To think its our business how old we are when we have our kids and how many we have?

[lollipopz]

Ok just a wee bit irritated at the amount of negative or sarcastic comments me and dh have been getting since announcing we are expecting our fourth child! I am 26 and dh is 27 we have been together for 8 years and married for 3. Our kids are 6.5 , 5 and 2.
All sorts of people from family members to people we barely know saying things such as: "you will not cope you are to young" "your dh will end up leaving u" " do all your kids have the same dad?!"
Some mothers have came up to me in the playground and asked how old I am and how old I was when I had dd1 which i considered v rude.
Ok I appreciate we are young but we are in a solid relationship both work and own our own house and car.
Is it fair for these people to make these comments purely based on how old we look when some of them don't even know any thing about us and do u think the same comments would be mede to a woman 5 years or so older than me?
Sorry if this seems quite petty but I am so happy about having this baby and these opinions are just getting me down a bit!

No yanbu

It is your business.
I have children to a man who is pushing for 50 and I am 27. We have been married for several years.
He has two older children from a previous marriage also and everybody comments on the fact he has started all over again so old
My youngest two were hospitalised at birth and I had 2 emergency c-sections. Without state help my children would not be here because I would not have had the thousands of pounds it cost to keep them alive.
Tax payers (including myself and my husband) paid. Thank goodness. I have probably used up £25k(?) of resoures just by giving birth and yet if a family claimed that £25k through income support for several years due to ill health or misfortune etc and opted to have another child whilst on it everyone would be quick to have an opinion.

Ignore them lollipopz and feel priviledged that soon enough you will have a beautiful baby to coo over and these women will still be consumed in their unfulfilled and nosey little lives.

people will always judge, no matter what you do.

When I had dd I got looks and stares, i probably did when i had ds but I think I just ignore it all now BTW I was 26 when I had dd and 28 when I had ds. But I look younger. Everyone is always when they hear my age I am 30 in November.

An old lady once muttered something about single mothers with pushchairs, and I must admit it annoyed me so much I turned round and said 'i'm 26, married, have my own house and a job so please keep your opinions to yourself' and walked off

Myfirst thought on reading your post was 'gosh that does seem young to have 4 kids', but I wouldn't say it out aloud, that would be rude.

Some people make no distinction between what they are thinking and what comes out thier mouths. I am sure I am not the only one to have had that initial thouhgt, so you are likely to get some comments.

It is rude, it's none of thier business, there are stereotypes, harden yourself to it.

Thanks for all your posts, I also do look young for my age and because I work part time and dh full time I collect the kids and drop them off at school so think some of the mums have jumped to the conclusion that I don't work or that I am a single mum, but I honestly don't care now what people think just annoys me how they think they can comment on my life because I am younger than them!

your age is totally irrelevant, if you're a good mum then you're a good mum.

If you're a crap mum you will be crap wether you're in you 20's or 30's

"If you're a crap mum you will be crap wether you're in you 20's or 30's". I disagree.

That is not to say obviously that people can't be good parents when they are younger, (and by younger I think younger than 21. But I do think that as people age they gain greater experience of life, and that reflects in the way they parent their children. (not necessarily good or bad but different).

I honestly believe that i would have been a different type of parent had I had a baby at 18 as opposed to when I was 28.

Ha ha wannaBe I'm crap now pushing 40 to our 3 and would have been crap 20 years ago too!!

Seriously, it's noone else's business - lots of people gave us their (unwanted) comments about having our no 3 - it almost seems like you get beyond 2 and it panics people. They're twats, let it go over your head - they're just jealous of your lovely scrummy babies!

Other mums with 3+ kids say they get the same all the same dad question too - why not just nod and say sweetly "yes, are yours?"

I am different though, I agree, quite right [humble emoticon] - but I suppose for me, it doesn't matter which way round, just try to enjoy it and do the best you can. Pip pip!

YANBU

I hate being judged because of my age. I had DS 1 at 19 (normal 50/100 years ago!) and you are seen as a failure somehow. When HVs come round I get the urge to say this house is ours not council, but then think frig it, judge away -whether it's council or mortgaged doesn't make me a better/worse mum. Got asked alot this time if DS1 & 2 have the same dad too. Alot of people ask 'are you going to work now?' too... like spending 4 years getting a degree, work abit then be a SAHM makes it more acceptable. DH works - I am a 'full time mother', not a failure. Grrr. I see children as blessings, I am not going to take my fertility for granted. I see my sort of cut off for children at 40, which leaves a whole 25 years to 'have a career'.

Agree with SEA/Custy - as long as you can support them, have as many as you like

I am 21 and preg with number 2. DD is only 9 months old and we had not been married long when we had her and fell pregnant when she was 6months old. Yes I wil get a lot of comments but who cares!?

You're reasonable, 4 seems a lot to me but I've left it too late to have that choice anyway (1st at 37, 2nd due at 39.

I'm slightly taken aback actually that some posters on here have continued on the same theme: "so long as you support them". Both at the suggestion that you might not be, and that it's the point, really.

Good luck to you.

By cupsoftea on Tue 30-Sep-08 10:24:12
"Yes - you say you don't want to be paying for other peoples children ..."

on the contrary if you are in need i will glady pay - i have been in need popping kids out as a lifestyle choice at the taxpayers expense is hardly needy - ill educated maybe even calculated

"...when they - the other parents..." what other parents - like me you mean tax payers -"... are in fact paying for yours as the welfare state is collective - we all put in an amount & it goes to those in need."

my point is having child after child - is your perogative as long as you pay for it. As long as the benefits system isn't a lifestyle choice

knock yerself out - make your own country

I agree with some of the others.

If you want 4 kids and can financially support that many, then it's fine. People should not be so quick to judge.

Congratulations!. You're right its noone elses business but yours and your hubbies.

Your always going to get someone that can't help themselves though so why not play along with it and say yes 4 different dads...I'm looking to recruit dad number 5 if you know anyone thats interested?..ideally dad number 5 will be able to stay out of jail and keep his willy in his trousers.

You are very blessed, I wish I'd had 4 by your age...I'd be able to put my feet up now!

Congratulations. You seem to have it all sorted!
I think lots of people comment when you have more than 2 - and I've decided they're all jealous.

i'm 24 and pregnant with my third so i know exactly where you're coming from.

all 3 were planned and very much loved and wanted.

dp is 28 and we made a decision to have our kids young so we could have a life after kids, waiting 10 years to them possibly find out we had fertility problems and might have to wait even longer just seemed mad to us and i'm glad we've done things the way we have.

i'm 24 and pregnant with my third so i know exactly where you're coming from.

all 3 were planned and very much loved and wanted.

dp is 28 and we made a decision to have our kids young so we could have a life after kids, waiting 10 years to them possibly find out we had fertility problems and might have to wait even longer just seemed mad to us and i'm glad we've done things the way we have.

whoops, i'm repeating myself now!

Are you serious? The people who said those things are just down right rude. I was miffed when someone asked me if my 3rd child was planned.GRRRRR.

I started young and am few years older than you, how do people knoe how you'll cope?ffs - tell them to buzz off.

I have just read this thread and can't believe people are talking in terms of have as many as you want as long as we don't have to pay for them. The OP is from working family - why bring it up? Just sounds like jealousy. TBH I know loads of people who wish they could have more than a couple but won't because their DP's don't want/because of money etc.

And its alright saying that you don't want to pay for other people's kids but nobody can be stopped from having kids wether on benefits or not so you will be paying for them as I will. LOL.