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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think parents whos dc eat well should be glad rather than try to tell other parents that is entirley down to their parenting

39 replies

thescurvysockmonsterofdoom · 19/09/2008 17:06

therefore suggesting that the parent of the child who doesn't eat is crap?
I overheard smeone who is a bit shy at school today talking to another mum and saying her child has no eating problems because she sat him down and told him he had to eat his tea, the other mum was then saying Im too soft I dont know what i am doing etc. it made me really as I remember people doing it to me when dd wouldn't eat, actually she ad coeliacs, was in opain and had veyr bad food associaitions but the amount of people who thought this could be put right by not giving her pudding never failed to amaze me.
I really really felt for this other mum today.
If your kid eats be grateful and dont be smug about it, it does not make you a better person.

OP posts:
RubyRioja · 19/09/2008 17:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lardybump · 19/09/2008 17:16

My dd eats what ever is put in front of her and I am proud of that. It has nothing to do with my parenting however and I do feel grateful for it...

TheCrackFox · 19/09/2008 17:17

YANBU - some people are twats and are best avoided.

I have one fusspot (although massivley improved) and one human dustbin.

lizandlulu · 19/09/2008 17:18

YANBU at all, we share the same views.

StewiesMom · 19/09/2008 17:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

OrmIrian · 19/09/2008 17:20

Agree. I am lucky that mine are fairly easy-going but I know at least 2 mums with this problem and you can see them getting ready to be defensive whenever this subject comes up. Because of the number of times they've had to deal with it - 'he'll eat when he's hungry', 'no child will let himself starve'...wanna bet

AbbeyA · 19/09/2008 17:31

I love it when parents have the 'perfect' first child and sit back smugly thinking they have superior parenting skills and then no.2 comes along and refuses to conform!! I have seen it happen time after time.
Most of it is down to the personality of the child, and how the personality fits with yours.

StewiesMom · 19/09/2008 17:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
thescurvysockmonsterofdoom · 19/09/2008 17:33

it is definatley the smugness that gets my goat, it's like every thing is a competition and everything your child does is a reflection of your worth as a human being.

OP posts:
pooka · 19/09/2008 17:35

Agree completely.

DD never had any particular food foibles. Not keen on red things, but hey, would still eat hot meals with the family.

DS lives on a diet of cold snacks. Will not absolutely will not eat hot food. Will not try anything new. Have been at wits end about it, am trying to step back and go with the flow...

MrsMattie · 19/09/2008 17:37

Totally agree with AbbeyA!

My son was ultra fussy bordering on a non-eater at one stage, but has morphed into a human dustbin in the last year or so, and scoffs healthy stuff like fruit like it's going out of fashion.

Funnily enough, at the same time, a smug acquaintance's son who would eat anything 'even curry and houmous and olives...he is just such a great eater because we've never made a fuss about food...blah blah' has gone on food strike.

When we're in their company and he refuses every single thing she puts in front of him until she finally gives in an d gives him the only thing he'll eat for lunch - a chocolate biscuit - ...weellllll...let's just say I feel quietly happy

angrypixie · 19/09/2008 17:37

But.... (wondering why I am bothering to say anything contentious at this time on a Friday evening) there are parents who enable bad eating habits. I'm always at the 'my child will only eat jaffa cakes and chocolate buttons' remarks.

I have 2 fab eaters and 1 a bit picky. I have worked hard to establish a healthy diet for him. Very narrow but healthy.

Running for cover now

SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 19/09/2008 17:38

it is definately not the parents. my dds are polar opposites. dd1 would not eat for days on end to the point where at 10pm at night me and dh and my mum would sat in my house begging her to eat with "dd you have to got to eat or they will take you into hospital. do you want pizza you like pizza? do you want mummy and you to make a pizza? should daddy phone a pizza? do you want nana to drive us to macdonalds? do you want pancakes? do you want to go to tesco and you pick any food you want, even cakes?"

and then there is dd2 who today refused to eat her lunch, she ate my mums instead. she then finished her own lunch. after that she tried to take my grandads lunch off him, stole a chocolate biscuit of nephew. and later finished nephews rice pudding and the half eaten chocolate biscuit he was given to replace the one dd2 stole.

both mine. both girls. both fed the same things. etc.

MrsMattie · 19/09/2008 17:41

There was a stage when my son would only eat spaghetti hoops, cheap sausages and digestive biccies. I resorted to these shite foods because he literally wouldn't eat anything else (I must have tried every single bloody snack and meal known to man). He would gag if I put veg or fish or meat or anything remotely healthy and normal in front of him. So, for a few weeks, he lived on sausages & spag hoops and biccies and that was that. I was just happy he wasn't starving. So I do understand the 'he only eats nuggets and chips' thing. Sometimes you are just desperate to see your child eat something (especially your PFB!).

AbbeyA · 19/09/2008 17:41

angrypixie-I think some people just get grateful they will eat a chocolate biscuit! Unfortunately children will starve themselves. I have know 2 boys, one of 6 and one younger who had to go into hospital because of their diet.The mothers were both sensible women.

AbbeyA · 19/09/2008 17:44

I have 3DSs, I have treated them all the same way with food and 2 are very good, healthy eaters but the middle one has a very restricted diet.

LittleMyDancing · 19/09/2008 17:47

I have one PFB who eats almost everything, but hope I'm not arrogant enough to think it's down to my parenting!

I remember this feeling well though because although he eats a good range of food, he eats tiny amounts and when we started weaning would eat one carrot all week while his peers were shovelling in hearty meals of stew or what not.

I used to feel like such a rubbish parent.

jasper · 19/09/2008 17:48

YANBU
One of my hobby horses, this one!

TheInvisibleManDidIt · 19/09/2008 17:50

nothing to do with parenting atall.

Like so many have already said, I have 2 that have completly different eating habits.

Ds1 will eat anything, and has done since the day he started on solids.

ds2 is so fussy it's unbelievable.he's getting alot better now, but between the ages of 3-5 he lived on cereal, pasta and sausages.

broguemum · 19/09/2008 17:55

Crappy eaters are born not created.

YANBU.

BouncingTurtle · 19/09/2008 17:56

Ds LOVES broccoli, but I can't stand the stuff! So it is definitely not down to bad parenting! The fact that ds eats most things is purely down to good luck and the fact he hasn't hit the fussy stage...

So YANBU.

stealthsquiggle · 19/09/2008 17:58

We have one consistently good eater (well, except cream and pineapple, and I think I can live with that) and one who eats a wide variety of things but not always - what she eats in huge quantities on one occasion will be 'no Mummy don't want it s'orrible' on another and she seems to eat one food group per day - today was dairy day (cheese, yoghurt, milk and v. little else).

Not smug. In my defence I don't think I ever was - just relieved as I know I would not cope well with a fussy/non eater.

SmugColditz · 19/09/2008 18:00

Children shouldn't be pushed past their appetite. It makes them greedy and indiscriminate adults. Like me.

babbi · 19/09/2008 18:10

Very topical for me !!
My DD eats very well - a 99% very healthy diet ,all homecooked meals as I am lucky enough to be able to stay at home . DD hates sweets (lucky me) but will have the very odd chocolate button . (odd because I am so miserable I don`t buy them.)
However my nightmare of a neighbour is forever chatting to me saying things like "well if its not organic then cooking is absolutely pointless you might as well give microwave meals etc !!! Real PITA. And I am embarrassed to admit that I have been in the past quite intimidated by her as she is a pharmacist therefore I thought she knows better then me etc etc !!

Anyway last Sunday her LO now 3 came to visit and he and DD asked for a yoghurt , I gave them a regular apricot yoghurt each and he said "no I only eat chocolate ones !! "

So next they ask for a banana each. No problem until her little one asked me for sugar to dip it in - "its the only way I like it !!"

Moral of the story - do your own thing !!!

notsoteenagemum · 19/09/2008 18:13

YANBU most kids have a faddy phase both mine did and you obviously had things harder than most with your dd.
however
With some children it is a control thing and some parents do need to be tougher. My cousin maintains her son only eats chips but thats all she ever gives him. He asked for one of her tuna sandwiches once she said "no eat your chips!"