to ask for an appointment with my son's teacher

[lucy7]

havent met the woman (she's new - wasn't able to attend the meet the teacher session because of work nightmares) but really want to meet her to talk about my son. The school is tiny, not enough classrooms, so operates a split class/year, meaning that they all stay down a year at least once. It's his 'staying down' year and am worried he's not going to be pushed enough but hate to sound like a pushy mum and am worried I will sit there like a gibbering wreck while she thinks Im just a pushy mum - any tips on how to talk to a teacher and not feel like you're 5 again?

YANBU

But there may well be a prearranged time for this kind of chat.There usually is.

Check with school

yes get your point across then listen to her point of view.

ask her what the schools policies are and make sure you come away from the meeting having had all your questions answered even if you have to keep repeating the question

dont let her avoid the questions but equally listen to what she says and dont shout over her

your should get the results easily

YANBU

Just ask for a recap of what was said at the meet the teacher event. If you want to sound older than 5 (and I know exactly what you mean) you could try to 'speak' education, for example by asking how 'differentiated learning' (ie geared to each child's needs) will be provided in a mixed age class. Also, try to convey that you want to work with her to support your child's learning - make it clear that you want to help your child with reading/spelling/whatever and ask her views on how best you can do that.

YANBU at all!
Speaking as a teacher, I think it's perfectly reasonable to ask for this kind of chat. Remember that she is human too, and will understand where you're coming from! If the school does something that deviates from the norm, (and mixed year groups in the same class is not usual) then she probably spends a lot of time explaining this, the issue won't be new to her.
You won't seem like a pushy mum, just a concerned parent, and trust me, most of us wish there were more like you. If you want to make the chat more comfortable, make it clear in advance that you only want to meet as you were unable to attend the scheduled session. She will be worried that you want to make a complaint!

If there are a couple of things I want to say I usually jot them down on a piece of paper as otherwise I have been known to come out of the meeting having not covered something I felt was important

I'm also a great believer in starting the conversation with something positive, e.g. "DS is really enjoing school at the moment" so the teacher knows you're not just there to moan/complain from the start.