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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I am being treated differently for formula feeding?

85 replies

discriminatedagainst · 01/10/2008 20:32

Name changed, don't want any of them to recognise me.

Of my NCT groups of 6 I am the only one who is formula feeding. I get on ok with most of the NCT girls but there is one who is a bit funny with me.

Anyway, we were at her house and two of the other babies were sick and it went on her sofa. "Oh don't worry my DS does that all the time" so they just wiped it with a muslin.

Anyway, my DS was sick and I said sorry and she made a huge fuss about it - went to get a bowl of water and some spray and a cloth to get it out and just looked really pissed off.

I really feel as though I am being singled out as DS is ff. AIBU?

OP posts:
electra · 01/10/2008 20:55

discriminatedagainst - she is not worth your time and company.

Find a real friend who is not so insecure that she has to behave like a bully school girl.

Don't waste any more time thinking about her. Think about it, if you are still friends years down the line you will still be putting up with her sh*t. You don't need her.

Original poster
discriminatedagainst · 01/10/2008 20:56

yeah, she is a bit annoying. I don't know, the others seem to hang off her words a bit, but I don't know if they are just being polite.

Last time she was going on and on about how she expresses, how it's given her her freedom, how she takes the baby out in the sling - as if she invents breast pumps and slings fgs.

OP posts:
lulumama · 01/10/2008 20:56

agree with marla

it is ok to say something you know, you can say stuff that is challenging without being nasty
if she gets defensive then it is because she knows she is wrong

she clearly has little empathy

not someone i would want to waste time trying to forge a friendship with

Trafficcone · 01/10/2008 20:56

Forumla sick does bloody stink though!! I'd have cleaned it up bloody quick too!

dinny · 01/10/2008 20:57

oh she'll get her comeuppance one day - her baby will turn into nightmare toddler or something!

StealthPolarBear · 01/10/2008 20:57

What an idiot

Original poster
discriminatedagainst · 01/10/2008 20:58

traficcone, is that true? more than breast milk? see maybe there is a reason, or she will hide behind it.

OP posts:
ScottishMummy · 01/10/2008 20:59

congratulations on your baby.unfortunately you meet some horrors.makes you value the regular mums

StealthPolarBear · 01/10/2008 21:01

even if it's true it's insensitive of her to make such a huge fuss especially when she hadn't with the others.

StealthPolarBear · 01/10/2008 21:02

a little bit of baby sick is a little bit of baby sick. The only line for me is if it's DS's I can wipe it up with my finger, any one else's and I'm slightly queasy

harpomarx · 01/10/2008 21:05

I did meet an NCT mother once (I am not one, btw). She got my goat up by going on about her homebirth and then said, in relation to my hospital admission 'oh yes, I don't really like the idea of hospital birth, all that intervention, that's when things start going wrong, etc, etc'

having spent 5 days in excruciating pain after a pre-labour that failed to progress (after being over 2 weeks overdue) - I was bloody glad for the induction, epidural and subsequent emergency cs. I genuinely believe that had things been left to nature in my case either I would have died in childbirth or dd would have been damaged.

so, ignore her. But don't cut her off if she is part of a valuable group of friends and rest assured, you will feel braver in a few months time about your choices. Fwiw, I felt excluded at times for being one of few mums I know who bfed, I had eyebrows raised at me more than a few times for bfing after 6 months.

ScottishMummy · 01/10/2008 21:14

ah yes the competitive-birth-mums you didn't get it right if you weren't analgesia free chanting an incantation, with your birth attendants singing kumbaya,

StarlightMcKenzie · 01/10/2008 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

StealthPolarBear · 01/10/2008 21:16

I gave birth while on a knit-your-own-lentils course
Just had the lentil sling ready when DS popped out
5 minute breather and back for the woolly scarf lesson

Twelvelegs · 01/10/2008 21:17

She doesn't like you and chooses ff and birth to be offensive.

ScottishMummy · 01/10/2008 21:20

SPB you lightweight 5min breather.tsk.did you make placenta purée and detritus mousse

etchasketch · 01/10/2008 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

moomaa · 01/10/2008 21:24

With the sick YABU I know other mums (some of whom did ff) that say that formua fed babies sick is gross and would have reacted the same way so maybe don't take it personally. On the other things you said about her YANBU.

I had a frequent projectile vomiter so am immune to all sick and wouldn't have minded your baby being sick one little bit. It's likely that if I came to yours I would have been bringing loads of towels to put round us in readiness, I bet your 'friend' wouldn't have liked me

DesperateHousewifeToo · 01/10/2008 21:26

It won't be long before it becomes difficult to all meet up together and you will gradually navigate to those mums you have the most in common with.

I'll bet some of the others think the same as you.

Did anyone else in your group have an epidural?

I'm sure your baby will do everything before hers (smile, sit up, clap, crawl, speak, walk). Well that is what you can tell her anyway

DoubleBluff · 01/10/2008 21:29

NCT is for poncey mums anyway.
Meet some real ones somewhere else, ask you HV if she runs a baby group or similar.

Onestonetogo · 01/10/2008 21:32

Message withdrawn

fruitstick · 01/10/2008 21:36

As your babies get older you'll develop a thicker skin. Don't assume she has anything against you personally though - some people just have no concept of people making different decisions to them or having different experiences. I still see all my NCT friends regularly and one in particular always finds something offensive to say - but now I just find her hilarious.

She always called my baby skinny and once, when justifying why she had a nanny because nurseries weren't open long enough said 'I don't know any job where you could leave at 5:30 on the dot everyday, unless you worked in a shop or something!"

Just wait, in 2 years time her child will eat nothing but toast and chocolate yoghurts and you can be smug in return.

TheGreatScootini · 01/10/2008 21:39

I was made to feel a bit second rate by some of my NCT group at first as one of only two FF'ers and someone who had also had a planned epidural.I chose to be very blaze and quite jolly about it IYSWIM when they made the odd comments they did, but made sure I did not apologise for my choices, (whilst not commenting on anyone elses)

Dont stop seeing the group-why should you?Just dont neccessarily speak to her over much.You can be polite but you dont have to go out of your way to speak to her in a big group like that..that way she will bug you less, but you will still get to see your friends..

TheCrackFox · 01/10/2008 21:50

If she mentions the "two pushes and the baby was out" crapolla again just casually ask if that is because she has a fanny like a bucket? Might wipe the smug look off her face.

roseability · 01/10/2008 21:54

What a witch! Mothering is hard enough without people making you feel insecure. I would try and meet up with the other mums without her if you can