to wonder why people argue about SAHM and Working mums and which one do most people opt to be

[2beornot2be]

Just wondering I keep hearing about the arguements not actually seen one and was wondering why people argue about it. So which one is better and why??

I'm enjoying being a SAHM. I don't have fluent French or Flemish, so I can't work where I am, and the jobs available to me here mean that I would have to leave before ds gets on the bus and I wouldn't be back until after ds in the evening. I also don't want to work where dh does, so that leaves teaching, and the British school here doesn't teach my subject, and I don't wish to do supply.

I am also in the position that I don't need to work financially, and dh is happy for me to be a SAHM, so that's cool. I mark GCSEs once a year to keep my hand in, and that's enough, plus the voluntary things I do for ds's school. I hope to start my MA in January, but that's for my own satisfaction, and because I have the time to do it and the money to fund it.

I'm happy working full-time, ds is happy at nursery & whilst I wouldn't want to give up work even if I could afford to I do wish that there were either more hours in the day or that I had half the energy of my 3yo. I'm lucky that I do a job I love, it must be horrendous to have to do a job you don't like when you want to be at home with your children. One thing I don't understand is how anyone can ask why people have children if they're going to go to work & then make out that working mums are being over defensive when they take offence. The implication that you're not interested in your children if you work is pretty clear. If I said I didn't see how anyone could be happy staying home letting their brains turn to mush I'd expect some protests.

"If I said I didn't see how anyone could be happy staying home letting their brains turn to mush I'd expect some protests."

Not being in paid employment doesn't mean you're not using your brain.

Since becoming a SAHM I've done a DIPHE (took me 5 years of part time study), done voluntary work, sat on committees, read lots and lots of novels. In or out of the work place, you have a choice - you can let your brain atrophy or you can carry on challenging yourself.

"The implication that you're not interested in your children if you work is pretty clear"

There's a difference between being interested in your children and being interested in spending time with them. I mentioned my SIL earlier on this thread. She's a teacher who keeps her 3 year old in full-time nursery during the school holidays so she can go shopping. She loves him just as much as I love my children, she just doesn't enjoy having to care for him on her own all day. Fair do's - there are plenty of men who only spend 15 minutes a day with their children who think of themselves as loving and involved parents.

I just think it's a bit stinky from nephew's point of view. Yes - he feels loved and is well cared for in every way, but he does spend most of his waking hours being cared for by nannies (who come and go) and 19 year old nursery nurses. Don't think that's what he'd choose for himself if he had a say in things. He'd rather be with his mum or dad.

gabygirl, our nursery and I expect it's the same for others do not allow you to not pay for certain times of the year, you have to keep it up therefore to keep a dc out of the nursery for all school holidays is wasting hundresd of pounds. I have a friend who's ds is at the same nursery as my dd they are both 2, during the big summer holidays he goes in for 3 short days and spend 2 whole days at home with my friend as she wants to get something for what she's paid for!

Also dcs who go to nursery and enjoy it are often quite sociable IME and may get bored and agtated if just at home with parents for long period. You can certainly see the change in dd when she has long periods with no contact with other children. She starts to get bored and frcatious. Given the choice I expect she'd sometimes like to go and see one of her little mates.

Every dc is different and every ones circumstance is different, why shouldn't she go shopping in peace if she's forking out for childcare? She's earned it after all.

''Yes - he feels loved and is well cared for in every way, ''

So the problem is with you then as you clearly state he doesn't have any problems due to this arrangement?

Peacelilly is right about nursery fees - you pay them all year and cannot opt out. Completely stopping and starting nursery can be pretty hard on a toddler too.

Dd is with a CM 3 days/week. It's a compromise between my needs for postgrad study time (so not for money) and my best guess at her needs. I would go totally bonkers as a SAHM - and often feel very guilty that I don't really want to be with dd all day every day. TBH, all of one day can seem pretty long. But that's how it is. What I envy about SAHMs is not their situation but the fact that they actually enjoy it.

I don't think that means I have no right to have had a child. If some people think it does - well, they're entitled to their opinion. I will try my best not to go FT - but it is very difficult to get PT posts in many professions. Very hard choice quite apart from the financial side, if it means giving up a much-loved career entirely because there are no PT options.

Personally, I only want to work if it doesn't compromise my family's lifestyle in any way ie I will only work if it doesn't impose any constraints upon my partner and children, only confer benefits (more money, happier me).

Fortunately I had already moved into a line of work pre-children that I would be able to pick up upon as soon as I had some spare time (DD at school). So far it's all going very well. But I know I am lucky.

I'm a 'work at home mother'.... absolute nightmare. Love my job, love my kids and it is a very practical solution to getting time off if they are sick, school holidays, school run, etc.
BUT aaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh!!!!!!!!
But never really get a break and they all think that because mum is in the house she can drop whatever she is doing and get drinks, read bedtime story, look at a snail, settle (yet another) argument.
IME..DON'T DO IT!
My brain has officially turned to mush.

I do know a stay at work mum. But she has a very good nanny.