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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be annoyed at DD (11) spending dinner money on sweets/junk?

71 replies

jellybeans · 03/10/2008 18:03

DD has just started secondary and I give a couple of quid a day for school lunch, she is not big on sandwiches and had hot meals at primary. I know she buys sweets and goes in the sweetshop before and after school daily as do her friends as she has admitted it a few times. A couple of times I drove past her on the way back from school (I pick my other DC up from another school and sometimes pass her on way back, she walks with friends) and she will hide stuff behind her back (ie junk food) while waving, I offered her a lift once and she dropped half eaten sweet wrappers on the floor right in front of me and denied they were hers. I don't expect her never to buy sweets/junk but am worried about weight gain etc (she is putting on weight although not fat) and the money is for lunch not crap, I haven't got money to throw away either. She does get pocket money which she also spends on junk sometimes. Is it control freakish to expect to have any say what she buys at this age? Should i just let her buy it? Put her on butties? Give her less money? I have tried to encourage healthy eating and said sweets in moderation are OK but it is falling on deaf ears it seems. Any advice?

OP posts:

pointydog · 03/10/2008 19:07

I used to be very much in favour od high school pupils going down the town for lunch. Now I am dead against it.

Secondary schools should keep their pupils on site for the whole school day.

I might join a campaign about this one day.

Portofino · 03/10/2008 19:12

We weren't allowed off site til we were in the 6th year, and then there were RULES - no eating in the street, no chewing gum etc. We still had to wear uniform in those days so they didn't want you bringing shame on the school.....

Original poster

jellybeans · 03/10/2008 19:17

The school would probably say they can't stop the kids buying junk on the way to school or on way home, which is true in a way, would be good if we could pay in advance/tokens etc so they don't have the cash on them and so are not tempted by the sweetshop.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 03/10/2008 19:21

nutritious was the key, Porto. but got a lot more flexibility with what else went into the lunch.

but we weren't allowed off site, either, until we were in the final year.

IMO, 11 is way, way too young to expect to run about and eat sensibly.

like i said, no wonder they're getting fatter and fatter.

expatinscotland · 03/10/2008 19:21

nutritious was the key, Porto. but got a lot more flexibility with what else went into the lunch.

but we weren't allowed off site, either, until we were in the final year.

IMO, 11 is way, way too young to expect to run about and eat sensibly.

like i said, no wonder they're getting fatter and fatter.

pointydog · 03/10/2008 19:23

I'd complain to the school. I'd ask them why they carry on letting their pupils eat junk, why don;t they keep their pupils on site, why do they put up with their pupils littering the neighbourhood.

On the one hand we have extremist dictatorial eating regimes in primary and then oh go and eat any old shite in high school.

It's children's health, stoopid.

Portofino · 03/10/2008 19:36

I'm now by my spelling! Actually, I very much agree with you Pointydog. Why do you need a cafeteria/option to go elsewhere. Fair enough there should be options for lunch, vegetarian etc. It would be fair that you either choose packed lunch or school lunch. School lunch should only offer healthy options and maybe chips once a week. Parents should pay the school direct.

CherryChapstick · 03/10/2008 19:39

Give her a packed lunch, but this is not unnusual behaviour for a girl of her age, don't be so hard on her. I did the same at her age, in fact, I spent it on fags!

pointydog · 03/10/2008 19:40

well, yeah, everyone does it. It's time to stop it.

LadyGlencoraPalliser · 03/10/2008 19:45

Our school has a swipe card system. You put money on the card every week and they can spend it in the canteen. At the end of the month the parent can request a print out of exactly what they bought. I have told DD that if she starts buying junk I am busting her back down to packed lunches for the next month. I have yet to request a print out, but I will...

pointydog · 03/10/2008 19:50

yes, so has our school, Lady. But the pupils still prefer to go down town. I don't think many parents resist. I wouldn't stop my own dds from going down town iuf they wanted (1st years not allowed, new rule this year, so haven't really started all that yet).

FreakyLadyFrightALot · 03/10/2008 20:04

My es, 12, started secondary school last year and at first we gave him money he could pay into a sort of cashmachine, and then the money would automatically didacted for whatever he got at school....we gave him enough so he would roughly have £2.50 each day....well...when I asked him what he had he was always quite vague about it and in the end it turned out, that he bought a few , overexpensive, juices at school eachday and maybe a hashbrownie....obviously not what I had in mind...
so, we put him back onto packed lunches, and that is what he still has...
he was told that, as we can't trust him yet to make the right choices he was not allowed to chose...simple...every action has a reaction (as my dh loves to say )

janeite · 03/10/2008 20:22

None of our pupils are allowed to go off site at break or lunch time. I think that all schools should enforce this tbh.

Original poster

jellybeans · 03/10/2008 20:34

Thanks everyone. I agree with what you told your DS, FreakyLadyFrightALot, about not being able to choose if not make the right choices. I suppose it is obvious an 11 year old suddenly having access to money and having to walk past several sweet shops is going to be tempted. I don't mind the odd time but before and after school and throwing litter etc I won't have. I don't expect total control but just that DD spends most the money on what it is given for and the weight gain worries me.I got a letter from school today praising the school meals but that is OK if there were no sweetshops on the way to school and back as by then they have spent their money! They don't go out at lunch. I think the best way is if the school can be paid direct for dinners. I think I will email them during next week 'healthy dinners week' apparantly. Maybe I will put DD on sandwiches (she hates it though, really HATES it, says all her friends have money, really it's about half and half) for some days and money the other days? (and hope the school look into the matter)

OP posts:

notsoteenagemum · 03/10/2008 20:39

FLFAL rofl surely you mean hash brown or is it a very liberal school selling hashbrownies!!

FreakyLadyFrightALot · 03/10/2008 20:59

lol....ooops ....

mumeeee · 03/10/2008 21:58

Give her a packed lunch instead of cash.

herbietea · 03/10/2008 22:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Piffle · 03/10/2008 22:08

I do packed lunch 3-4 x a week and bought 1-2x
I assume the worst.
I figure if I control 90% of the diet the other 10% is ok

FreakyLadyFrightALot · 03/10/2008 22:09

herbie, think that is the system es school is practicing....only they don't get the health points...

tbh, I think they should still safeguard it all, especially for younger students, and flag it up to the parents, if only mainly juice is board, and also they should just offer healthy foods....
yes, I know a bit of everything is healthy, BUT if there is no control than that might not happen....

Original poster

jellybeans · 03/10/2008 22:09

nametaken, I think the free school meals children get a token. Thanks everyone for all replies x

OP posts:

DumbledoresGirl · 03/10/2008 22:12

Petition for a card system. My son's school has that.

Or give her sandwiches as everyone else has said.

That said, I survived for years on an icecream and a Mars bar every day bought from the ice cream van that visited our school each lunchtime. You can't imagine it happening now can you?

pointydog · 03/10/2008 22:15

The card system wouldn't necessarily work. If most of the kids go down town and dd1 wants to go down town, I'm not going to stop her.

The school has to keep them on the premises.

FreakyLadyFrightALot · 03/10/2008 22:19

the card system doesn't work..like I said it's in place at ds's school....because the only difference is that they don't carry cash on a daily basis...so, possibly takes ot any bull issues, if planned carefuly randomly..but, unless parents get info of what the money is spend or only fruit/veg/unprocessed foods and just water or juice in limited quantities is available, nothing will be achieved....they will spend money on crap in school in stead of out of school...

pointydog · 03/10/2008 22:21

No crap is sold in our school. What do they sell in yours, freaky?

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