Because DTD1 sure thinks i am, she is in tears and i really don't know what to do!

[GodzillasBumcheek]

Basically, DTD2 had a (short) play on the laptop last night, and apparently DTD1 asked if she could have a go, and was told no. She was on the laptop herself tonight and had had more time than her sister, so DTD2 asked if she could have a quick go.

As you may expect, loud argument ensued, and DTD2 was told she can have a go tomorrow night. They carried on arguing, and i said that if they can't stop messing about DTD1 should get off the laptop and they will both be banned from it except for homework.

DTD1 to my extreme surprise, instead of shutting up, closed the internet window, intent on logging off! I told her to stop being silly and she should just stop arguing and carry on playing - that was what i expected anyway. So she complained about it, as though i had told her to switch off.

I was thoroughly annoyed by this time and answered that if she's that daft (yes i know it wasn't a nice thing to say) she can blardy well switch it off then. She then stormed off crying, and i am torn between feeling bad that i've upset her, and not wanting to go back on what i've said because i feel justified...so, AIBU?

Not easy being a referee is it? I suppose YABU to criticize DD1 for logging off because that's what you asked her to do! However I too have 2 DDs and it's very hard trying to keep everyone happy. Don't beat yourself up - go and talk to each of them separately and try to reach an agreement re: the laptop.

There's no shame in admitting you can make a mistake - good lesson for them to learn.

Not much help for today - but get an egg timer (preferably one with sand) - visible reminder of sharing

& remember that the chinese pictogram for Trouble is 2 women under one roof - you have (at least) 3

Erm...i didn't actually say log off, i said log off 'if you can't stop arguing' - did she really want me to ban her from using the laptop at all (as that was what would happen if they didn't stop)?

LOL @ the 2 women under one roof. There's also DD3 but she's only 21 months!

What's a DTD? Apologies for my ignorance.

Anyway, if I was DTD1, maybe 1 would rather have used the laptop at a quieter time when 2 wasn't arguing with me. I hate having to argue to use my computer.

(The only person I have to argue with is my 23-month daughter, who just wants to look at pictures of horses/sheep/cats on Google Images all day, and I often give up.)

It is kind of unfair to give her a choice of two options and then call her silly for picking one of them. But I only have one child, so I can ony imagine how hard it must be having two, arguing, and I get exasperated by far less than that.

darling twin daughter?

It wasn't a choice tho' was it? It was a threat - I agree she was daft - but children (esp girls) are

DD & I react ike this all the time & she is only 10 - god help us when she is a teenager

Yes, Darling Twin Daughter. They are 11 and very hormonal.

Thing is, the two choices were:

'Shut up, ignore your sister and carry on playing'
or
'Log off and both be banned from playing it ever'.

I have no option on the arguing as unfortunately, the laptop and the tv are in the same room (no option there either)!

I think they just hear parts of what you say - usually the bits that make you seem unreasonable (bit like men really)

Oh OK sorry - I read it wrong. I thought you'd said, if you can't stop arguing, turn off the laptop. I failed to connect the "and be banned from it forever" bit, so I thought maybe your daughter had just chosen to turn it off instead of stop arguing.

Sorry for my misunderstanding. I'm slightly frazzled from a long day with my own daughter and my brain has fallen out of my ear.

If you feel bad for upsetting her, give her a kiss, make up. I think the egg-timer suggestion from KatyMac is a really good idea to stop it happening again.

The thing about the Chinese pictogram for "trouble" is hilarious. I might look it up on the Internet and put it on my wall.

Hopefully she has cheered up and the whole thing will be forgotten anyway. I was never angry enough to permanently ban them. And i went upstairs (they are in bed now) and tickled DTD1s feet under the bedclothes to dispel any ill feeling . Well it worked, she stopped being miserable to giggle so that's something!

To prevent arguments over computers, the only solution is to have one per child and one per adult. Or do I mean one per person? Invest in a wireless router and parental controls.

The upside is that everyone can stay in separate rooms until the children are 18 and have left home ...

Really hope you are kidding, Quattro - we have the tv and the laptop in the same room because normally there aren't any arguments (possibly some slight disagreements, but that's as far as it goes!), and it means most evenings we spend as a family together, rather than off in separate rooms alone!

best thing is to rota computer time and stick to it any arguing no computer time etc they will soon learn when its there time and any argumemnts you lose the privalige

problem with rotas is if e.g. DTD1 doesnt want to use it in her slot then DTD2 will use it and suddenly DTD1 will want to use it cue argument

also homework, one may have homework needing doing on the computer but it isnt her slot e.t..c

could you ask when they come home who has computer homework and say they get to go first any arguments then neither use it and homework wont get done

if they dont want to use it on there slot then they dont use it maybe then they will learn to be fair i had twin brother and we battled over things like this but we learnt as my mum and dad stuck to there guns and we knew we would miss out and we did as we were told

one of us was removed from the other mind you no going near the other until it was our time

They up to now have both had the same homework, which if i do it right (and can remember who went first last time) means they take turns to start off, and therefore turns to have time on it afterward.

Unfortunately it's not so straightforward, as sometimes the homework takes longer, so there isn't time afterwards.

Sounds like your DDs are about to hit puberty, poor you!!
I would have a timer and limit per day if they have done chores/HW. This way it is the fault of the timer and/or dtd who plays and for how long. First one to finish chores and/or HW gets first dibs on PC.
TBH at this age your damned if you do and damned if you don't.
Ifthere isn't time then tough, life is not always perfect and fair. Besides the laptop is a treat not part of everyday needs.
With 11 year old (?) dtds I think you may be in for a few hard years.... you'll come through the other end!!

Quattros idea is a good one, but doesn't enforce the idea of sharing!!!!

They hit the big P about a year ago!

Anyway, as i said, we usually manage ok, it was just last night. I will probably have to start keeping a laptop/console diary of the amount of time each DD spends on a machine, and whose turn it is next!

At one point, they couldn't get washed, clean teeth and get into bed without arguing and fighting, so i had to mark on the calendar whose turn it was to go up first each night

Godzilla, I send you strength and wish you well!!! Perhaps you could put the responsibility onto them to keep a diary of time on laptop...anyone caught cheating and they're banned for a week??

What often worked with my sister and me was - sort it out in the next 5 mins or neither or the computer is out of bounds until tomorrow...

and we would have to sort it out letting our poor mum of from being a referee

Well I was kidding but many a true word I hate refereeing so my way of enforcing no arguments was for them both to have a separate PC and not to allow them to use ours. Their time on their PCs is restricted ...