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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not let my DF hold my DD when he has had a drink?

17 replies

Mylittlebubble · 05/10/2008 22:24

I'm really not sure if I am being a little PFB or reasonable? My Dad likes a drink, in fact every time I see him, he doesn't live near me, we end up in the pub or goes on his own if we don't want to go. I think he has a problem but he says he doesn't as it is only a few pints and helps him unwind!

Anyway he came round the other day with his wife after a drink and DD was still up. He went to hold DD and said 'no' has he had had a drink. I then had an arguement with his wife as she thinks I am being silly as he was not 'drunk' and we were all around anyway. She also pointed out that she had had a drink so was she not allowed to hold my DD! and that I would have a problem at Xmas if anyone who had had a drink couldn't hold her!

My response is that if I think some one has had too much then I ANBU and if people decide to drink like that then that is their chioce not to hold DD.

Hope I make sense

OP posts:
alicet · 05/10/2008 22:29

Depends if he was drunk or had just had a drink.

If he has just had one or 2 drinks then I think YABU.

If he is clearly intoxicated then no YA clearly NBU.

She is your baby however and what you say goes but if it's only that he has had a couple of drinks then I think you probably need to relax a bit - I mean this in the nicest possible way!

wannaBe · 05/10/2008 22:32

if he's only had a couple of drinks then yabu.

What are you going to do? Never hold your dd if you've been drinking? or have you given up drink altogether?

Sazisi · 05/10/2008 22:33

Agree with alicet.

Was he drunk or had he just had a few drinks?

Original poster
Mylittlebubble · 05/10/2008 22:33

I think I might have a bee in my bonnet because I think he drinks too much too often!!

OP posts:
Flum · 05/10/2008 22:37

I think you are probably being a bit unreasonable. Surely you would still pick your baby up at night if you had a bottle of wine with dinner?

Dropdeadfred · 05/10/2008 22:39

most people with a baby to care for wouldn't drink a bottle of wine with dinner surely???

I do ot think you are unreasonable - better safe than sorry and what on earth has it got to do with your dad's wife?

trumpetgirl · 05/10/2008 22:41

Mylittlebubble - I know exactly what you mean, my dad's an alcoholic and I used to whince every time he came near dd (even if he claimed to be sober.) I was too scared to say anything to him, and feel really bad about it in hindsight.
I think you done good

TheHedgeWitch · 05/10/2008 22:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dropdeadfred · 05/10/2008 22:53

It's your baby - your choice

mytetherisending · 05/10/2008 23:09

bit pfb if its only a couple of pints imo.
Not unreasonable if he is drunk.

mytetherisending · 05/10/2008 23:10

Hell, what happens if you get her christened or named? No guest could hold the LO?

Sazisi · 05/10/2008 23:16

Ah; you are being unreasonable in that case. You are using your dd to punish him because you disapprove of his drinking habits. Do you think that's really fair on him or dd?

Sazisi · 05/10/2008 23:17

Sorry if I sound harsh, I don't mean to

Original poster
Mylittlebubble · 05/10/2008 23:49

Sazis you have a fair point! Think I just need to take each situation as it araises.

My Dad thinks he can handle is drink still but his idea of drunk and my idea are very different.

Just out of interest how would you handle if you did think someone was too intoxicated to hold your LO and they did not? How do you avoid conflict?

OP posts:
nametaken · 05/10/2008 23:57

YANBU - I know from bitter experience - people who have been drinking should not hold babies.

Sazisi · 06/10/2008 12:53

Sorry mylittlebubble, just seen your last post; I think you're right to take every situation as it arises.
If someone was a leetle bit drunk, but I care about their feelings and don't want to offend, I suppose I would just make sure they are sitting down safely on the sofa, then let them have a hold. Then sit down beside them and watch like a hawk
If they were hammered though, I'd make excuses and take lo off into another room (needs changing/sleep/bath etc). If they still pushed it, I would just have to be blunt and say "No, you're too drunk".

On a more positive note, I think it's nice that your dad clearly adores your DD

shootfromthehip · 06/10/2008 13:09

YANBU- I think that the excuse of changing/ feeding is the least hurtful way to do it. My DF was an alcoholic and was not allowed to have my LO's if he had been drinking. At all. If there is an alcohol problem then 1 or 2 could just be topping up a previous session. Why risk it? Stick to your guns but it is probably worth talking to him and the SM to explain your concerns. They may be offended but it may nip something in the bud that could become more serious. Give it a shot

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