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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to NOT want my DC to go to lots of after school activities?

87 replies

leogirl · 17/09/2008 10:37

clinging mother or reasonable?!? I just don't fully understand why there is so much pressure on children going to this and that after school activity. And before everyone starts posting about the social side of it etc, I do get that - but surely even one activity is enough? what do other people's children do?

OP posts:

Alambil · 17/09/2008 10:39

DS is nearly 6 and does Beavers - it takes him most of the week to get over the late night!

SlartyBartFast · 17/09/2008 10:39

people can go ott in their out of school activities. we never did when we were children that's for sure. what is it all about? sometimes you feel they are not allowed to just chill

although my dd3 is busy, tues, weds, thurs, fri and saturday! and can therefore only have friends round for tea on a monday!
but if it doesnt suit you, you are totally reasonable.

FAQ · 17/09/2008 10:40

DS1 has just turned 8 (yesterday) and is (hopefully) going to be doing ICT club (which is lunchtimes - so not strictly "after school", and choir - which is straight after school on a Monday..

Oliveoil · 17/09/2008 10:40

mine don't do anything

they used to do dancing on saturday mornings but have decided that don't want to

dd1 has the choice of of football, yoga, violin, dancing and cross country at school and is not interested

they both seem to be tired after school anyway and they like coming home and slobbing out

our school doesn't let reception do after school activities until after the October half term anyway

DaphneMoon · 17/09/2008 10:42

Oh Leogirl I could not agree more. My DS has decided this term he does not want to do anything after school he just wants to come home. I have a friend who literally braggs in a moaning kind of way that her DC are out every night doing something. She has kind of hinted that my DS ought to do this or that. She wanted me to take him to Beavers, but he does not want to. I sometimes feel so guilty, all these kids doing after school clubs or going to dancing/gymnastics/horseriding/judo/football etc after school and my DS doesn't. It is I suppose good for their social life, but they get plenty of that at school. He has done football but got bored with that soon after I bought the kit! However, I know he has plenty of friends and is popular.

It seems to me to be a way of showing off for some parents.

NoblesseOblige · 17/09/2008 10:42

not so bad so far this term but last year my dcs did something every night between them. some of this was out of school and some of this was organised by school (and so therefore freebies!).

it was all entirely their choice to doo all of these clubs! i did point out that they wouold be v busy but they were mroe than happy. if they are choosing to do the clubs, go with it.

pressure from parents to do clubs - whole different kettle of trouts ...

compo · 17/09/2008 10:43

very recent thread listing what some people's dcs on here do

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all
My ds will be going to afterschool 2 days a week from next week as I work those 2 days
Whne he is 5 I'm hoping for him to have swimming lessons
The only thing after that I would consider is Beavers when he's older unles he asks for something specific

Gateau · 17/09/2008 10:46

Totally agree, OP.
Some kids, IMO, go to far too many activities. One or two a week is enough, I think.
I think it's usually more about the parents' competitivenss than what the kids want, TBH. What's wrong with letting them be kids, and relax and play at home? They muct be tired after a day at school and probably just want to chill.

DaphneMoon · 17/09/2008 10:47

I had not seen that threat Compo. It made me cringe a little tbh. All that bragging about violin lessons etc. Perhaps it is just me!

DaphneMoon · 17/09/2008 10:47

threat thread !

SlartyBartFast · 17/09/2008 10:49

i pay for rainbows and swimmign lessons,
the rest are after school and church clubs and free, there is no compromise to my other dcs , in fact her clubs suit us, what with their clubs. the timing seems fine.
if they didnt suit, if they were costly and not enjoyable, i would cancel them

DaphneMoon · 17/09/2008 10:50

Forgot to say on my ealier post, this same friend also admitted that due to number of activities her DC's do, they don't always do their reading and sometimes she sends their homework back with "didn't have time" written on it.

Hmm let's see now, what's more important education or the ability to tie a knot or build a camp fire - that's a difficult one

SlartyBartFast · 17/09/2008 10:51

but it is annoying that they have after school clubs for thigns that they should do in school... crafy club, athletics etc.. but there is no time what with the literacy and numeracy hour and god knows what else they have to do now

fleacircus · 17/09/2008 10:51

Was once put to me thus:

At the end of a day at work, would you rather a) attend a seminar on a related topic, recommended by your boss; or b) go home, put your feet up and have a G&T?

sameagain · 17/09/2008 10:52

My DS's are busy, Mon/Weds/Fri and I worry that this is too much, then I worry that they miss out if the don't have all the "opportunities"

If they said they didn't want to go, I would stop like a shot, but they seem to enjoy it.

That said, DS1's favourite evening is Tues, which is his only day to actually play with his toys (they're at Mums on a Thurs, as I'm at work)

jellybeans · 17/09/2008 10:52

YANBU I think the primary school day is long enough tbh. Mine do out of school stuff like brownies and swimming and older DD does sports clubs but that is enough.

muggglewump · 17/09/2008 10:53

DD does Beavers, only since two weeks ago and Country Dancing which started last week. Dancing is straight after school, just for a term and is free.
The Beavers and eventually swimming which will be part of Beavers but on a different night is more than enough for her and tbh me!
I don't want to be in and out dropping off and picking up all the time.

Activities I guess are a good thing, this is our first experience of an out of school one but DD and I both enjoy, and want most evenings to chill out.

NoblesseOblige · 17/09/2008 10:53

oh if affectin homework/reading and the like, then put down your size 5s (or whatever hoofsize you take).

but if all that is worrying you is your conscience, then as long are dcs are happy - go with it.

i get most of my reading done when "watching" them swim/point their toes etc

fleacircus · 17/09/2008 10:55

Also slightly bothers me that the idea that you can stimulate kids to genius has taken hold; am desperately trying to talk MIL down from notion that DD is "extremely bright" before she starts with the flashcards (DD is 8mths, FFS!). Her other GD is 2.5 and "encouraged" to repeat ever more complicated words. Am determinedly planting the belief that DD is a simpleton so she gets left alone!

DaphneMoon · 17/09/2008 10:58

I'm with fleacircus .

quite right noble, it is up to the child at the end of the day and mine does not want to do any this term. It may change next term and he is lucky in that they go swimming every other Friday in school hours, so that's taken care of! (althougn it isn't free)

mm22bys · 17/09/2008 11:00

YANBU, my DS1 is at Reception, and is not picked up till 4pm. He is exhausted by then.

I think it's great if kids can be encouraged from not vegging in front of the TV for hours everyday, but to me part of being a kid was just having fun after school, whether that's doing cooking, running around outside or whatever.

He does swimming at school on a Friday, Saturday he does football and swimming, and Sunday is tennis.

At least it gives him and us a routine on a weekend.

He's only four, and being at school from 9 till 4 is long enough!

FioFio · 17/09/2008 11:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

tortoiseshell · 17/09/2008 11:07

I was always very much 'not too many activities, let them chill out at home'. But ds1 in particular really enjoys what he does, and he does have time to chill out, and get his homework done. He is just 7, and does seem really busy, but enjoys it all.

His 'extra's atm are;

Monday; Violin lesson (in school)
Tuesday; School choir (after school)
Wednesday; School orchestra (in school), gymnastics
Thursday; nothing
Friday; Swimming (school lesson),tennis (at school, but after school time), swimming lesson (non-school)
Saturday; Orchestra

Dd who is 5 does cello lessons on a Monday, and infant school choir on a Thursday, in school time, plus gymnastics on a Wednesday.

tortoiseshell · 17/09/2008 11:08

Ds1 also does piano, but I teach him that, so it's not such a 'regular thing out of the house'.

Fimbo · 17/09/2008 11:20

DD (10) does ballet/tap and Brownies.

DS (4, 5 in Dec) will be doing Beavers when he is 6.

I don't really do playdates after school either, as both are tired.

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