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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not do a separate kids tea in this situation....

19 replies

Thankyouandgoodnight · 05/10/2008 21:45

I may be meeting up with a local friend of mine and her LO tomorrow afternoon. Nothing concrete arranged but due to the time of day, it would be normal of me to ask if her LO wanted to join mine for dinner (particularly if we end up meeting at mine anyway). Her little one is outrageously fussy when it comes to eating and I've already got dinner sorted for tomorrow (fish thawing in the fridge as we speak etc) and I suspect her LO wouldn't eat what I'm cooking BUT I don't want to have to cook 2 meals, SO is it ok to say this is what's for dinner join if you want to... What do i do if my friend says that she doesn't think her LO would eat it (politely of course)? Would I be unreasonable to say 'oh well perhaps another time....??

OP posts:

emkana · 05/10/2008 21:46

Can't the child just have toast or some such

SharkyandGeorge · 05/10/2008 21:47

Sounds fine to me, tell them what you are having and welcome to join etc. Surely if her DD is fussy she can bring something of her own for her to save hassle for everyone.

Hulababy · 05/10/2008 21:47

Do you have any alternative available such as a sandwich or toast and jam?

I wouldn't cook a full seperate meal but would hope the child was able to eat some part f the meal even if just potatoes/rive and veg. Ad would offer some bread as an alternative, and some fruit for afterwards.

CherryChapstick · 05/10/2008 21:47

...or tell her "This is what I'm doing for us. Will X have some, or do you want to bring something with you?"

Saturn74 · 05/10/2008 21:49

I'd make something that I knew all the children would like.
You and friend could eat the fish.

Original poster

Thankyouandgoodnight · 05/10/2008 21:51

I'm not inviting her to tea as such but it may turn out to be a last minute invite. I could offer toast but that's not really sufficient for an evening meal. I know her LO east cheesy pasta (and that's about all) but I REALLY don't want to be cooking 2 meals particularly as I have a young baby who always seems to need a feed at the same time and I end up feeling like Edwards scissor hands doing a trillion things at once .

OP posts:

MingMingtheWonderPet · 05/10/2008 21:51

My LO is outrageously fussy and I would not expect anyone to make exceptions for her. I would be fine with it if you said 'We've got xxxx for tea', and then if DD didn't eat it I would prob find it easier to go home anyway. Not much fun having a child that won't eat at the dinner table.
We try not to make exceptions for DD at home either, but of course we do to a certain extent. DS, by contrast, will eat anything!

Original poster

Thankyouandgoodnight · 05/10/2008 21:52

The dinner I'm doing for DD is basically what DH and I are having later, so most of it will be cooked in advance of DD's dinner to nsave me time later. I'm not inviting my friend for dinner, it's an afternoon playdate that may extend at the last minute.

OP posts:

bozza · 05/10/2008 21:53

I have a bit of a problem like this. I have a good friend with children the same ages and gender as mine and so end up doing girl/boy swaps lots of times. But one of her children is quite fussy and if I did what he liked everytime it would have a detrimental effect on my child's diet so I do try for middle ground but my priority is ensuring my children have a balanced diet.

Grammaticus · 05/10/2008 21:56

I have one fussy child, one non-fussy (and DH and I are not fussy). I adapt a meal by serving things with it that I know the fussy one will eat - can you add a bit of pitta bread on the side or serve baked beans or potatoes that she will eat alongside what you have planned? I wouldn't cook another meal completely.

mumto2andnomore · 05/10/2008 21:57

if you have a sort of arrangement with a friend who you know has a fussy child why did you defrost the fish, couldnt they all have had something like pasta tomorrow and used the fish another day ?
As it is just offer a sandwich or toast, wont hurt them to miss a 'proper dinner' for one day.

onepieceoflollipop · 05/10/2008 21:57

I agree with bozza. dd has a friend like this. So many times I have cooked something that she definitely liked last time but that is no guarantee. So I have one "child friendly" but reasonably healthy option; e.g pasta and sauce, supplemented with snacks such as yoghurt, rice pudding and the option of bread and butter with cheese or ham as a side dish.

Op as others have suggested I would say, oh would x like to eat with my dc? I had planned to do fish but if he would prefer something else I can give him some cheese on toast instead ( or insert other simple alternative)

Grammaticus · 05/10/2008 21:57

Banana and ice cream for dessert always fills 'em up if they haven't eaten a lot?

ravenAK · 05/10/2008 22:00

I would probably say 'We're having xxx for tea, do you want to join us?'

& have fruit/yoghurt available for fussy eater. (Because I would have those in anyway for when one of mine has a fussy night & won't eat tea!)

Definitely wouldn't cook two teas. At most, if a good friend, might point her at fridge & suggest she made her own dd a sandwich whilst I cooked for everyone else...

bozza · 05/10/2008 22:09

Problem then is though if OP's DC decide they would also prefer the sandwich option than the fish dinner that has been prepared.

I do agree with the idea of making sure that there is something about the meal the child likes - preferably the carbs as well, because at least that way the child will fill up. And if I am doing a seperate meal (eg last visitor had sausage and mash) as opposed to a one pot, I would ask which veg out of the ones I have in, they like and cook at least one of those. So it was carrots and peas with the sausage and mash.

hatwoman · 05/10/2008 22:09

could you cook cheesy pasta for the los, cook the fish for you and dh and save a portion for dd to have the next day? (or to freeze for another time) it's a bit more hassle one day but less hassle the next. total hassle the same. iyswim. although having said that fish isn't a great one to have the next day/freeze once cooked.

alicet · 05/10/2008 22:21

If they might not even stay I would leave it.

If it gets to a time when you are needing to give your dd tea then say 'would your dd like to stay for tea too? We are having fish'

At this point if it's something her dd won't eat she can say 'thanks but we need to go' without offending you and without it being an issue.

Sorted.

Certainly don't cook something else on the off chance they may stay when they very probably won't. I would never take my dc to an afternoon play date and presume they were going to get tea. If it was offered then loely but I wouldn't expect it and would excuse myself by 5 at the latest or earlier if they started making noises about needing to sort tea.

rookiemater · 05/10/2008 22:23

My DS is very fussy and I'd be upset if I thought people wouldn't invite us round at mealtimes because of it.

My friends tell me what they are planning for tea, and if I know its something DS is unlikely to eat I would bring round some bread and cheese for him or some garlic bread to share.

alicet · 05/10/2008 22:25

But the op isn't NOT inviting her friend's dd round for tea because they are fussy - it's an afternoon playdate where she doens't know if they are staying or not!

If I invite my dc's friends for tea I always ask if there is anything they don't eat and would make something that I knew they would like. But I wouldn't make something special just on the off chance when they might not stay!

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