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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not let dd take part in tomorrows lesson about smoking?

114 replies

frankbestfriend · 01/10/2008 20:35

So, dd came out of school today completely distraught after having a lady come in to talk to the class about smoking.

Dh is a smoker who is extremely considerate of others, he smokes in the garden, and never when we are out and about with dd, even if we are outdoors.

Although I appreciate the need to educate the children about the risks of smoking and encourage them to never start, I feel todays lesson has gone beyond that.

The children were asked to put up their hands if their parents smoke, and then shown pictures of organs cut from the bodies of smokers after their deaths. They were told that this is what will happen to their parents. They were also given homework, to go home and tell their parents about the diseased organs, and point out the various poisons they are inhaling when they smoke.

Dd is traumatised.
I think making them identify themselves as children of smokers in front of the class(dd says people were looking at her and saying eeurgh!) is going too far. Imagine if they had shown the heart of someone with obesity related heart disease and asked them to put their hand up if they had a fat parent

It seems a little militant, and also as if the children are being made to take responsibility for an adults choice.

She is only 7 and has been beside herself with worry tonight. Tomorrow she has to go into the lesson and report back on her dad's response, and I really don't want her to have to go through this again.

So, AIBU? I know I am probably about to be bashed to death by the anti smoking brigade.

OP posts:
TheCrackFox · 01/10/2008 21:13

I hate smoking but this is horrible. How dare this woman give your daughter this kind of guilt trip, which she has no control over. Personally, I would go in and complain.

Original poster
frankbestfriend · 01/10/2008 21:17

I don't think dh is ready to give up, unfortunately, He still 'enjoys' smoking

I suppose he could lie to her and say he has stopped since she never actually sees him doing it, but that is not his style either.

The rights and wrongs of his habit is not really the issue, it was the way the lesson was handled.

OP posts:
glucose · 01/10/2008 21:21

What sort of organisation was this woman from? I would not want them visiting any school and frightening children in this way.

southeastastra · 01/10/2008 21:25

awful, complain

phdlife · 01/10/2008 21:26

I agree with you completely, franksbestfriend. It's not your dd's job either to out her dad, or to blackmail him into quitting. (And yes, getting his tearful dd to inform him of facts he doubtless already knows, is blackmail.) Nor is it the school's job to scare children about the death of their parents.

Frankly I'd be complaining, but I'm foreign

Original poster
frankbestfriend · 01/10/2008 21:28

Am going to complain am.Should I ask for her to be excused from the lesson?

Thanks all for the advice.

OP posts:
AbbeyA · 01/10/2008 21:28

If he won't give up have you got an example of an elderly, healthy smoker to put her mind at rest? My DS always used to be able to say that his Grandad was 90yrs, and still smoking-it takes the sting out of it.

southeastastra · 01/10/2008 21:29

i would ask them to stop all lessons with this person not just take out your dd

Original poster
frankbestfriend · 01/10/2008 21:30

The organisation is called d-side, btw.

They visit anually to talk about health issues, smoking was discussed last year, but in a manner which didn't personalise the issue for the children.

OP posts:
Original poster
frankbestfriend · 01/10/2008 21:32

Done that, AbbeyA, although I don't want to be giving her the message that it is ok to smoke. We have an elderly relative smoking for 70 years and still going strong

OP posts:
spicemonster · 01/10/2008 21:34

Actually I wouldn't let her go to school if those people are going to be there. It's propaganda (if smoking's so dreadful, make it illegal surely?) and it's appalling that a child is held up in front of the class like that.

I don't think it's appropriate for any organisation that has got an agenda to come into schools incidentally without the prior permission of their parents. I don't care what the message is.

glucose · 01/10/2008 21:42

I would not just complain to the school, but to this d-side organisation. They need to hear this - because the school may not have had much input into the content of the session. If the take home message from the session is really that frightening the session should be changed. Health promotion is a valuable tool, and of course people should be encouraged to give up smoking - but you should still can complain if the message is being delivered in an unacceptable way - and it sounds like it is.

smartiejake · 01/10/2008 21:46

I am very anti smoking and as I was reading the op I was thinking "hmm bit extreme for a lesson but not unreasonable" (One of my mum's friends gave up smoking when her daughter had a similar lesson many years ago)

But then I read she was only 7...

Poor little thing! I was imagining a 14 year olds biology lesson!

Yes I think kids can put a very important amount of pressure on their parents to give up smoking but this is just too much for a 7 year old.

offtoseethewizard · 01/10/2008 21:49

This is out of order! Not all smokers die from smoking related illnesses do they? A lot do but many die from other causes and many non smokers die from the horrific illnesses now being shown on fag packets (albeit probably later in life). Non smokers get lung cancer, rotten teeth, heart disease, and COPD and many smokers are healthy well into old age. I believe the risk of passive smoking is grossly exaggerated!!

I do not smoke and hope dcs don't but I would not keep them away from smokers as all the smokers I know do not smoke around children indoors and I think any microscopical chemical residue on a smoker's breath or clothing would pose a minimum risk to children.

I would never promote smoking as a lifestyle choice (or eating chips and chocolate daily, or taking no exercise, or drinking a bottle of wine a night etc) but I think people need to live and let live a bit more, smoking has become - in a short time a major crime for parents.

YANBU I would be furious at this type of scaremongering in a primary classroom.

PinkPussyCat · 01/10/2008 21:50

Apologies as haven't read entire thread, but I remember similar things from school days when the anti-smoking message was hammered home, we were very young. To that end I can't remember a time where I was young enough not to worry about my parents' health (both smokers). For years I spent day after day thinking they wouldn't be around for my next birthday/christmas. I was only about 6 or 7

The lesson does sound a bit graphic for 7yos. Your poor dd, I can recall exactly the kind of fear she is feeling. I hope you let the school know just how upsetting this has been for you all. Hope you can reassure her.

SammyK · 01/10/2008 21:53

Your poor little dd. You need to complain at school, and to the organisation too. Were there other children upset too? I should think there will be!

I am very antismoking too, my dp smokes and ds would react exactly the same - with terrible anxiey about his daddy. If anadult smokes it is their decision to smoke, or to quit.

Szyslak · 01/10/2008 21:56

I am extremely vocally anti smoking, but this sounds like it has been handled very badly and you have a right to be upset.

Yes we want children educated about the harm of smokimg, but we don't want then traumatised about thier parents health, possible death and social stigmatisation, and certainly not at 7yrs old.

If she was 15, the maybe.

I am really quite cross on your behalf.

It seems the (very valid) issue has become more imporatnt than the emotional impact on the (very young) children.

lovemybuggy · 01/10/2008 21:56

YANBU, I dont think its reasonable way to teach a 7 year old about the dangers of smoking,poor little thing.

Original poster
frankbestfriend · 01/10/2008 22:05

Thank you all so much for your support, I never thought about adressing the organisation with my issues, I will definetely do that.

The class teacher had no imput into the lesson, in fact he was not even present. I will talk to him in the morning and also see the head. If my concerns are not dealt with I will not let her take part.

You have helped me identify my main problems with the way in which the lesson was conducted, and I am really grateful.

Just so sad for dd. And I really wish he would stop

OP posts:
edam · 01/10/2008 22:31

is this the organisation in question?

That page is 2004, though, so the manager's details may well be out of date.

edam · 01/10/2008 22:32

more up to date

Helga80 · 01/10/2008 22:40

I'm a militant member of the anti smoking brigade havign watched my father die from smoking related cancer, however YANBU

No 7yo should ever be total their parent is killing themselves and be scared in this way.

This lesson is not guaranteed going to stop her from starting to smoke in the future, all it is going to achieve is making her terrfied that her daddy is going to leave.

I think you should complain to the school and ask for the lesson to be cancelled until a more suitable session can be arranged, no child should be 'punished' in this way for the actions of their parent.

colacubes · 01/10/2008 22:47

Lnot pretend otherwise, its not the class that scares her, its daddy smoking that scares her!

colacubes · 01/10/2008 22:48

Sorry thats "Lets not!"

nooka · 01/10/2008 23:03

Well this is true, if her Daddy (or other person close to her heart) didn't smoke I don't suppose the class would have affected her. But it still sounds age inappropriate. I remember an animal rights type person coming into our primary school and showing films about vivisection and such stuff. My mother removed me in advance, as she found out before (possibly one of my sisters had sat through the session). In her opinion it would turn the class into vegetarian, which she regarded as terribly fussy. On the other hand she did teach us biology partly through skinning and preparing rabbits for stew...