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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think its our business how old we are when we have our kids and how many we have?

71 replies

lollipopz · 30/09/2008 09:52

Ok just a wee bit irritated at the amount of negative or sarcastic comments me and dh have been getting since announcing we are expecting our fourth child! I am 26 and dh is 27 we have been together for 8 years and married for 3. Our kids are 6.5 , 5 and 2.
All sorts of people from family members to people we barely know saying things such as: "you will not cope you are to young" "your dh will end up leaving u" " do all your kids have the same dad?!"
Some mothers have came up to me in the playground and asked how old I am and how old I was when I had dd1 which i considered v rude.
Ok I appreciate we are young but we are in a solid relationship both work and own our own house and car.
Is it fair for these people to make these comments purely based on how old we look when some of them don't even know any thing about us and do u think the same comments would be mede to a woman 5 years or so older than me?
Sorry if this seems quite petty but I am so happy about having this baby and these opinions are just getting me down a bit!

OP posts:
Charlee · 30/09/2008 09:58

I agree Lollipop i am 21 and have 2 children which dp and i planned, we have been together for 6yrs started as a cute puppy love teenage couple but are now still together in an adult relationship.

I think it's sh*t the way you get told 'yuo won't cope' just becuase your deemed 'to young' or 'to old.

I would ignore them they are talking boll*cks.

Tortington · 30/09/2008 09:59

as long as you support yourselves - do you?

LouMacca · 30/09/2008 09:59

YANBU. Ignore them. You sound like you have a lovely, happy life with your family. Put it down to jealousy on their part.

solidgoldbrass · 30/09/2008 09:59

It drives me nuts too (from the other end of the scale, had my one and only DS at 39 and had years of mutterings about 'career women' and 'biological clock'). It is no one else's business. They are fuckwits. Ignore them.

southeastastra · 30/09/2008 10:00

yes as long as you can pay for them

Original poster
lollipopz · 30/09/2008 10:01

Whst do you mean? If you mean financially then yes dh and I both work we don't rely on anyone but our senves to bring the kids up.

OP posts:
cupsoftea · 30/09/2008 10:01

Ignore these comments - they are just from people too stupid to think about what they are saying.

Charlee · 30/09/2008 10:02

The OP said they both work and have thier own house and car so im going to say they do support them.

Original poster
lollipopz · 30/09/2008 10:02

Any why do people think because we are younger we must also be relying oon state money that also makes me mad! We both have good jobs have just bought a bigger house and the kids want for nothing

OP posts:
cupsoftea · 30/09/2008 10:03

southeast - what a horrid thing to write.

southeastastra · 30/09/2008 10:04

why?

MadOldAggie · 30/09/2008 10:04

YANBU I am pg with no6 and can't be arsed to tell anyone because of all the neg comments I get.
I am thinking of having a tshirt printed that say's.

Yes I am pg with my 6 dc
No we are not mad
When I ask you to clothe/feed /care for my children then please feel free to make me your buisness until then mind your own.
Oh and yes we do a have a tv.

{wink]

Congratulations BTW.

Charlee · 30/09/2008 10:04

Ignore any nasty comments lillipopz, again its ahorrible sterotype that young couples live off of benifits.

You seems to br a mature, capable parent in a secure relationship, you can support and raise your children well so sod everyone else.

cheesesarnie · 30/09/2008 10:05

ignore ignore ignore.if your dc are happy and healthy and so are yourself and your dh it doesnt matter.

and yes i think people who are rude enough to make those sort of comments would ask them to someone no matter what age.

your not actually that young either(ment in nice way)

schwotz · 30/09/2008 10:07

cupsoftea, custardo asked the same thing in a different way.

Tortington · 30/09/2008 10:07

not a nasty thing to write at all .

you can do what you like - pop until you can't stop - if thats what floats your boat - as long as you are paying for them not me - this was the caveat on my opinion.

good luck

cupsoftea · 30/09/2008 10:08

Would you really say that in rl?

If anyone had come up to me & said " as long as you can pay for them" I would have reminded them that the welfare state is there to help in need and when you go to the doc, take your kids to school then I'm paying for that.

cheesesarnie · 30/09/2008 10:08

i agree and it doesnt depend on age either.

Tortington · 30/09/2008 10:08

passes schwotz a spoon...there you go love

schwotz · 30/09/2008 10:08

I would ignore them.

HRHSaintMamazon · 30/09/2008 10:08

My mum was 17 when she had me. by the time she was 44 she had 10 children.

my parents are together still and despite having a very normal row here and there type of relationship they are certainly no where near a point where they would seperate.

people judge otherz by their own standards.
they know that they would not be able to cope and so they assume that neither wouold you.
ignore them, when they say the usual "oh i dont know how yu cope" reply with "it doesn't matter so long as i do"

cupsoftea · 30/09/2008 10:09

Oh yes - custardo as well - wouldf you say that in rl?

Original poster
lollipopz · 30/09/2008 10:09

Can I ask why you think just because people are young they don't pay for their kids I am pretty sure there are parents older than us out there who claim benefits?

OP posts:
Tortington · 30/09/2008 10:09

the welfare state is to help those in need.

exactly!

schwotz · 30/09/2008 10:10

hate to see you get missed out