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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think at least a cup of tea should be provided if I travel 40 miles to a baptism?

56 replies

Flibbertyjibbet · 05/10/2008 23:31

AIBU to think that if you have a baptism followed by the childs birthday party (instead of traditional feeding of the baptism guests), then you should at least provide some refreshments for the adults and not expect them to pay for their own cup of tea/lunch at the soft play birthday party where only the children are catered for.

We will be leaving home at 10am and the earliest we will get home is 4pm. We have paid for baptism card and present, birthday card and present, and dp got a new shirt which he wouldn't have done otherwise. Oh and petrol. And now we have to pay for anything we want to eat or drink at the 'party' after.

Grrrrr

OP posts:
sallystrawberry · 05/10/2008 23:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JacobsPrincessOfDarkness · 05/10/2008 23:33

I think that is quite unreasonable. I wouldn't dream of hosting a baptism or birthday party without catering for adults guests too.

Original poster
Flibbertyjibbet · 05/10/2008 23:36

Can't tell em we are ill, its sils dd and dp is godfather.

Hence the new shirt cos he is quite scruffy but scrubs up well

I wouldn't even dream of hosting just a 2 hour birthday party at a soft play without providing snacks and drinks for the adults!

Oh and i hear that adults invited to the church but who don't have children invited to the party after will be just expected to turn up for the service then go home!

OP posts:
cornsilk · 05/10/2008 23:47

How rude!

anyfucker · 05/10/2008 23:50

very rude indee, you ANBU

RedOnHerBeheadedHead · 05/10/2008 23:51

not the way i'd do things, tbh.
a couple of sandwiches at the very least!

nametaken · 05/10/2008 23:56

how do you know that they won't buy you a cup of tea, have they told you.

pinkyp · 06/10/2008 00:06

they might of just told everyone but might pay for urs so you dont go round telling other guests "my food/drink is free" so other friends expect theres to be paid for too?
My friend had hers at a pub- i didnt expect her to buy the drinks but she did put ona big buffet!

LyraSeveredtongue · 06/10/2008 00:09

I was about to ask the same as nametaken. How do you know there will be nothing for adults?

twentypence · 06/10/2008 00:44

How do you know - have they explicitly said that you have to buy your own cup of tea?

I wouldn't mind buying my own cuppa, but then I don't take gifts either. They get something when they are born and then those whose parents don't do baptisms don't miss out.

Original poster
Flibbertyjibbet · 06/10/2008 09:15

Yes, we know that she isn't putting anything on for the adults because mil has brought the subject up with her. IL's have a 2.5 hour drive each way so they asked if it will be a good spread or should they bring sandwiches - SIL told them not to embarrass her by bringing sandwiches to the party and said that everyone can just 'get what they want' at the soft play, mil said 'oh lovely are you putting a tab on at the till'. Sil was apparently stunned that anyone could think that she should provide for the adults of the invitees to her childs birthday party.

Er, who also happen to be the guests at the childs baptism.

She is completely missing the point that we are all going to time and trouble for the baptism and will all be out of our homes most of the day.

She told mil that she was 'tight' to moan about having to spend a couple of quid on a sarnie and drink

OP posts:
Lauriefairycake · 06/10/2008 09:39

if you're skint then take a lovely packed lunch and eat it in the car at soft play.

If not skint then I do think it's a bit tight to not spend a couple of quid on a sarnie and a drink. It's not the way I'd do it - is she skint?

Original poster
Flibbertyjibbet · 06/10/2008 09:52

Weeeeeeel, she always crying poverty but thats usually to get her mother to fork out for something for her. They always have plenty money for going out, holidays, designer clothes for the children, but something like this and it will be 'we can't afford to put on a buffet for everyone AND have dds birthday party'... her dd is having a baptism outfit and then being changed into another new outfit for her birthday party....

(Am just working out how I can take a flask of tea without it being all stewed by the time we get there

I think the sarnies on the car park is a good idea. We will get to the carpark first then everyone else arriving will see us eating butties (ee by gum). Then they'll have to ask why won't they? We have very good reason for crying poverty at the moment as we are on the tightest budget ever until at least January. But I don't go on about it and if I couldn't prioritise money to take care of my guests, I wouldn't invite them to an event, or I'd postpone it till i can do it properly.

Thanks for your replies, sometimes with inlaw stuff I loose track of whether ibu or they are just barmy.

OP posts:
WendyWeber · 06/10/2008 10:00

Is SIL DP's sister or DP's SIL? I mean is your MIL her mother or her MIL? (Just need to get the relationships straight )

Anyway YANBU at all - SIL lives on a different planet!

"don't embarrass me by bringing sandwiches"???? Agree you should embarrass her as much as possible - maybe get a little folding table with a checked cloth, put sarnies, sausage rools & fairy cakes on plates with doilies & explain that you're having your own baptism buffet

WendyWeber · 06/10/2008 10:02

Oh, for the tea, take boiling water in a flask & some teabags - it will be a bit weak then, but not stewed

(And china cups & saucers of course)

Blondeshavemorefun · 06/10/2008 10:45

seems a bit weird not to cater food/drinks for adults

that what you do at parties

have been to a byo drink party, but never byo food party

QuintSeance · 06/10/2008 10:49

In that case I WOULD bring a packed lunch and eat it at the soft play.

Every time I have done a softplay birthday party, I have had a tab for softdrinks for the grown ups, and provided trays of sandwiches, and cake for the adults. It would be embarassing NOT to do that.

fircone · 06/10/2008 10:56

why not just send your dp?

It sounds the sort of do that you would benefit hugely from missing.

jammi · 06/10/2008 11:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

SixSpotBurnet · 06/10/2008 11:01

I've been to several birthday parties at soft play venues and never come across separate catering for the adults, but have often been stood a cup of coffee by the parents of the birthday boy or girl.

OrmIrian · 06/10/2008 11:02

YANBU.

JuneBugJen · 06/10/2008 11:04

If it was at a soft play area like Playspace in Bristol, it has a fantastic cafe there so it would be no hassle for parents to get coffee there.

It all sounds a bit but if it for a Baptism then you need to be godly about it!

Original poster
Flibbertyjibbet · 06/10/2008 11:31

Six Pot Burner, this soft play party is straight after the baptism at the church. Some adults are only invited to the church, some are having to go to the soft play as their children have been invited for the baptism childs birthday party straight after.
Most people have a childs party that you come for 2 hours and may or may not provide something for the parents (I do but don't moan if others don't).
Or you have a baptism and put anything from nibbles - hot drinks - buffet etc etc on for the adults who have gone to the time and trouble and expense to attend.
The baptism invitations stated 'x church 11am then on to xyz soft play area after' so at first we made the assumption that we would all be fed and watered while the kiddies could play. What a good idea I thought.
Then a couple of weeks later we got a separate invitation addressed to our ds's, just for the party after. Thats when mil asked about the food and sil was surprised at being asked to provide food for adults at her daughters birthday party and seems to be unable to make the connection between inviting people to a baptism and them expecting some nibbles at the 'party' after.

I could dig out our picnic basket and if its sunny get mil to join us in the churchyard . Spread that check tablecloth on a gravestone!

I have my passive aggressive revenge though. Its a baptism for school purposes (neither of the parents or any of the godparents are catholic!! Clothes and toys are the gifts suggested by sil for both baptism and birthday. So I have bought some lovely rosary beads for the child They know I am Catholic and went to convent school so won't dare question my choice of gift [revenge emoticon]

Besides, if bils sons baptism (also for school purposes) last year is anything to go by, there's only me who will know any of the hymns so them all mumbling along makes me sound like Cathryn Jenkins.

OP posts:
Spidermama · 06/10/2008 11:34

I think it's fine. Your child gets to go to a party after all and will get fed. It's not hard for you to look after yourself.

In fact I always make sure I buy the party host a cup of tea as she has so much to do and organise.

rebelmum1 · 06/10/2008 11:43

I wouldn't go to be honest, they shouldn't have such a big party if they don't want to cater for everyone. Alternatively you could take a flask..