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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to castrate my ex boyfriend?

21 replies

tessofthedurbervilles · 07/10/2008 12:35

At 7 weeks pregnant and facing a tough time he has told me we aren't going to be together anymore regardless of my decision.

At least he is being honest, if not a little bit tactless...

OP posts:

hecAteTheirBrains · 07/10/2008 12:59

Well, at least you know.

Tactless is an understatement!

congratulations for you though.

What matters now is that he understands that he can choose to not be with you, but he has responsibilities - financial and emotional and practical - with regard to his baby, and that he cannot walk away from being a father.

petitmaman · 07/10/2008 13:08

YANBU however, at least he is being honest. a friend of mine was in your pregnant and not sure. dp was very excited and all for it so she went for it and walked out out on her at 39 weeks. at least you know where you stand.

KerryMumchingOnEyeballs · 07/10/2008 13:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

tessofthedurbervilles · 07/10/2008 13:11

Its almost funny.....he said 'I've said sorry to you for getting you pregnant but I haven't once heard you say sorry to me'

My baby will have the best grandparents, aunts and uncles....and between Grandpa and its two uncles it will have no shortage of decent male role models who behave like adults xx

OP posts:

StewieGriffinsMom · 07/10/2008 13:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

choosyfloosy · 07/10/2008 13:15

Tess tbh although I agree it's tactless I can see what he means about saying sorry... it sounds as if this was not a situation that either of you would have chosen at this time, so as it takes two to tango, i don't think an apology is out of order. but dh and i are both big apologisers, we both feel we can move on once the S word has been said. Try it, see how he reacts.

sitdownpleasegeorge · 07/10/2008 13:24

Please clarify with him that he doesn't think he is absolving himself from any financial responsibilities by saying "sorry" and no longer being "together" with you.

How old are you both and were you trying for a baby or is it a happy accident ?

lulabellarama · 07/10/2008 13:28

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

tessofthedurbervilles · 07/10/2008 13:37

He is 30 and I am 32, it was an accident and both our faults so he can't throw that at me...
I think he is trying everything to make me terminate, we've had tears and tantrums (all his) and I am apparently not supporting him.
I find it hard to believe I slept with this man but my baby will be the positive out of this xx

OP posts:

lulabellarama · 07/10/2008 13:42

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster

tessofthedurbervilles · 07/10/2008 13:50

Yes thats what got me in to this mess. I have been offered a new job today (I work for him just to complicate things) so will disappear and wait for him to remerge as father of the year demanding his rights (which he will)
You might all see him dressed as batman on the tower of london shouting his head off...

OP posts:

lulabellarama · 07/10/2008 13:55

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

mummy5bellies · 07/10/2008 13:57

Congratulaions, Tess, and try not to get too stressed so early on in your pregnancy. You sound v. level-headed and have a fantastic amount of support from your family x

Oh by the way, YANBU to want to castrate him. Should be quite easy with his head in the sand and his arse in the air, eh?

pamelat · 07/10/2008 14:03

Congratulations.

He is an idiot. Am just sorry that he is linked to your life forever now.

kitsmummy · 07/10/2008 14:11

Congratulations. I've been in your position before and your baby will be the best thing that's ever happened to you.

Original poster

tessofthedurbervilles · 07/10/2008 14:15

I have to move my stuff out of his house tonight and I am very very tempted to do a massive hormone filled wee wee in his airing cupboard

OP posts:

mummy5bellies · 07/10/2008 14:26

brilliant

do it

SpandexIsMyEnemy · 07/10/2008 14:30

congratulations - and not that I should encourage it but well a friend of mine cleaned the loo with her H's toothbrush when they were having a bad patch & he moved out (he's since come back thou!) but anyhow.

feel free to come and rant with us on the LP section - you're in good company there.

Original poster

tessofthedurbervilles · 09/10/2008 12:37

He has just come in to the office and demanded the £100 quid I borrowed from him back. I had only borrowed it as couldn't get to a cash point and had totally forgot about it.....it was like it was the most important thing in the world to him.
I then got a lecture on the abortion pill being just like the morning after pill so why don't I just go and take it.
Nice man......:-(

OP posts:

notsoseriousanymore · 09/10/2008 12:44

Tess,

Sorry if this sounds very cold, but document as much as you can now. Get him to put into writing as much as possible.

If he demands money back, get him to sign a reciept.

If you intend to keep the baby, then just focus 100% on the future. Nothing else.

Remember that he is financially responsible for the baby but that doesn't automatically entitled him to see a child he wished dead (I'm sorry if that sounds a little OTT, I don't mean it to, as I am very pro choice) but it's worth documenting everything.

And, for what it's worth, the abortion pill is NOTHING like the morning after pill - emotionally you KNOW it's different. You KNOW that there is a tiny little baby in there fighting for survival.

ONLY consider that option if it is 100% what YOU want. It is your body and your child.

PersephoneSnape · 09/10/2008 13:01

how long have you worked for him? is it a large company? are their witnesses to his behaviour?

If it's your decision to leave, You might have a case for constructive dismissal. You might be due compensation for being asked to leave or sacked because of your pregnancy. If he wants to play the big bastard, let it be known that you have bottomless levels of reciprocation - whether you actually go through with any threats is neither here nor there, but don'tr let him set the agenda now, because he will try to continue to do so for a very long time.

how awful - losing your job and house in one fell swoop -do keep yourself well, rested and as stress free as possible

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