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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to get rid of my son's new kitten

34 replies

susia · 24/09/2008 22:41

I feel completely miserable about this, I don't know what to do.

We have an older cat (3 years old) and she has been so happy with us but 2 weeks ago I got my son a kitten for him and I thought company for the other cat.

I followed the advice about introducing them slowly etc but my older cat hates the kitten and now will barely come in the house. I have to keep them completely separate and the older cat will only come in if the kitten is shut in an upstairs bedroom.

It can't go on like this. My older cat is really unhappy but my son loves the kitten. I feel I must get rid of the kitten but my son will be so unhappy. I will give it a bit longer and am seeing the vet at the weekend for advice but have a suspicion that we will have to get rid of the kitten.

OP posts:
Original poster
susia · 24/09/2008 22:42

maybe I should get rid of the older cat but I would feel so guilty

OP posts:
noddyholder · 24/09/2008 22:42

One of my cats did this Stayed out for about a week but came round eventually although they were never friends really

Original poster
susia · 24/09/2008 22:43

thankyou for replying. She will only come in now if she is really hungry and then I lock the cat flap so she is in for the night.

OP posts:
WigWamBam · 24/09/2008 22:45

Cats don't often like company in the form of new cats. They are very territorial, and the new cat is an intruder on his patch.

Sad situation for you all though.

Original poster
susia · 24/09/2008 22:47

I know, I wish I hadn't got him. It's too late now and I don't know what to do.

OP posts:
TheRealMrsJohnSimm · 24/09/2008 22:48

Poor you. I hope you don't have to make the decision to re-home either cat. As noddy says, they may settle down given time. Have you tried one of those hormone-release things you can get from the vet? Not sure of the specifics but you can get a particular gadget that plugs into a regular socket which releases hormones or some such into the air and aids relaxation in stressed cats. I have heard very positive things about them. Talk to your vet.

alicet · 24/09/2008 22:48

I have had this although before I had the boys - I was in tears to my then boyfriend about having to give the kitten away because older cat didn't like it.

they get used to it. Try this Feliway diffuser - it sends out cat 'pheromones' ythat you can't smell. I have moved house and they haven't turned a hair so I think there's probably something in it. No harm in trying anyway.

Stick it out. They will learn to tolerate each other even if they are never best friends

alicet · 24/09/2008 22:49

cross posted therealmrsjohnsimm - that is what I have linked to...

TheRealMrsJohnSimm · 24/09/2008 22:51

Thanks for clarifying that alice! Hormones......pheromones.......whatever!!!!

tudorrose · 24/09/2008 22:52

This happened to us too, it took a while for the older cat to get used to the kitten but he did eventually. It took a few months to be honest and they were never really friends but they didnt fight either. They just tolerated each other.

alicet · 24/09/2008 22:52

Some bit of plug in magic that makes your cats chill!

alicet · 24/09/2008 22:53

My cats were (are) the same as tudorrose. Unfortunately I didn't know about said plug-in cat-chilling device when they were introduced. But it worked a treat when I moved house!

Original poster
susia · 24/09/2008 22:57

I have got the plug in thing and so far it hasn't worked. If I thought it might get tolerable i.e. the older cat wouldn't leave home I would put up with it but if anything she is getting worse

OP posts:
ClairePO · 24/09/2008 23:05

'maybe I should get rid of the older cat but I would feel so guilty'

Please if you have to choose keep your older cat. A younger cat will get rehomed much quicker and it is very cruel to throw out your older cat because she doesn't want to share her home. Poor love.

Original poster
susia · 24/09/2008 23:06

I got the kitten as a part birthday present and because my son was doing so well at school. I said to him that if things don't improve we may have to get a new home for the kitten. He said 'if you do that I'll cry and cry and cry' He's only 5, I feel like I made such a bad mistake. I have offered a hamster but obviously not interested.

OP posts:
Original poster
susia · 24/09/2008 23:07

I know I can't get rid of the older cat really. It's just my son who will be so upset that is so upsetting about it all.

OP posts:
ShyBaby · 24/09/2008 23:14

Its only two weeks, give them chance. Ive had a lot of cats and some took ages to get used to a new kitten. Are you still giving the older cat lots of fuss?

Original poster
susia · 24/09/2008 23:18

thankyou. I try to give her lots of attention but she is very upset and won't have much to do with me.

One of the dilemnas I have is as the kitten isn't allowed out that when I'm out in the day (not every day) I shut the older cat in the kitchen with access to the garden (where she is nearly all the time now) and the kitten in the rest of the house. This seems really unfair on the older cat but the alternative is shutting the kitten in a small bedroom for the whole day as he can't be in the same room as the cat flap in case he gets out.

Then when I get in, if I can get her in, I lock the cat flap so they are both in the house.

Whatever I do doesn't seem right.

OP posts:
Original poster
susia · 24/09/2008 23:32

.

OP posts:
ShyBaby · 25/09/2008 00:12

Oh they will get used to it, its not forever. I have six cats. In the day they have two rooms to lounge around in with access to the cat flap. The kitten has the living room at the mo. But when im back from work they can all go wherever they like.

VictorianSqualor · 25/09/2008 00:17

They're cats, the rooms they get makes little difference, they'll get used to it, honestly.

How about a large dog cage with a litter tray for the kitten in the kitchen so they get more used to it?

cutekids · 25/09/2008 01:40

Please don't don't get rid of the older cat.
In fact,if you're tolerant,you'll find that they will get used to each other.They probably won't be the best of mates, but they will have respect for each other...eventually.Please give them both a chance...there's far too many unhomed cats as it is.

LazyLinePainterJane · 25/09/2008 08:29

It is not important that they become friends, just that they can be in the same house. Our cats are brother and sister, we got them at the same time and once they hit adulthood they decided that they hated each other and it has been that way ever since. When they were small they slept together in a shoe box and these days they fight like cat and cat

I would give it more time, and whilst your kitten is not allowed outside, give it less space in the house, allowing your older cat the run of the place making him feel as if he is in charge. Once the kitten is a little bigger, the cat will be able to show that he is in charge.

idontbelieveit · 25/09/2008 08:43

Hi, I introduced a kitten and had the same problems. What worked for us was to keep the kitten in a bedroom for 2 weeks (they're so small they don't mind the lack of space). The older cat knew she was there but still had her own territory.

I would feed both cats either side of the door and put catnip and treats either side as well, gradually opening the door a crack after a few days.
The next step was to swap the cats for a couple of hours so they got to smell each other without being threatened and also to rub the kitten's bedding around the furniture in the rest of the house to transfer scent. Whenever you stroke one cat then go and rub the scent onto the other cat. After 2 weeks try letting the kitten out while the older cat is there, don't fuss the kitten, ignore it and you may start to see slow progress. you might need to spend longer with the kitten separate but this will also help teh kitten feel secure if it has a room in the house.
Hope this helps a bit. Our old cat absolutely hated the kitten at first but now they sleep together and wash each other and are very sweet. good luck.

idontbelieveit · 25/09/2008 08:45

The feliway does help as well.

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