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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at DD (11) spending dinner money on sweets/junk?

71 replies

jellybeans · 03/10/2008 18:03

DD has just started secondary and I give a couple of quid a day for school lunch, she is not big on sandwiches and had hot meals at primary. I know she buys sweets and goes in the sweetshop before and after school daily as do her friends as she has admitted it a few times. A couple of times I drove past her on the way back from school (I pick my other DC up from another school and sometimes pass her on way back, she walks with friends) and she will hide stuff behind her back (ie junk food) while waving, I offered her a lift once and she dropped half eaten sweet wrappers on the floor right in front of me and denied they were hers. I don't expect her never to buy sweets/junk but am worried about weight gain etc (she is putting on weight although not fat) and the money is for lunch not crap, I haven't got money to throw away either. She does get pocket money which she also spends on junk sometimes. Is it control freakish to expect to have any say what she buys at this age? Should i just let her buy it? Put her on butties? Give her less money? I have tried to encourage healthy eating and said sweets in moderation are OK but it is falling on deaf ears it seems. Any advice?

OP posts:
SmugColditz · 03/10/2008 18:04

Hell no, put her on butties. I would not be having that.

3littlefrogs · 03/10/2008 18:09

Packed lunch, not cash.

trefusis · 03/10/2008 18:10

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notsoteenagemum · 03/10/2008 18:14

Warn her first giving her the chance to 'buck'up you should be able to ask the canteen for a receipt so you can check, if she still is buying sweets then put her on butties, our schools have cashless dining perhaps you could suggest it?

Liffey · 03/10/2008 18:16

Your daughter is only 11. I have to walk past two secondary schools to take my dc1 to school and I see so many of them, overweight, waddling out of Tescos with big bags of biscuits and donuts (the girls) and the boys buy a whole chicken and a litre of milk! (Which is healthier, but doesn't look great).

I know it's a pain in the culo, but having seen what is normal nowadays, I think I will be making sandwiches and putting pieces of pear and apple into lunch boxes for another 15 yrs!

Maybe with all this credit crunch talk, school lunch money will be one of the first things to be considered unnecessary.

Liffey · 03/10/2008 18:17

Asking for yesterday's receipt before handing over the next day's money is a good idea Notso! Very clever.

Original poster
jellybeans · 03/10/2008 18:19

Thanks for all the replies I never thought about the reciept, that's a great idea.

OP posts:
IllegallyBrunette · 03/10/2008 18:21

It's not on, but I was the same.

Me and a friend had a routine. I'd spend my dinner money on magazines and choc/crisps etc. She'd bring 2 lots of sandwiches to school, give one lot to me, and i'd give her some of the choc and crisps and the magazines once i'd read them.

Original poster
jellybeans · 03/10/2008 18:22

Just asked DD if she could get a reciept for her lunch, she said they don't give them out. I said are you sure she said yes. Unless she could try asking for one but DD would probably be too embarassed in front of her friends.

OP posts:
janeite · 03/10/2008 18:22

I am so glad that there is no shop on the way to my daughters' school!

The pupils at my school seem to exist all day on packets of cookies and litres of fizzy pop - horrible.

Yes: make her take sanwiches until she can convince you that she will change her ways. The receipt idea is good.

Original poster
jellybeans · 03/10/2008 18:24

illegally Brunette, I was a terror with mine too. Bought fags, sweets etc (when about 15) so I feel abit of a hypocrite! Still, don't want DD to become obese or have health issues etc. I wonder if I should enquire to the school about reciepts/cashless systems to see what they suggest?

OP posts:
roisin · 03/10/2008 18:25

I'd be livid! I'd put her on bog-standard boring butties plus apple & bottle of water for a week.

Then talk to her seriously about it.

I give ds1 £2.30 per day and at the end of the week he's allowed to keep any change/profit as extra pocket money, which he then saves up to buy computer games and so on.

trefusis · 03/10/2008 18:26

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notsoteenagemum · 03/10/2008 18:36

LOL at you feeling a hypocrite I bought 60 fags a week with my dinner money sold half for 30p each and smoked the rest! I've chosen a secondary for DD where they are not allowed out at lunch for this reason!
They prob don't give the receipts out as they'd end up on the floor but if they use a till they should give a receipt so would definately ask schools seem to be jumping on the healthy eating thing so they should be helpful. Do they have to have permission to leave the premises? Could you withdraw yours? I don't know why schools let the kids come and go at lunch times it's a waggers paradise. Good Luck!!

Portofino · 03/10/2008 18:39

Trefusis - me too! And Strongbow, Rothmans and PacMan! I lived off cupasoup and had a friend who got free school meals who shared the huge portions of chips etc. Sorry - we're probably not helping I'm lot letting my dd out unaccompanied between the ages of 11 and 18

nametaken · 03/10/2008 18:41

can you not give her a weekly or monthly cheque for school lunch. That way it just goes direct to canteen. You can still ask them to put a £2 per day limit on her spending as well. This is what I do.

luckylady74 · 03/10/2008 18:45

I did the exact same thing when I was 11 and got so fat - I would say I've struggled with my weight from then on. When I think about the lbs of peanut brittle and fruit sensations I ate and the greggs pasties....
Take the money away from her!

Original poster
jellybeans · 03/10/2008 18:48

notsoteenagemum, thanks, I will look into the reciepts. DD has to walk about a mile and back to school/back and passes several newsagents/sweetshops. They don't leave school at lunch as only get about 45 mins and the school is not near the shops really. Nametaken, I am not sure if I can pay upfront as it is a 'cash cafeteria' but I could ask about it, worth a try. Surely lots of parents are having the same issues.

OP posts:
nametaken · 03/10/2008 18:50

so what happens with the pupils who get free school meals? They don't pay cash surely?

Original poster
jellybeans · 03/10/2008 18:50

lol at living on cup a soups and the strongbow etc! :D

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 03/10/2008 18:51

I went through a phase of eating 4 creme eggs for lunch every day...bought from the iccream van outside the school gates...

Original poster
jellybeans · 03/10/2008 18:51

oops!

OP posts:
Dropdeadfred · 03/10/2008 18:54

my point being temptation is just tooo strong and she is better off taking packed lunch

expatinscotland · 03/10/2008 18:55

this is why i didn't get cash. not only did i have to take a lunch at that age, but i had to make it myself and if it didn't pass muster with Mama or Papa, it didn't go in the box.

don't like it? go without. i didn't starve.

i'm shocked that secondary schools are open campus here when they're only 11!

no wonder they're all getting fatter and fatter.

back in the 80s, only last year students - ages 17-18 - were allowed to leave campus at lunch time.

i'd yank the cash from her.

then start back up again with maybe once a week till you're sure she's not blowing it on junk.

Portofino · 03/10/2008 19:02

Needless to say I was never fat as a teenager

I think I would have been so P**sed off with a packed lunch rather than the cash, so that must surely be the way to go. Everything is faddish at that age anyway.

Expat, I'm really intrigued at your parent's Sandwich Inspection. Did they have to be just nutricious or was there a tidiness element?

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