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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to NOT want dd(11) to be promoted to level 3 in gym club because the bloody training timetable is a nightmare for me not to mention her

16 replies

mumonthenet · 30/09/2008 23:55

am so fed up.

DD thinks I'm depriving her of a wonderful opportunity. She's talented and competitive, but the bloody training is bad enough at level 2...school nights, 30 minute round trip, trying to do the dinner etc..

Now they want her to train more and later. I don't want her to, but she's in tears. am I thwarting her dreams? Should I say no?
Should I try to compromise?

And what about me in all of this?

grrrrrrr

OP posts:

themoon66 · 01/10/2008 00:05

How old is she? I guess she will get bored and fed up before you do.

nametaken · 01/10/2008 00:06

how many nights a week is it? Can you share the driving with a few other parents

salsmum · 01/10/2008 00:10

mumonthenet,
I used to do the club trps with my two when they were younger and I know it can be exhausting but I think you should speak to the trainer and mention that you're finding it difficult with her school work etc and it could be that there's a club nearer to you or maybe she could train on w/ends which would'nt be so bad. My son went to performing arts college which is now his career [he's 24] my dd went to...air cadets, brownies, drama club, etc...etc.. but as she got older I had to 'liquidise' it down so she could concentrate on her schooling.
GOOD LUCK

sunnydelight · 01/10/2008 00:13

Tough one. You will be the evil mother from hell if you say no, but you are the one who has to deal with the logistics, not her.

First of all, is it actually possible for you to do it? (other kids, your own commitments etc.). Is it possible to share the driving as nametaken has suggested? Does she do other stuff as well that she could drop to make more time? I know a family whose entire lives have been dictated by the eldest's talent at swimming; her two siblings are well fed up at this point.

If you can come to some kind of compromise that that is her only activity, and you can lift share sometimes then personally I would do it - she's dangerously close to the "I hate you" years anyway. If you genuinely can't then explain it and she will have to deal with it.

Original poster

mumonthenet · 01/10/2008 00:18

she's 11, not sure she will get fed up...she really loves it, is quite good at it too. Loves to compete, quite ambitious -has a collection of medals already! Not that I care about the medals...I don't particularly want an Olympic athlete. I just want to put my feet up sometimes!!!

Their actual timetable for level three is 7.30 to 9 pm two nights and 8 to 10pm three nights plus Saturday morning. I think it's far too much for an 11 year old - quite apart from the driving that I would have to do. Most of the other kids in that level are older - maybe one or two her age.

Can try a car pool which is what I do at the moment anyway but not many live in our direction...outside town.

I've actually already told dd no but the trainer has said to her she can cut out one or two of the training sessions...

I just wish the blasted trainer hadn't put the idea into dd's head. The trainer couldn't care less..just sees a potential competition winner in dd and to hell with anything else.

And good old Mum is going to be the villain of the piece for not letting her go. Rant...rant....rant..

OP posts:

nametaken · 01/10/2008 00:28

5 nights a week plus saturday morning would be completely unacceptable to me!!!!!!!!!

You've got a life to live as well, not to mention any other kids you might have.

She's supposed to have one and a half hours homework as well every night (according to government guidelines) - plus family commitments etc etc.

Part of growing up and becoming a rounded adult is learning to accept you simply can't have everything you want.

Don't envy you

ethanchristopher · 01/10/2008 00:31

in my opinion i would let her

the rewards are fantastic, i wasnt allowed to do this and my life might have been very different if i had been allowed to get into development squad for gymnastics.

how possible is it to share lifts and also for dh to muck in?

Pawslikepaddington · 01/10/2008 00:33

I wouldn't let her do that much training-she will be too tired to concentrate on her schooling, and then if she gets injured and her gym world collapses she will have no exam results to fall back on. Would be a no from me too!

Quattrocento · 01/10/2008 00:36

You have my sympathy

Really you do.

But you'll have to let her do it.

salsmum · 01/10/2008 00:37

I think that the best thing w3ould be to do the 7.30-9pm two nights and the sat morning if you can thus cutting out the 8-10pm nights. I think that would possibly take your DD longer to get to her level 3 BUT if her timetable is so time consuming and shes getting to bed really late on school nights shes going to be really moody if she's tired anyway. Is her school work suffering? when does she get to do her homework? I think it's a case of damned if you do.....I think at aged 11 you can come to some sort of compramise. I also think you need to have a word with the trainer so he can see just how much pressure he's putting on the parents .

Original poster

mumonthenet · 01/10/2008 01:05

Thanks for all your sensible comments - you are all kind of thinking along the same line as me... but am finding it very uncomfortable.

I think I will offer a compromise (and I have to say I even slightly resent having to do that!!) Might be able to get the odd lift. DH will muck if he can but the lion's share will be mine of course...sulk emoticon.

Yes she does her homework and gets good marks but does get absolutely knackered if she overdoes it. Yes, have other dc's, a dog, a part time job...maybe even a life of my own (mnetting?)

Will have a word with trainer(she)...I know she'll accept whatever I put forward but then the pressure will be on dd because she'll be given a partner and then what if the pair don't both train together...hmm will have to touch on that with the trainer.

I just don't know if it will work...god am so furious.

OP posts:

Original poster

mumonthenet · 01/10/2008 01:10

nametaken, do take your point and totally agree... you cannot have everything you want.

and it may be on this occasion dd will learn this.

Will talk to trainer.

OP posts:

twentypence · 01/10/2008 03:30

I did this with music - but went straight after school on the bus and was picked up at 9.30pm. I had two sandwich boxes in my school bag or money for chips .

My mum had to come out and pick me up, but she didn't have to hang around for 3 hours every night or go home again only to turn back around to pick me up.

I think unless you can car pool it would be a nightmare.

Ds is only 5 and already the parents have their car pooling worked out for when after school sport kicks in in year 3!

branflake81 · 01/10/2008 07:48

Can she not get there under her own steam and you can pick her up? At 11 she should be able to get the bus early evening (provided there are some), that would help you and cut down journey times etc.

Agree it's a LOT of training and a very punishing schedule. But I also think if you don't let her do it she will hold it against you, possibly for a very long time. She clearly must be talented and even if you don't want an Olympian for a child, just imagine what if she could be and that chance is denied her?

I would let her but make it clear that she has to get her work done, do as much of the travelling etc herself and show she's committed.

TheHedgeWitch · 01/10/2008 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

mumonthenet · 01/10/2008 21:57

she will hold it against me I know that... suppose that's why I needed MNers's wisdom....because it's a very important part of her life...fecking gymnastics...

will try to find some blardy compromise...'tis blard difficult, we live outside town in the countryside.

I have JUST got organised (based on the original timetable) with another mum who lives v close to us to share the driving...she has 2dc's at gym like me(my other dd is only level 1 in same club ...only twice a week much more manageable) Other mum doesn't have any kids in level 3 so will have to start all over to find car sharing options and I know there aren't many.

Yep 10 o'clock finish is definite no-no - will have to see what i can set up.

Some days she may be able to go after school - to library do homework...then walk to gym. She did that last year.Armed with a sandwich for her snack, then another sandwich for her dinner...gaaaad. But the days when it doesn't even START til 19.30 like you say it's drive her there, then come home, then go back.

I have the timetable (for all levels) on the fridge. Just trying to read it addles my brain.

I feel like strangling the trainer. (Trainer prob just thinks I'm a difficult Mum)

Thanks for the chance to rant.

OP posts:

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