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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think at least a cup of tea should be provided if I travel 40 miles to a baptism?

56 replies

Flibbertyjibbet · 05/10/2008 23:31

AIBU to think that if you have a baptism followed by the childs birthday party (instead of traditional feeding of the baptism guests), then you should at least provide some refreshments for the adults and not expect them to pay for their own cup of tea/lunch at the soft play birthday party where only the children are catered for.

We will be leaving home at 10am and the earliest we will get home is 4pm. We have paid for baptism card and present, birthday card and present, and dp got a new shirt which he wouldn't have done otherwise. Oh and petrol. And now we have to pay for anything we want to eat or drink at the 'party' after.

Grrrrr

OP posts:

rebelmum1 · 06/10/2008 11:44

Mind you most kids parties don't really seen to cater for the adults I find that quite strange, I couldn't imaging dragging people out with their kids and not giving them refreshment too.

twentypence · 07/10/2008 00:50

Everytime we have been to the rock climbing centre for a birthday (the 6 year old boy equivalent of soft play) the parents have asked us if we want a tea or coffee. I always just go and buy my own - but it is usual to offer IME.

nametaken · 07/10/2008 10:45

Perhaps your SIL has got the hump with you all. Maybe before she had a chance to do anything or think about it, her MIL and SIL riled her by saying

"right, what are you gonna feed us when we come".

Hmmmmm

Just buy your own food.

For what it's worth, it's pretty humiliating for her not to feed people attending a party. Maybe she feels bad about it.

Is it you and your mum versus your brothers wife?

Lots of catholic schools only accept pupils who were baptised as babies.

nametaken · 07/10/2008 10:50

Oh I see the relationship now, it's you, your boyfriends mum (MIL?) and your (SIL?)

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 07/10/2008 10:55

Why's a 40 mile drive going to take 2.5 hours each way?

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 07/10/2008 10:57

I personally wouldn't be fussed - I'd just buy some chips at the soft play place.

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 07/10/2008 10:58

oh just read its the IL's who have a long journey.

ForeverOptimistic · 07/10/2008 11:03

I wouldn't expect them to cater for adults at a child's birthday party. I would expect adults to be catered for after a christening though. If I were your MIL I would leave straight after the christening, soft play places are not exactly much fun for adults. It all sounds a bit naff anyway.

bamboostalks · 07/10/2008 11:09

How are they able to baptise the child a Catholic when neither parent is a Catholic?

Salleroo · 07/10/2008 11:10

YANBU. Love the rosary beads present. As they are so keen to baptise a little catholic to suit their schooling needs then this line of revenge could go on for years.

How about a nice church calendar for Christmas, a prayer book next b'day, a bible, replacement rosary beads regularly, a nice candle with a picture of the holy family. A picture of the sacred heart with eternal flame for her 18!!!

You could fill SILs house with religous tat over the coming years and all because she was too tight to give the adults a cup of tea and a sambo!

Salleroo · 07/10/2008 11:11

PS This baptising your child as a Catholic and that being the end of it - not attending mass or bringing them up 'in the faith' so to speak, just to get them into a good school really gets my goat.

Cappuccino · 07/10/2008 11:14

oh for crap's sake

all this fuss over a cup of tea

'dp got a new shirt' well this was hardly their fault was it

Original poster

Flibbertyjibbet · 07/10/2008 20:32

Bamboostalks, last time I saw sil a few weeks ago (when we got the invitation and I didn't bring up the subject of food, because we assumed the 'after place' stated on the invite was where we'd have the traditional post baptism feeding and watering of guests...!!), I asked quite innocently if her dp is catholic.

No.

I said how come the priest is accepting the child into the catholic church then (I thought they'd have had to have some lessons or something to bring the child up in the faith). her reply-

'Oh they'll have anyone these days'

I mean, the christening is 5 days before the closing date for her to apply to the catholic school for her daughter's 09 admission....

To all those posters who read the thread and realised that I was objecting to having to stay on after a baptism for a party where only the children would be catered for, and who all seem to have said 'yanbu' - I thank you!! I don't often do an aibu in case I get shot down in yabus.

To the other posters who seem to think I'm objecting to buying myself a cup of tea at just a childs party that my children have been invited to - thankyou for your comments but you haven't understood the question.

OP posts:

itgetseasier · 07/10/2008 20:37

YABU. I understand that it is unconventional to do the kid's party after the baptism (without a spread) BUT I would never feed the adults at a venue for a kids party - far to expensive. I have only been to a couple of kid's parties that were not at people's house that catered for adults too.

Original poster

Flibbertyjibbet · 07/10/2008 20:44

Yes thats a good way of putting it. Unconventional.
When I do a kids party I do tell all the mums to get a cup of tea/coffee at my expense if they want to.

I am resigned to the fact that it will probably be monsoon weather on the day so sadly must abandon all wicked ideas for a picnic in the churchyard

I can see myself now trying to choose some 'food' from the revolting snack options on offer iirc from last year...

And am practising saintly 'oh I just knew you'd love it' simper as she opens the rosary beads. Although, I've just realised they won't have a clue what they are and will probably be in the childs dressing up box this time next week.

OP posts:

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 07/10/2008 21:55

Why do you have to stay on at the party afterwards though? Are your kids invited to the party?

Original poster

Flibbertyjibbet · 07/10/2008 22:06

C'mon jimjams, try and keep up now!

Earlier post:
The baptism invitations stated 'x church 11am then on to xyz soft play area after' so at first we made the assumption that we would all be fed and watered while the kiddies could play. What a good idea I thought.
Then a couple of weeks later we got a separate invitation addressed to our ds's, just for the party after.

I would dearly love to leave dp at the party and slope off to my friends after the church - but its not worth the aggro the ils will give dp.

OP posts:

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 07/10/2008 22:10

Oh well if your children have been invited then I'm failing to see the problem. Would be a bit odd standing there with loads of kids and no child, but I presume your kids will enjoy it.

. So again I go back to my 'would buy a portion of chips' solution.

loobeylou · 07/10/2008 22:27

probably putting ALL the adults on their food bill is too expensive, especially in these dire financial times, but agree, a cuppa does not seem too much to ask

if i were you I would eat picnic en route from church to party

Original poster

Flibbertyjibbet · 07/10/2008 22:28

Jimjams, its not a 'problem'... its just cheeky and inconsiderate imo not to feed and water the adult guests who have come to your child's baptism and who are expected to hang around for several hours after.

Most people who have a child baptised, invite guests along somewhere after and provide some food and drink for the baptism guests.

My sil is having a child baptised then straight after she is holding the childs birthday party. Adults invited to only the church will just go home. Adults who have children who are invited to the birthday party have to hang around for several hours and pay for their own food and drink because (as sil told her mother my mil) that is quite normal at a childs birthday party.

OP posts:

Original poster

Flibbertyjibbet · 07/10/2008 22:30

Perhaps we should take dps fishing shelter and set it up in the churchyard for the picnic if the weather is inclement

OP posts:

jimjamshaslefttheyurt · 07/10/2008 22:41

Perhaps they just can't afford it.

My cousin had her children christened recently, couldn't afford to feed anyone so didn't invite anyone except her immediate family.

I think it is fairly normal at a soft play for parents who stay to buy their own coffee. I certainly do, although I pick food of my child's plate.....

CarGirl · 07/10/2008 22:54

It is so clearly your SIL being tight, I'm sure FJ wouldn't think anything of it if her dc were just invited to the party. Fine have an early or late lunch to accommodate the dc at a party and not being fed.

However the family are invited to do, they will have to leave home at 10ish and not get back until 4ish and at no point will her or her dh being given even a cup of tea or coffee I do think that is entirely unreasonable of the host.

CarGirl · 07/10/2008 22:56

Nor have they the option of going elsewhere to buy a lunch they want to eat.

Personally I would slope of whilst the dc are at soft play to the nearest pub to "find something edible", you don't mind do you, youve got plenty of helpers

saffiw · 07/10/2008 23:23

So there is to be no 'tea' after the Baptism, just come and watch the baptism and f*k of back to your own home.
Then later in the day, the child is also having a birthday party. hmm, I see where your sil is coming from, she is not connecting the birthday party with the Baptism at all, in her head they are completly seperate.
Oh well, some people are like that.
Strange you should have this dilema, dd is to be confirmed on her birthday (she will be 14), and I was wondering whether to do two seperate do's!

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