Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

14 weeks pregnant and husband won't learn to drive

99 replies

Cookiemg · 07/10/2008 07:45

I have known my husband for 2.5 years and from the start he said that he had no desire to learn to drive. Back then his reasons were that he got road rage on a bike so what would he now be like in a car. I am 14 weeks pregnant and although I can drive I am envisioning many situations where it is going to be really useful if he could too.I asked him again if he would learn and he said that it is becoming increasingly obvious that he will have to.
I have set myself up here, I am now depending on him learning and when he doesn't, which I know he will side step I am going to become really hurt.

What should I do so that this is not a huge thing between us and that I don't feel that he is doing this to spite me.

Xxxx

OP posts:

beanlet · 11/08/2010 06:37

Neither of us drive, and it's not a problem at all (and we don't live in London!). Plus it's massively cheaper not to run a car -- in fact, we have calculated that we could pretty much take taxis everywhere and still come out of it quids in.

YABU to suggest you both need to drive, and to keep pestering your DH to learn when he doesn't want to for well expressed reasons.

WidowWadman · 11/08/2010 06:41

My husband wanted to learn to drive before I give birth, the daughter is now 19 months old and he still hasn't.

To be fair, he first lost his wallet containing his permit, then one of his contact lenses (they're special ones for which he needs to see a specialist to get a replacement), which delayed it, then when I was on maternity leave we were to skint, and now he still hasn't got round to sorting it out.

Sometimes it drives me spare, but I stopped nagging, it won't achieve anything. Also, I'm probably the worst passenger in the world, so part of me is glad to keep control behind the wheel.

LC200 · 11/08/2010 07:07

I am learning to drive at the moment (LONG PROCESS), I came up with "reasons" for not learning, like your dp, but actually the reason was I am absolutely TERRIFIED of being in control of a tonne of metal travelling at 70mph with my precious children inside.

DH and I are going to a wedding on Sat and I am already worried as I know he is going to make me drive there, the thought of it makes me feel ill.

One thing that has REALLY helped me, is that we have changed our car for an automatic. I find driving so much less stressful now than I did (before I would have to pull over to hold off a panic attack - now sometimes I vaguely enjoy driving).

It must be really frustrating. Not really sure what the answer is!

3Trees · 11/08/2010 07:50

It's not weorth it, if he is anxious, and if he is not wanting to leanr, then he won't learn well, adn he wn't be a great driver.

My DP doesn't drive, I learnt after ds was born, I was OK with lessons, but once I passed my test I HATED driving, was REALLY anxious about it, and ebded up having an accident, which was quite bnasty and has totally put me off driving for LIFE. I thought it would help us as a family, but it REALLY didn't

We do just fine with buses and trains etc.

I certainly would not push someone into something as potentially lethal as driving if theyw ere not comfortable with it.

3Trees · 11/08/2010 07:51

and yep, with the savings from NOT owning and running a car, we really can get a cab anywhere we can't get to by train etc.

Goblinchild · 11/08/2010 07:53

Well, as this is an old thread that's been bumped I'd like to know the end of the story.
So what happened OP?

Firawla · 11/08/2010 07:57

we have 2 dc and dh still didnt learn to drive (i dont drive either) its not the end of the world, can easily be managed

Clothilde · 11/08/2010 08:47

We have two children and neither of us drive - it's not a big deal at all.

Your husband hasalways made it clear that he didn't want to learn to drive. He might change his mind, but I don't think that there is any way that you can reasonably consider his behaviour as being to "spite" you if all he does is carry on being the person he was when you married him.

By all means talk it through and he might decide that he would be better off learning to drive, but if you insist on it as some test of love or good fatherhood, then I think that YABVU.

hairytriangle · 11/08/2010 08:50

Yabu.

coraltoes · 11/08/2010 08:51

typical MN husband has road rage? Oh well whats he going to be like with the kids?!
Amazed nobody has called for the poor OP to ditch him.

OP- be supportive, explain why it would be so helpful, and book him some lessons so he can "decide if it is for him", that way he can turn it into his own idea...?
Good Luck!

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 11/08/2010 08:52

THIS THREAD IS TWO YEARS OLD, PEOPLE

NestaFiesta · 11/08/2010 08:58

He may be using the anger thing as an excuse to conceal male pride. if he is anything like me he is terrified. My DH drives and as soon as we met he bought me endless lessons. Four years on, two failed tests, and thousands of pounds worth of lessons later, we have let it go. I might go back to it one day, but I think I need therapy to do so.

Lots of people manage without any drivers in the family and as other posters have rightly pointed out, public transport can be cheaper than running a car.

Anyway- you are 14 weeks pregnant and driving lessons cost £20 an hour,most drivers need on average around 40 lessons, tests cost around £50 and then there's insurance etc. Keep the cash for the baby and get cabs.

People have a right to choose not to drive if they feel they may be a major risk to others. Your DH I'm sure has other roles and qualities that make him no less valuable.

tortoiseonthehalfshell · 11/08/2010 09:00

elmofan · 11/08/2010 09:22

lol tortoise

This baby toddler is most likely running around causing chaos by now so I'm sure the op has more to worry about other than weather or not her dh can drive .

beanlet · 11/08/2010 09:38

Maybe the toddler has learned to drive so DH does't have to

Seriously, my first driving experiences was aged 9 on the farm when one of our horses had escaped, and when we foud her Dad said "take the wheel beanlet" and hopped out of the car to catch her

Heracles · 11/08/2010 10:16

There are more than enough god-awful drivers on the road; please don't add someone who doesn't even want to drive!

mayorquimby · 11/08/2010 10:32

Why do people resurrect ancient threads?

dinosaur · 11/08/2010 10:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

ChippingIn · 11/08/2010 11:03

Occludo again

This is the third OLD thread it's dragged up this morning (that I've seen, there are probably more).

NestaFiesta · 11/08/2010 11:49

tortoise- my post crossed with yours and I didn't see it. Why has it been revived? is it topical again? perhaps OP is 14 weeks pregnant AGAIna nd DC1 is at nursery!

FindingMyMojo · 11/08/2010 11:50

If he doesn't drive he can never be the designated driver. Think of all the social events you will be attending as a family over the next XX years - you will never be able to relax & have a drink. He will never have to drive so is relieved of such responsibility.

I'd suggest either he learns to drive, or face up to the fact that when it's your turn to relax & have a social drink he will have to pay for a taxi home!

If you don't want all the driving responsibility, maybe don't get a car - get by without one. When he sees what a hassle it is, & how much easier life would be with a car he might have a change of heart?

Good luck with this

FindingMyMojo · 11/08/2010 11:53

ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

ChippingIn · 11/08/2010 11:59

LOL

Yes literally for all you pedants out there.

NestaFiesta · 11/08/2010 14:08

Well old thread or not, as a non driver I'm still quite interested in the subject matter and other people's views on it. You can stop shouting in capitals and banging heads against walls now. Some of us weren't here two years ago and I don't always look at the dates of posts.

Flip

1 2 3 4