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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to expect people to RSVP?

23 replies

angelene · 20/09/2008 22:31

I am supposedly organising DD's first birthday party - she is 3. I have invited 16 kids, the vast majority of which are from nursery, asked them to RSVP by today so I know how many party bags, sandwiches etc to sort.

Current total: 3 kids.

I have had ONE mother from nursery call me to say they couldn't come (so at least I know that the invites have gone in the relevant bags).

Why is it so bloody difficult for them to call me? It's not like I need a Debrett's approved acceptance letter, a text would be more than adequate .

Not really sure what to do now either!

OP posts:

minorbird · 20/09/2008 22:36

Do you see any of the mums day to day, maybe they think they'll see you and let you know? (and then forget, if they're owt like me )

Lindax · 20/09/2008 22:37

Oh I hate it too, same at our nursery, all mums moan about not getting RSVP's but same mums dont send them either!

In the past I have given the staff in ds's room at nursery a list of names that havent given a RSVP and asked them to ask parents when they pick their kids up if they are coming to party or not. Staff we very accomodating and I got all my answers.

Spidermama · 20/09/2008 22:39

This drives me mad but it ALWAYS happens. It's so rude and yet so common.

IME people who don't RSVP generally come.

I always RSVP immediately.

StewiesMom · 20/09/2008 22:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

angelene · 20/09/2008 22:40

I drop DD off pretty much first thing so I don't see any of the other mums - I know a couple a little bit but that's all.

Have thought about giving nursery staff a list and asking them - I'm sure they won't give me phone numbers for me to ring round. I just know DD will be really gutted if her little crew aren't there!

On the plus side there will be more room on the bouncy castle for me if they don't turn up!

OP posts:

BibiThree · 20/09/2008 22:41

Maybe you should set hte table for just the 3 children and make up 3 party bags, then when the others arrive act all sorry and innocent "oh, you didn't say you were coming...oh dear"

BibiThree · 20/09/2008 22:42

obviously i'm joking, i'm not that mean. totally sympathise, it's happened to all dd's parties, v v annoying

Original poster

angelene · 20/09/2008 22:48

Ah, now I get it - I was worried it was me . I always RSVP, it hadn't really occured to me not to.

Thank you very much, this is a great help. I'll give nursery a list on Monday and see if I get some more, then just get a load of sweets for the party bags and see what happens.

Bibi - I have been tempted!

OP posts:

blueshoes · 20/09/2008 22:57

Having sent out 50 invitations for dcs' party, I have 1 week to go and about 6 non-responses, which I thought was oretty good going. Almost everyone I was familiar with replied and those that were late was because the mother thought the father has responded whereas the father thought the mother did. I am going on the basis the 6 are attending as there may be siblings of invitees attending who would make up the difference.

Angelene, I can see that for a smaller party it would be more important to know the exact numbers but then again, it is also easier to chase up non-responses. You have a good plan.

loobeylou · 21/09/2008 00:13

if you are going to do parties get used to it because dd is 8 now and the parents are still as bad. I think it is so rude. It's like they are waiting for a better offer, or to see if the weather looks good and they might be going out. If they were straight and said it depends on work shifts/visiting granny etc, fine, but most people expect you to be mindreaders. Usually no reply means not coming in my experience. Am surprised others say the opposite. That is so rude - I would not re-invite that person!

I also have a pet hate about how so few people send thank yous for wedding/christening presents - I may start a thread on that one!

The worst I had was a neighbour who put the reply through the door an hour before the party saying her 2 dd's could not come. Bloomin good job, I had assumed that, and all the food, party bags, teams etc were all sorted ready to go

loobeylou · 21/09/2008 00:15

Blueshoes - you are having a party for 50 kids??

Have you done this before, you must be brave!!!!!!!

blueshoes · 21/09/2008 10:03

loobylou, I have never done a party for more than a handful of children. But this year I have booked a venue so don't have the same space constraints as in my house. Yes, it is baptism by fire! It is a joint party for dd and ds and because they are 5 and 2, the parents tend to stay and frequently bring siblings as well. I am catering for 50 children and 50 adults and doing the cooking ourselves!

I agree with you that some people do leave it to the last minute to reply (but at least they RSVP-ed) to see if something better comes up - but I can understand that as a chaperoning adult, standing around at a child's party on a weekend can be tedious. I will look out as to whether those who don't RSVP actually turn up and whether any who said they were coming don't actually turn up.

imananny · 21/09/2008 14:11

agree very annoying and just plain bloody rude imo not to rsvp

im organising party for my 3yr next week, and there are still somemums from nursery who havent replied, it pisses me and my MB off

all the nannies have replied [smug look]

bibithree - sorely tempted to do that, truest me!!!

ChubbyDick · 21/09/2008 16:42

I think you are being a little bit unreasonable but only because I didn't RSVP to two parties DS1 was invited to recently. I was in the middle of a miscarriage (at 14 weeks) so phoning up two women I'd never met was the last thing on my mind.

Unlikely that's happening to the 6 you're waiting to hear from - but there might be personal reasons that have meant it has slipped their minds to call.

ethanchristopher · 21/09/2008 16:52

i find it more annoying when people rsvp but then bring along the invited child plus siblings making the food/party bag/games ratios completely wrong

how rude

katch · 21/09/2008 16:53

I'm afraid it carries on all the way through - my 13 y/o had 5 turn up when he'd invited about 20 - I was panicking and buying loads of food which ended up left in the fridge.

When they were at nursery there was always a class list, organised by the class rep, and you could choose whether or not to be on it.

I just used to grit my teeth and phone around when the day got closer.

DrHorrible · 21/09/2008 16:54

Ooh I had a mum that didn't RSVP until the day before, and then she turned up with a sibling.

Oh, and neglected to mention dietary requirements

StewiesMom · 21/09/2008 17:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Oblomov · 21/09/2008 17:07

It is RUDE. I like Lindax's plan. I did that. Easy.

LunarSea · 21/09/2008 17:11

And then you get the ones who say they're coming, but don't atually bother to turn up, or even let you know if there's a valid reason why they can't at the last minute. Which is particularly annoying when you're paying up-front per child. 8 out of 19 who were supposed to be coming to ds1's party did this to us. Next year we're only inviting the ones who actually turned up.

Original poster

angelene · 21/09/2008 20:05

I actually had two parents call me today full of apologies so now I've just got 9 RSVPs to chase up.

Chubby I completely understand what you're saying but the reason I'm is because ELEVEN sets of parents didn't respond by the date I'd put on the invite.

OP posts:

MollyCherry · 23/09/2008 00:18

It's pants - I posted much the same thing on here a couple of weeks a go myself when I had my DD's party (4) and of the 10 we invited from nursery only 3 replied, 1 mum I bumped into and asked and it turned out the rest of them had just left to go to 'big school' so couldn't even chase them up through the nursery. In the end 4 didn't turn up or let me know which wasn't the end of the world but I still think it's bloody rude. DD has decided that she wants a girld only party next year so will be doing something small with kids I know (preferably not at home! ). Good Luck!

imananny · 23/09/2008 21:50

we had our 3yr party today - one mum said no last week, not a problem, rang up this am saying child now wanted to come (said no as he had a club to go to after school, and child wanted to go to club)

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh

major dash for more plates,cups in same design as had 20 now needed 21, and had to do extra party bag, and another layer on pass the parcel

though all went well in end, and all children enjoyed

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