Please help me with this letter to DH and tell me if any of these points are unreasonable

[totallypeedoff]

Ok, to set the scene - DS is 8 weeks old, been mixed feeding him on Dr's advice (don't ask - big mistake) for 6 weeks.

DH has been gradually getting on my wick with the way we share caring for DS. I'm sure this is a bit of an old chestnut but this weekend he really upset me and I'm still pissed off so thought I should tell him really. I can't face an argument though, I really can't. So I'm going to put it in a letter. Please can you tell me if any of these points are unreasonable as I just want to get to the stage where things are fair.

Dear DH,

I'm afraid I'm still a little bit upset with you after Friday night. I know we hadn't made an arrangement long in advance that you would get up with DS the first time he woke that night. I understand now that you were confused about the arrangement we made but instead of arguing with me about it while the baby lay crying I don't think it would have taken much for you to recognise that I could have done with the break and just gone and fed him.

I know you work full time but I try my very hardest not to disturb you when he wakes in the night, and I don't ask you to do anything for him in the night. For the first time in 8 weeks I thought I had a chance to sleep through while you fed him but you refused and started an argument.

I understand that you are finding new fatherhood hard. I find it hard being a parent as well but I have to be honest with you - the hardest parts for me have been pregnancy, childbirth, getting up in the night and breastfeeding. I accept that you've tried to support me through these things, and that watching the birth was understandably distressing.

However, you don't seem to acknowledge that
these are things that I have to deal with alongside the general day to day care of our child. I amsick of arguing the toss with you over who's turn it is to change a nappy.

I'm fed up of you claiming that it's not your turn to give him a bottle as you gave him one 6 hours ago despite the fact that I've been breastfeeding him for 3 hours in the interrim.

You seem to be determined to split the load down the middle without acknowledging the many hours a day I spend feeding him and the broken nights that I spend with him.

This probably doesn't sound like much to me you but it is making me feel as though I am increasingly on my own.

I do appreciate the other things you do, especially the cooking. But please could you try to be more supportive and involved.

Sorry, v long...

abbie, I'm nicking your ideas for discussion points with my DH!

Try just telling him what he needs to do in a laid-back kind of way. I only really stopped pussy-footing around my DH earlier this year and our DD has just turned 4! In fairness he worked shifts so did have her during the day sometimes while I was at work and pulls his weight with domestic stuff (well, the stuff that suits him). But his social life has been largely unaffected by parenthood and I very rarely got a break or lie in.

He stopped doing shifts about 4/5 months ago and I'm currently a SAHM having been made redundant, so now I tell at bedtime on a Fri/Sat night 'You're on duty in the morning', and he might have a little grumble occasionally but he drags his carcass out of bed at 6am and gets on with it .

He doesn't work evenings now either so I'm finally getting a social life again.

It is really hard in the beginning though, but it really does get better - it's just difficult to imagine when you're going through it. Good luck.