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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not want to make my DS do more work at home

17 replies

bigTillyMint · 23/09/2008 12:25

DS(7 - just into Y3) is not keen on doing work - he thinks lots of school is boring (and doesn't attempt to hide his feelings ). His teacher, quite rightly, feels he is not performing as well as she thinks he could, especially with written work. She is lovely and very enthusiastic, and I do not think that the work is really boring, but just that DS can't see the point of it all. He is a very lively boy and loves sports, etc. Plus he is incredibly competitive and proud, and I do think he is realising that others are better at it than him, so using other strategies to hide his inadequacies.

The crux is, DH wants us (read me!) to do more work with him at home. I feel that getting him to do his school homework is bad enough, and that he should be able to be active or just relax at home.

Am I being unreasonable?!

OP posts:

laweaselmys · 23/09/2008 12:36

If he really hates school he's not going to turn around and suddenly like it on his own.

I understand that your 7 year old doesn't see the point of school, but surely you do! At this age they're laying down the foundations of all the rest of his learning. If he doesn't settle down and learn it properly he will struggle a lot more with later things.

It is worth the effort to spend the time with him at home to try and help him be more interested in learning. The 1 to 1 time with him could also point out if it's not just that he's bored but that he's struggling with a particular area and trying to hide it. (Kids do this a lot.)

IMO you are being unreasonable. Help him!

AMumInScotland · 23/09/2008 12:37

I don't think being made to do more of it is going to motivate him. Better maybe to concentrate on the school homework and make sure it gets done properly and he gives it his full attention. Which is probably a big enough battle!

Sanctuary · 23/09/2008 12:40

It doès`nt have to be sit down at the table kind of work -You can do some with games make it FUN

DaphneMoon · 23/09/2008 12:44

They have been on about this homework lark on the news, saying that kids, expecially primary school should not get it at all. I must say that I agreed with Fiona Phillps when she said that all her arguments with her son are about homework. I was trying to get my DS to do his last night. He gets Maths and English on a Monday which has to be in on Friday. I am trying to teach him that by getting it all done on one night means it does not have to do a bit every night. I am also trying to get him to understand that eventually he will not have a week to do it in! He is quite good at doing it and always sees the benefit of having done it straight away, however at his age (8) I really don't feel it is of any benefit. Perhaps next year when he is in year 5 and cramming for his 11+, but is it really necessary for 8 year olds and under to have to do more work at home. A little reading every night is good but the rest a waste of time. They should be enjoying themselves.

DaphneMoon · 23/09/2008 12:46

Have you tried rewarding him for doing extra work though if you really feel he needs it to catch up with his friends?

Sanctuary · 23/09/2008 12:53

I agree with you Daphnemoon my ds is 8 and the amount of homework is way toooooo much.
They have it every night (have a week to hand it in)
Again like you we do it when we get it otherwise sitting down on the weekend would take up the whole day

Original poster

bigTillyMint · 23/09/2008 12:56

DM, DH suggested rewarding him for doing more work.... perhaps I should go and ask his teacher what he needs to work on most. TBH, I think he just doesn't get on with it - he can read and write OK, but does the bare minimum, so what he needs to do is enjoy doing it.

How the heck do I get him to think it is enjoyable?!

OP posts:

nooka · 23/09/2008 13:10

I don't think that there is much point in just making him "do more work". You need to consider precisely what work would be helpful. Otherwise you will end up fighting with him at home for little purpose. Go and talk to his teacher about where (if anywhere) he is struggling. What you are describing sounds very normal for a seven year old boy - handwriting is not going to be the top of his priorities. But it will probably come in time.

My children (just turned 7 and 9) have at least an hour homework every night (and at the weekends too), and it really eats into our evenings. I'm not sure of the benefit, although we do get a better insight into what they are learning at school. It's just the way things are in the US (we live in NYC) but I am looking forward to taking some of the pressure off when we move on. It would be a major problem if we were both working though, as making the time to do it would be hard, and it's not my idea of what I enjoy doing with the children.

Sanctuary · 23/09/2008 13:17

he might like books like horrid henry or captain underpants .
My ds has just started doing the library at school so he reads me however many pages from his reading book and I read the same amount out of his library book thats he chose himself.
At the moment its Tudors he loves it.So will read more pages to me than usual so I will do the same .....

Standing over him with a baseball bat does`nt work cos I have tried that myself

DaphneMoon · 23/09/2008 13:31

My DS is learning about Tudors at the moment and seems to be enjoying it. I think they make school more fun and interesting than when I was there. Last year he learnt about world war II and we had some very interesting conversations about Hitler at the tea table!

Homework is a good way of finding out what they are learning about at school, but it causes so much grief at home.

Not sure how you can make it enjoyable though. I was thinking of making a pocket money chart as opposed to a bad/good chart. Every time he does something without me having to ask him to like brush teeth, homework etc he would get a point, these points will be worth let's say 5p each depending on how many things are on the board, then they mount up and they can spend it. Not sure how he will respond to it yet, it is just an idea to make him more independant as he would not do his homework if I did not look in his bag and find it and remind him! He is a little dizzy bless him.

Sanctuary · 23/09/2008 13:39

Ds did world war 2 last yeat as well.But decided to go into detail about it when he got into the car with my friend and her dc telling her all about Hitler .Would`nt of minded but she is german.

Why do they always pick the wrong time to talk about school?????

DaphneMoon · 23/09/2008 13:42

Sanctuary. PMSL, bless em!

Reminds me of Basil Faulty......"Just don't mention the war.. I just did but I think I got away with it......"

Classic!

charmander · 23/09/2008 13:50

do school send home info on what is covered?

try to do visits on stuff he is learning about if possible.

try practising times tables while you throw a ball to each other if he likes physical stuff.

look online for educational games for him to play at home.

read TO him, this can one of the best things you can do for a child.

get him active at home so he can use up his energy and not want to so much in lesson time

education is very femal leadthis days. He needs a good male role model - point this out to DH

if someone hates their job they don't want to come home and do their job again, so why should kids - in fact lots of people who love their jobs don't want to come home and do it again.

DaphneMoon · 23/09/2008 13:54

Hey I like the times tables one Charmander, I am trying to get my DS to learn his, it's like pulling teeth at the moment. I'm going to try that one.

charmander · 23/09/2008 14:01

it is supposed to be good for kineasthetic (wrong spelling) learners.

nooka · 23/09/2008 14:15

I think homework is a bit odd in principle. We were given the school's homework policy once when dh made a fuss about ds getting punished for not doing his (dh said we should be punished, not ds). It included statements bout "getting ready for work". Where I work we have policies about work/life balance. Taking work home is not encouraged! and in any case do we really need to prepare seven year olds for work?

Original poster

bigTillyMint · 23/09/2008 15:11

Sanctuary - that's just what we do with reading, and DS1 also LOVES anything to do with WW1 and 2 and often plays it with his friends (being evacuated as well as the trenches....!)

Agree totally Charmander (this is what we do!), and to be fair, DH is a good role model and DS adores him. They ar 2 peas in a pod though, DH was the same at school, and still goes for the least effort option as far as work is concerned. But he is very successful in his job....

Also, I never had any homework as a child, and very little at sec level either, but got good A'levels, good degree and good career.

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