor dd - if she is anything like as excited as my ds2 is, she would find it hard to enjoy her week if she did not go).

clam · 13/10/2008 10:13

Well? Did she go or not?

VictorianSqualorSquelchNSquirm · 13/10/2008 10:27

My DD came back from 5days away on friday.
She loved it. She will be 8 in November. Not one child cried in the night and there were no problems.

Original poster
iliketosleep · 13/10/2008 18:07

Yes she went, and I wish she hadn't!

The 2 kids who bully her have also gone so now i Feel like shite. Its doubtful she will have fun as these 2 kids are nasty little bastards. Great!

If I knew they were going there wouldnt have been a cat in hells chance of her going! They were moved class because of it so why the hell would the school send them away for 5 days together? I am so pissed off its unbelievable and also worried. That place has ALOT of stairs

OP posts:
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