Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to be in a bit of bother about dh's best friend coming onto me???

21 replies

reluctanttemptress · 27/09/2008 20:22

Ok, so this is the situation: we were out together the other night, dh & me, dh's bf with wife, and we'd all been drinking quite a bit (except dh's bf's wife who was driving). About halfway through the evening, my dh and the wife went up to get food and drinks, leaving me and bf. Anyway, we were just sort of chatting a bit, and he was commenting on how nice I looked, which was fine, and then it sort of got a bit more no, I mean you're looking really fantastic and sexy etc and then there was some v. intense eye contact with me thinking OMFG WTF IS GOING ON HERE??? and he sort of leaned in and I think would have kissed me had I not quickly picked up my drink and started rambling about god knows what.

Awkward moments followed, until dh and wife got back. Rest of evening was ok, I just avoided any direct eye contact!

And now, I'm not really sure what to do, if anything. I know that they've had a bit of an on-off relationship but never managed to quite split up. Then a couple of years ago she got pregnant, and he adores his son, so we just assumed that was that and they'd stay together. They seem very settled.

Anyway, should I tell my dh? Would it achieve anything? Should I bring it up with the bf? I'm not particularly close to his wife, she's not my friend as such, so I'm not sure it would be my place to tell her something like that... oh god, what a stupid situation. Doing nothing seems not quite right either, apart from anything else, he was coming onto his best friend's wife!!

What do you all think??

(Have name changed as think the wife might sometimes be on here)

OP posts:

ethanchristopher · 27/09/2008 20:28

nah i dont think it would acheive anything telling your husband

if he had kiss you it may be different

just let it go

noonki · 27/09/2008 20:28

I would tell your DH as you have nothing to hide,

but wouldn't tell her

and then avoid them

traceybath · 27/09/2008 20:29

Is is possible you were reading more into the situation?

I personally wouldn't say anything as he was flirting but nothing actually happened.

However i would perhaps avoid them for a bit.

foxinsocks · 27/09/2008 20:32

oh god definitely don't tell his wife

he'd been drinking a bit, YOU'D been drinking a bit, he got a bit overenthusiastic. Probably feels a pillock today if he can even remember. If you were pissed, you may have interpreted it a bit wrong too.

Original poster

reluctanttemptress · 27/09/2008 20:34

I suspect that if I told dh, he would be FURIOUS and that would be the end of that friendship.

We see them fairly regularly, so to try and avoid them would mean I'd have to tell dh.

On a related note, when do you think it goes beyond "just" flirting? This definitely did not feel like harmless fun to me...

OP posts:

foxinsocks · 27/09/2008 20:35

not that I'm saying you got it wrong - is a shitty feeling though

foxinsocks · 27/09/2008 20:38

nothing happened and you didn't want it to I assume

I'd just leave it

he's not your friend so you won't be expected to have much to do with him (on your own).

if you want to say anything or you are worried about it being awkward, you'll have to wait till you're on your own with him and tell him you found it inappropriate.

I'd almost certainly just write it off though (to drink and a bit of silliness).

Also, I wonder if you are concerned because you didn't give him a clear message there and then (like what the fuck are you up to).

ethanchristopher · 27/09/2008 20:38

goes beyond flirting when you kiss or something more?

its kind of obvious

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/09/2008 20:42

sounds as if he had a bit too much to drink and was being a plonker

not worth causing trouble by telling your dh, as he is likley to flip (know mine would), prob go and thump BF and then his wife would find out

see how he behaves next time

ajandjjmum · 27/09/2008 21:01

I would just tell your dh that he makes you feel 'uncomfortable' - nothing specific - but that you'd rather not be left alone with him.

S1ur · 27/09/2008 21:08

I'd put it down to drinking.

And ignore, if it happens again slap him down.

(though not literally)

ninah · 27/09/2008 21:15

leave it. No need for hints to dh about 'being uncomfortable', I'm sure it's nothing you can't deal with.

StalledandStranded · 27/09/2008 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Whoopee · 27/09/2008 21:24

God, how awkward. If it were me I wouldn't say anything, because he doesn't sound very trustworthy and you don't know what he'd say. Nothing happened, and I'd just avoid being alone with the guy in future.

If you do end up stuck alone with him again and he comes onto you a second time, just say politely that you're flattered but in love with your husband, play it right down and move on.

It sounds like things could be better between the two of them and one day he might successfully get off with another woman, but you've made it clear it's not going to be you. Don't let it turn into your problem.

oops · 27/09/2008 21:25

Message withdrawn

ninah · 27/09/2008 21:27

pmsl at stalled and stranded dh's mate!

Blondeshavemorefun · 27/09/2008 21:42

slur - if he does try again, would DEF slap him

tbh bet he is an embarassed as you prob are

Reluctant - have you not ever made a tit of yourself when drunk? I know I have (though can honestly say I have never made a pass at hubbys friends) or any man at that point

BuwchBywiog · 27/09/2008 22:28

He may well have woken up with a huge hangover and be very embarrased, if he does it again though throw your drink over him and slap him

TheHedgeWitch · 27/09/2008 22:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

babyelephant · 27/09/2008 22:47

Would probably do nothing (nothing really to tell) except make mental note to keep some distance and avoid them for a while, esp when its just the four of you.

The only thing is that if the BF does it again and becomes a little bit annoying, it will be difficult to say something to DH about it in retrospect without it looking odd.

At most I would consider dropping something casually into a general conversation about the restaurant/bar/when you should next go out for a meal, like "Ooh, BF gets a bit sentimental and complimentary after a few beers doesn't he!"

It's non-specific and shouldn't upset any apple carts subtley done, but it might create a "loophole" to refer to just in case of more annoying incidences.

Then you could say to DH "I told you BF has seemed a bit over-friendly before didn't I".

As for Mister Man himself, I would do nothing until any further incidence when I would say, laughingly but FIRMLY and looking him in the eye "hahaha. Leave it out why don't you?" If he carries on OR acts all innocent just say "Scuse me" and get up and go to the loo/bar. Cut him off.

babyelephant · 27/09/2008 22:50

Or say to BF if there's a next time "Oh look. I see (BF wife) is looking at you right now" (even if she's not there!! Even more effective).

Flip