To stop DD1 age 8 from coming to her little sisters birthday party tomorrow?

[J2O]

She has been getting up in a morning and taking sweets from the top of the fridge, she has already been grounded for this and knows in no uncertain terms that she is not allowed to get anything in a morning until i come down, especially things like that.
I'm doing dd2 a 1st birthday party tomorrow, dd1 is usually at her dads all day Sunday, but i said she can come home early for it, in fact ex ils are also supposed to be coming too.
Anyway i get up this morning, and she has been eating the little chocolate toppings that are to go on top of the cake, and i am so angry with her, i have told her she isn't allowed to come to the party now.
The thing is she is already overweight, which i have been fighting with for a couple of years now, mainly when she goes to her dads and his parents as they still feed her rubbish (thats another story) but i am so sick of worrying about it and there being a battle of wills between myself and her and them over it.

So...am i being unreasonable to stop her from coming? and if not, how do i tell the exILs without seeming as though I'm being petty?

I agree with Dittany's suggestion about having some food in the house that she can help herself to without asking you. I think that's quite reasonable - something like a bowl of fruit.

If it's important for her to have some control over when she eats (as it very wall may be) this gives her a healthy option.

Also at this age I wouldn't use the online BMI calculator, I would stick with the centile charts. They can be notoriously unreliable - and I say this as a person trained to calculate BMI (albeit a while back).

Have a lovely party x

stoping an 8 year old from coming to her sisters birthday party is OTT.I also would not ground her for eating a few sweets. At 8 she is still a little girl.

Just don't buy sweets

Dittany, actually she said she was busy bathing the little one as she had vomited all over herself and the cot.

I have a 8 yr old, I do not watch over her 24/7 as this would a) be impossible and b) get on her nerves!

I also do not allow my children to just help themselves to food, it is not bullying at all. There have been several threads on here and there were many parents who did not allow Dc to help themselves.

thanks marmaduke for reiterating what I have already said.

The party went well, dd1 had great fun, she even brought her friend that she sees at her dads.

I will continue to do my best with both dds, I will F**k up sometimes, as i am only human, but then so ara us all.

I don't think that i can take anything further from this thread, i appreciate all the replies, the advice, the constructive critism and the general support.
Thank you.

glad party went well. We do all mess up sometimes

I want to ask you something but dont want to sound bitchy but do you have issues with weight yourself? I ask as looked at your profiel (gorgeaus pics btw) and the comments next to some of them made me wonder and if so perhaps there could be some help you could get. Again I am not meaning this in a nasty way at all x

Buttonmeup-i've just looked at my pics, do you mean the bath pic? I should probably change that actually! in answer to your question, I don't feel i have any food issues at all, I don't diet or anything, obviously i'd prefer to be more toned but who wouldn't I think i may be coming accross as having more serious issues over dd1s weight than i am, its just that I feel like i'm fighting a losing battle with exdp over dd1s weight, at one point I was begging him not to let her have 3 or 4 cokes when he takes her out, so he changed it to J20s, which again, i had to tell him just isn't good for her health/teeth etc. I've decided to try and chill out about her weight/eating, i know she gets healthy breakfast/teas with me, and also eats well at school-its just finding clothes to fit her!

I understand. My exp doesnt feed ds1 properly imo (often misses breakfast and sometimes tea too and he comes home ravenous). Although my pet hate is him smoking around him.

I know what you mean about clothes. Ds1 was 91st centile as a baby and has remained larger for age. Gap is good on sizes for him. M & S are awful. Think ds2 will be similar..

I dont think your girls look large btw but i do understand the frustration of your eldest being fed crap and she probably doesnt appreciate that you are doing the right thing by not feeding her what she gets at her dads.

Thanks for not taking offence x