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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

or rather, is this woman being unreasonable about 2 boys fighting

42 replies

nametaken · 29/09/2008 14:24

my friends son and another boy had a fight in the playground yesterday. They are always fighting these 2 boys, if not with each other, then with other boys.

Anyway, my friends son broke the other boys nose with a punch.

The other boys parents have told my friend that they expect their son to be be compensated financially for the distress and that they consider £500 to be a reasonable amount. They have said if my friend won't pay compensation then they will involve the police.

When the police are involved in all probability my friends son will receive a police caution which will go on his record and affect his future career prospects.

My friend thinks this is blackmail. The other parents think it's reasonable. I don't know what to think.

What do you think?

OP posts:

falcon · 29/09/2008 14:25

How old are they?

TheArmadillo · 29/09/2008 14:25

blackmail.

Either you want to report it to the police or you don't.

They are just using it as a way of getting money out of hte parents.

What exactly is the money going to give them?

HOw old are the boys?

Twiglett · 29/09/2008 14:26

would they not both receive a caution though? Witnesses to fighting and all that?

EffiePerine · 29/09/2008 14:26

how old?

£500 privately for compensation v v dodgy IMO

Tell them to go to the police if they're worried - can't see them getting an offical caution for a playground fight

Tamarto · 29/09/2008 14:26

How old are the boys?

I think it shows how much of a compensation culture we have become.

The parents who want compo are out of order imo.

alicet · 29/09/2008 14:26

I think this is blackmail. An appalling way to behave and a terrible example to set to your children.

Boys fight. Let them sort it out among themselves ffs!

alicet · 29/09/2008 14:27

Not saying I'd be delighted i ds got a broken nose. Just think this is a terible way to behave to try and extort money like this. Actually quite angry about it!

Carmenere · 29/09/2008 14:27

I think that the parents who are demanding the money are on dodgy legal ground Not to mind teaching their son a very dodgy moral lesson. If the injury was that bad, then involve the police as the boy who threw the punch needs a lesson too.

FioFio · 29/09/2008 14:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

coppertop · 29/09/2008 14:27

Have the other parents not considered the possibility that their own son could also end up with a police caution (depending on age etc)? A broken nose wouldn't make him exempt from charges of assault against your friend's son.

wannaBe · 29/09/2008 14:28

good god.

How old are these children?

I think that fighting is wrong. I think that punching someone and breaking their nose is wrong, totally. But I equally think that demanding compensation is completely wrong, and yes, I think it's blackmail. If I were the parents of the other child I would call their bluff. Then would contact the police and get in there first and tell them about what's been going on.

Tbh while I think that fighting is totally wrong, I do also think that it's not all that uncommon, and that the police are unlikely to take it all that seriously - the boys in question will most likely get a talking to, and if both were fighting they're both in the wrong so would both receive a caution.

tissy · 29/09/2008 14:29

definitely blackmail

I think your friend should go to the police herself, report the blackmail attempt, and acall their bluff.

Doubt if the police would go as far as a caution, but even if they did, doubt it would have any serious long-term effect on his career prospects. Aren't cautions automatically wiped after a certain amount of time if there's no more trouble?

pinkmama · 29/09/2008 14:31

Unless things have changed a lot since I left Youth Offending, I the most he would get would be a reprimand, or final warning. Neither of which will affect his career.

I think the compensation thing is rather iffy tbh x

Charlee · 29/09/2008 14:32

What tossers!
People will claim compensation for anything these days you could fart near someone and they would claim for personal losses.

[charlee is bitter due to being finacialy drained due to compensation which she feels was not deserved]

They are young boys, boys fight sometimes and yes one of them got injusred but that in itself maybe punishment enough for both of them, when i was young i would have been mortified if i had hurt someone badly enough to brak something!

Just a way of leeching money off someone imo.

cory · 29/09/2008 14:35

They should first report the other parents for blackmail.

Then give their son a dire warning about the consequences of ever fighting in the playground again (most schools are very strict about this, so it wouldn't just be them being overprecious).

ephrinedaily · 29/09/2008 14:36

It's all very well to say it's just two boys fighting but that doesn't make it nothing- are they both the same age? How old are they? What did the school do? Why are they always fighting? Are you sure neither of them is being bullied by the other?

My friend got his nose broken by another boy at school. The other boy was older and bigger than him and it was totally unprovoked (girl involved). His parents went to the police. The boy was cautioned for assault...my friend then got a few grand from the Criminal Injuried Compensation Authority used for plastic surgery to reset nose. What would happen if the parents of this boy sued in the civil courts?

Yes they're being unreasonable and should just go to the police but the consequences of them going to the police may not be as simple as you think. Find out what the school have said/done first.

LazyLinePainterJane · 29/09/2008 14:36

Well, I would say that if they are old enough to receive a caution, then they are old enough for their parents to start taking responsibility for the fighting and stop just brushing it off as two mates having a tiff.

Do not bow to the compensation though.

Original poster

nametaken · 29/09/2008 14:36

the boys are both 12 and about the same size. The parents asking for the £500 don't need the money they are arguing that their son has suffered terrible pain and £500 would go some way towards elliviating that pain.

I'll tell my friend about the boy receiving a caution also, I bet they just haven't thought about that.

It just seems to me as though they think that because he lost the fight, he should win something else instead ie, 500 squid.

I can't make up my mind if they are nutty or very logical - most puzzling.

OP posts:

FioFio · 29/09/2008 14:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

nametaken · 29/09/2008 14:37

just to clarify, it wasn't the school playground, just a playground in the local park

OP posts:

Carmenere · 29/09/2008 14:39

Like anything that appears on your record at 12 is going to affect future wrk prospects FFS, pathetic. Tell them to bog off and call the police, I'm sure the police will be delighted to mediate.

pickie · 29/09/2008 14:39

what do they gain by going to the police? Nothing... I bet it is an empty threat

coppertop · 29/09/2008 14:40

Is there a community policeman your friend could speak to? IME they are usually pretty good at sorting out disputes etc without having to make it too official IYSWIM.

tissy · 29/09/2008 14:41

12!

If the other boys nose has been broken, and needs to be straightened, it will be done on the NHS in the next few days. As for £500 taking his pain away ....

lololol

Tell your friend to go to the Police herself, and pre-empt any report by the other family.

mrsruffallo · 29/09/2008 14:42

nametaken, get the police involved.
I don't think what happens at 12 is permenenetly on your criminal record and therefopre will not influence his career at all.
I think the fact they are threatening 500 pounds OR the police seems very dodgy to me.

I would apologise, but draw the line at financial compensation

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